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AIBU?

To think that a lot of people on here enjoy being miserable and take delight in making others equally so?

44 replies

PipinwasAuntieMabelsdog · 28/09/2022 14:44

Let me preface this post with the following:

I am aware there is a cost of living crisis, war in Ukraine, ongoing issues re Covid and Brexit, death of HMQ and budget.

BUT

The endless handwringing threads on here do not achieve anything other than creating a sense of panic and doom...making the misery everyone says they are feeling even worse!!!

We cannot:

'Undo' the Brexit vote. I wish we could, but it is not a possibility. We would have to apply to rejoin the EU, that is not going to happen. Why would they want us back?

'Undo' the Covid spending

Stop the war in Ukraine

We can:

Vote differently next year

Lobby our MPs re energy prices and trade deals

Shop and eat differently for a while. It won't be fun, but we can do it and keep in mind that we have only had the abundance we have enjoyed recently for an extremely short time.

Keep calm and carry on

Do the small things we can to keep each other cheerful

Times have been bad before and they will be good again. We just need to keep up hope.

OP posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

147 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
38%
You are NOT being unreasonable
62%
Skinnermarink · 28/09/2022 14:54

Shopping and eating differently won’t cut it for many. I’m sure many already have made changes, but you can’t always pull an extra few hundred quid out of your arse.

I feel fortunate because we fixed our mortgage for five years and have 4.5 to run. Other costs will make things a bit shite for a while however.

I see what you’re saying but really, it’s a bit short sighted. We aren’t talking about people being out of pocket by a few quid each month. I think people should feel rage, anger, anything that might bring about a change to topple this absolute shit show of a government.

Are you in a privileged position OP?

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Youdoyoutoday · 28/09/2022 14:58

Agree with most of what you said, some people were struggling before all this crap not just since.

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ilovesooty · 28/09/2022 14:59

There are people who are struggling, have no slack to cut and can't "shop and eat differently for a while". Do you really not realise that?

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Idratherbepaddleboarding · 28/09/2022 14:59

I disagree, people are allowed to express their feelings and who knows, maybe someone out there that can make a difference and actually cares might read some of the threads and understand how desperate a lot of people are right now! I don’t know why the media are picking up on (stealing) silly, lighthearted threads and ignoring the real issues.

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Paslaptis · 28/09/2022 15:12

You lost me with your misinformation about the UK leaving the EU.

Perhaps the UK cannot rejoin the EU quickly but it's never too soon to start trying. Also, of course, a future independent Scotland and NI reunited with Ireland are in different positions.

I'm also very suspicious of people who ask us to shut up about the ridiculousness of the UK government of the day taking the UK out of the European Single Market on the basis of a vote to take England and Wales out of the EU, which was completely unnecessary and idiotic and in contravention of the Conservative manofesto of 2015 upon which both Cameron and May became PM, and which promised to protect the UK's place in the European Single Market as well as to hold a referendum on the UK's continued EU membership.

Successive UK governments since 2015 have treated the UK people as absolute idiots. Arsehole Johnson turned down a late deal that would have given UK citizens rsignificant rights of movement and abode in the UE for no defensible reason. The current government is far from the worst; the worst has long ago been done and the least we can do for the victims is keep our eyes open and unflinchingly acknowledge what has been done to (against) us and out country.

In sum: YAB vastly, enourmously U.

And no, we're not going to stop talking about it.

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PipinwasAuntieMabelsdog · 28/09/2022 15:48

Paslaptis · 28/09/2022 15:12

You lost me with your misinformation about the UK leaving the EU.

Perhaps the UK cannot rejoin the EU quickly but it's never too soon to start trying. Also, of course, a future independent Scotland and NI reunited with Ireland are in different positions.

I'm also very suspicious of people who ask us to shut up about the ridiculousness of the UK government of the day taking the UK out of the European Single Market on the basis of a vote to take England and Wales out of the EU, which was completely unnecessary and idiotic and in contravention of the Conservative manofesto of 2015 upon which both Cameron and May became PM, and which promised to protect the UK's place in the European Single Market as well as to hold a referendum on the UK's continued EU membership.

Successive UK governments since 2015 have treated the UK people as absolute idiots. Arsehole Johnson turned down a late deal that would have given UK citizens rsignificant rights of movement and abode in the UE for no defensible reason. The current government is far from the worst; the worst has long ago been done and the least we can do for the victims is keep our eyes open and unflinchingly acknowledge what has been done to (against) us and out country.

In sum: YAB vastly, enourmously U.

