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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dumped again then the marriage chat

30 replies

Slakooths · 28/09/2022 17:18

DP has form for "leaving" me if an argument gets heated or goes on.
I'm frankly tired of it, we have 2 DC together and have been together for 7 years.
So due to the frequency of this happening, I have little to no reaction.

This makes him mad as he says I dont care and have no emotion. He'll say we're over, nothing changes, then life goes on as normal for a few days, then he seemingly "forgets " he said we were done and if I bring it up, says he thought we resolved that when the argument was resolved.

Days later he'll casually chat about how he wants to propose!

I never "end it" with him. We are adults, if he says it again AIBU to just say okay, bye then?

YANBU 👋 bye

YABU deeper issues here

OP posts:
namechange30455 · 28/09/2022 17:31

That's abusive. No wonder you've become desensitised to it.

I'd dump him now. Don't wait for him to do it for you.

Longdistance · 28/09/2022 17:37

He’s such a twat!

Dump him! Start with ‘we need to talk..’ get in there first.

TeddyBeans · 28/09/2022 17:53

Nah fuck that. Buh-bye now

ScottishLavender · 28/09/2022 18:04

Yep! Next time just call his bluff and mean it. He's using it as a way of bringing you back to heel. 🚩🚩

OrigamiOwls · 28/09/2022 18:04

I'd be waving him goodbye next time he tried to pull that one.

RedHelenB · 28/09/2022 18:06

I'd end it now if I were you. He's got you dangling hasn't he, breaking up and then little hints about marriage to sweeten you up.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/09/2022 18:08

Pure abuse and you are fucking mad to tolerate this shit. Tell him to get out and stay out.

GroggyLegs · 28/09/2022 18:09

"I'm leaving."

"You're right. This is over. I'll help you pack."

"Wah, you don't care about me"

"I do, which is why I'm respecting your wishes to leave. I think you're right and it's best for all of us"

Let the him squirm in a mess of his own making & don't let him forget HE said he was leaving. Manipulative arse.

Pixiedust1234 · 28/09/2022 18:09

Say bye. Lock the door. Dont let him back into your life and for God's sake don't have another baby with him. In case you aren't aware he is an emotional abuser. Just because he doesn't hit you doesnt mean he isn't an abuser.

Blahblablahblahblah · 28/09/2022 18:14

Let him leave…

NorthStarRising · 28/09/2022 18:15

Who pays the bills? Is he an amazing father? Spectacular in bed?
Because otherwise I’m mystified that this soap opera has dragged on for seven years and two children.
Sort out your finances and your independence, then get rid of him.

DrManhattan · 28/09/2022 18:16

Childish and manipulative behaviour, tell him to do one.

mrsjohnnylawrence · 28/09/2022 18:17

Problem being if you end it and he moves out and demands access to the kids he sounds just immature and twatty enough to demand 50/50 then torture the kids to get at you.

Perhaps not worth it.

nancydroo · 28/09/2022 18:18

I think he is letting you know where his boundary is. If an argument gets to a point where he feels it's untenable then he is communicating to you he can't deal with it. F it calms down he is content if it bubbles back up he's reached the boundary of what he can cope with. He likes the relationship when it is good and can envisage marriage. I don't think it's that much of a mystery. Your levels of what is acceptable are likely to be different from each other.

VroomVrooom · 28/09/2022 18:22

He sounds immature, childish and manipulative.

Surely he realises you can’t spend the rest of your lives in this dynamic?

Ask him - what is he going to do to resolve this? What’s his solution?

Shoxfordian · 28/09/2022 18:25

Tell him it’s over and mean it

Zilla1 · 28/09/2022 18:27

If you want to continue the relationship then wait until the last ultimatum is settled then instruct him that the next time he says the relationship is over then it will absolutely be with no recourse afterwards, and mean it.

If you don't want the relationship then tell him you can't carry on living like this and take ownership by ending it.

Good luck.

Cakecakecheese · 28/09/2022 18:28

Why on earth are you putting up with this? Tell him this stupidity needs to stop and next time he says it's over then it's over and he will have to leave.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/09/2022 18:32

mrsjohnnylawrence · 28/09/2022 18:17

Problem being if you end it and he moves out and demands access to the kids he sounds just immature and twatty enough to demand 50/50 then torture the kids to get at you.

Perhaps not worth it.

Men like this never want 50% responsibility for their kids in their own. They're useless.

georgarina · 28/09/2022 18:39

This happened to me.

When I finally called his bluff he also acted affronted and demanded to know why I 'didn't care.'

'Because you made a choice and I deserve someone who wants to be with me.'

Readaboutyourself · 28/09/2022 18:40

What kind of life is this?!

Readaboutyourself · 28/09/2022 18:41

mrsjohnnylawrence · 28/09/2022 18:17

Problem being if you end it and he moves out and demands access to the kids he sounds just immature and twatty enough to demand 50/50 then torture the kids to get at you.

Perhaps not worth it.

Not worth being happy with someone more worthy due to fear? Bonkers.

Dump the prat.

Wibbly1008 · 28/09/2022 18:42

GroggyLegs · 28/09/2022 18:09

"I'm leaving."

"You're right. This is over. I'll help you pack."

"Wah, you don't care about me"

"I do, which is why I'm respecting your wishes to leave. I think you're right and it's best for all of us"

Let the him squirm in a mess of his own making & don't let him forget HE said he was leaving. Manipulative arse.

This.

theemmadilemma · 28/09/2022 18:58

DH tried this a couple of times.

Firstly my reaction is always going to be 'kthxbi'. If you don't want to be with me, then I won't force to! 🤷‍♀️

Then I had a sit down chat with him, pointed out it breeds insecurity, and when he doesn't follow through he just looks ridiculous.

It's never happened since.

theemmadilemma · 28/09/2022 19:00

Oh I think I also mentioned that if he did it again he might not have the option to change his mind.