And no, we're not going to stop talking about it.

I didn't ask you or anyone to 'shut up and stop talking about it' I am simply highlighting that all this 1, 2 rejoin the EU talk is pointless. They will not have us back for a long, long while yet, so we need to put ourselves in the best position to campaign for rejoining when we can. I get that it's scary, but focusing on that alone helps no one, we need to focus on what we can do. If you are truly broke you cannot eat differently for a while, but a parent at your child's school might be able to and as a result donate to foodbank, which would cover you for a while. Talking about your feelings in an echo chamber, where everyone just repeats and increases your feelings doesn't make you feel any better.

OP posts:
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Greensleeves · 28/09/2022 16:02

I think your mistake is in assuming that a) everybody processes fear and uncertainty in the same way you do, and b) that yours is the true and healthy way of being.

Many people are facing a terrifying cliff edge at the moment, for their families and their futures. The origins of this clusterfuck are easy to identify to anyone with even a peripheral understanding of current affairs. Anger and resentment are therefore inevitable alongside the fear and uncertainty.

Some people find it helpful to maintain a stiff upper lip and plough through difficulties with a "glass half full" attitude - you're clearly one of those, and good luck to you. Others need to talk through their fears and struggles, need to connect with others going through similar, need to ask for help and support and explore their experiences and worries, including worst case scenarios - they find that it strengthens and comforts them to have it all out in the open and be in solidarity with others, rather than shoving it to the back of the mind. There's nothing wrong with that approach.

MN works because it fills a gaping hole in society - women have always gathered together to bolster and support one another in one form or another. That's what people are doing. If it makes you uncomfortable, you should steer clear of it rather than trying to shut people down or shame them for seeking connection and solidarity during tough times.

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Paslaptis · 28/09/2022 16:05

I think you misunderstand. I AM focused on what we can do, I just strongly disagree with you about what's possible, important, worth the effort. We CAN call out bad behaviour, as happened in the Brexit referendum, so it does't continue and isn't repeated in other contexts. I think that's not only possible but important and vital.

People in Scotland can keep pushing for iScotland in the EU, or in EFTA, or in the ESM in another way; that's their right. People in NI have a whole different conversation, whether you respect it or not. people UK-wide can demand to rejoin the ESM, as there never was any public mandate to take us out of it. There's no reason to wait.

I want to keep talking about Brexit. Loads of people do, all over the UK. It's not about "feeling better", it's about the change we want to see. Let's keep taking!!

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Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 28/09/2022 16:07

Interesting responses OP. The vast majority think you are not unreasonable. The comments come from the usual slavering doomsayers.

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ilovesooty · 28/09/2022 16:09

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 28/09/2022 16:07

Interesting responses OP. The vast majority think you are not unreasonable. The comments come from the usual slavering doomsayers.

I don't consider myself a slavering doomsayer. I stated a fact.

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Greensleeves · 28/09/2022 16:10

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 28/09/2022 16:07

Interesting responses OP. The vast majority think you are not unreasonable. The comments come from the usual slavering doomsayers.

Have you anything to offer apart from childish insults?

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SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/09/2022 16:13

Greensleeves · 28/09/2022 16:02

I think your mistake is in assuming that a) everybody processes fear and uncertainty in the same way you do, and b) that yours is the true and healthy way of being.

Many people are facing a terrifying cliff edge at the moment, for their families and their futures. The origins of this clusterfuck are easy to identify to anyone with even a peripheral understanding of current affairs. Anger and resentment are therefore inevitable alongside the fear and uncertainty.

Some people find it helpful to maintain a stiff upper lip and plough through difficulties with a "glass half full" attitude - you're clearly one of those, and good luck to you. Others need to talk through their fears and struggles, need to connect with others going through similar, need to ask for help and support and explore their experiences and worries, including worst case scenarios - they find that it strengthens and comforts them to have it all out in the open and be in solidarity with others, rather than shoving it to the back of the mind. There's nothing wrong with that approach.

MN works because it fills a gaping hole in society - women have always gathered together to bolster and support one another in one form or another. That's what people are doing. If it makes you uncomfortable, you should steer clear of it rather than trying to shut people down or shame them for seeking connection and solidarity during tough times.

I agree completely, @Greensleeves - this is a very sensible and reasonable post that has expressed my thoughts - much better than I could have done!

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BMW6 · 28/09/2022 16:16

I quite agree OP. The only thing I would add is that we must not go back to the rampant consumerism of energy, resources and goods that we have before now.

It has been made frighteningly clear this year that the effects of global warming are catastrophic and will get much worse unless real and permanent attitudes and changes are made.

It is what it is and if people think things are bad now............

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Paslaptis · 28/09/2022 16:20

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 28/09/2022 16:07

Interesting responses OP. The vast majority think you are not unreasonable. The comments come from the usual slavering doomsayers.

Nope. My respectful disagrement with the OP casts OP as a (relative) doomsayer, although I would not have used that term, in that they think that the UK cannot rejoin the European Single Market soon, and I am confident that we can.

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Suzi888 · 28/09/2022 16:25

I agree with @BMW6 but isn’t that what the Tory party wants? Rampant consumerism… I don’t follow politics so🤷🏼‍♀️😳may have that totally wrong!

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Somethingsnappy · 28/09/2022 16:27

I agree in some ways op, but not in others. I think it's easy to talk about shopping and eating differently, when that option is open to you. Did you read the thread a few days ago about people's experiences of being poor? It was eye-opening and very upsetting. Many people simply do not have that option. It must be terrifying to be in that position. It is easy to criticise others from a perspective of privilege.

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ClaudineClare · 28/09/2022 16:31

Do the IMF and the BOE enjoy being miserable? We are in serious shit and pretending a crisis is not happening doesn't mean it isn't.

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Abaiia · 28/09/2022 16:35

I think it's good for us to have a place where we can go to haveca good moan. We haven't all got anyone to talk to about these things in real life. Sometimes you just need to have a rant and get things out of your system.

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Ambushedbycakeinmydreams · 28/09/2022 16:38

Maybe Mumsnet isn't the place for you, OP?

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ClaudineClare · 28/09/2022 16:41

Vote differently next year

If only. We could have another two years of this nightmare.

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CPL593H · 28/09/2022 16:52

People are allowed to feel angry. "Keep calm and carry on" while eating differently and accepting other privations was a sensible attitude when engaged in full out war against the Nazis. It is less relevant when our own Government are (witlessly or malignly, the jury is out) tanking the already damaged economy in a way that has alarmed the IMF and the BoE. Fury seems to me an appropriate response.

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Soverydone · 28/09/2022 16:56

Greensleeves · 28/09/2022 16:02

I think your mistake is in assuming that a) everybody processes fear and uncertainty in the same way you do, and b) that yours is the true and healthy way of being.

Many people are facing a terrifying cliff edge at the moment, for their families and their futures. The origins of this clusterfuck are easy to identify to anyone with even a peripheral understanding of current affairs. Anger and resentment are therefore inevitable alongside the fear and uncertainty.

Some people find it helpful to maintain a stiff upper lip and plough through difficulties with a "glass half full" attitude - you're clearly one of those, and good luck to you. Others need to talk through their fears and struggles, need to connect with others going through similar, need to ask for help and support and explore their experiences and worries, including worst case scenarios - they find that it strengthens and comforts them to have it all out in the open and be in solidarity with others, rather than shoving it to the back of the mind. There's nothing wrong with that approach.

MN works because it fills a gaping hole in society - women have always gathered together to bolster and support one another in one form or another. That's what people are doing. If it makes you uncomfortable, you should steer clear of it rather than trying to shut people down or shame them for seeking connection and solidarity during tough times.

This is so well said. I process my fear by talking about it constantly. My husband processes it by going into his shell and not talking about it. Both methods are valid, I think.

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Jackienory · 28/09/2022 17:08

in that they think that the UK cannot rejoin the European Single Market soon, and I am confident that we can

Then you are delusional. Kier Starmer this July... "So let me be very clear: with Labour, Britain will not go back into the EU. We will not be joining the single market. We will not be joining a customs union,”

You can, of course, keep talking about it but I'm not sure who's listening and of course, the collective chorus can keep telling you to shut up.

Interestingly I heard on the radio that Angela Raynor is warning of Boris planning his comeback. We'll wait to see what he makes of the Conservative Party Conference. If he energises a packed, standing-room-only, auditorium with an absolute barnstormer, then I wouldn't advise Liz to unpack just yet. Stranger things have happened. But hey, let's wave the EU flag, I'm sure Giorgia Meloni is listening.

Keep smiling.

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sarahc336 · 28/09/2022 17:09

Op I was just thinking the exact same thing after I saw a post about a school had apparently told children the heatings off bring a blanket.....
it's clearly not true but just makes people panic x

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Neverfullycharged · 28/09/2022 17:09

There’s certainly a lot of barely concealed glee about it.

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