Or is it my DH?

[Namechangefail123]

I WFH FT at an American company. Which means that I have flexibility around my working hours including working around children (the only golden rule is that for client facing meetings, camera has to be on and no kids).

So all of my client calls tend to be when our toddler is in nursery. I brought up my eldest with a similar set up and it was fairly smooth sailing.

My DH is of the idea that I should always drop off anything from work if our toddler has a tantrum, needs the potty (he's not ready yet anyway), etc... I always tell him that I do my best but sometimes it is impossible. In all honesty I think has only happened once because the toddler got annoyed with his toy trucks.

My DH usually sulks about, but I always tell him that it's not fair on me, and that in any case if he feels SO strongly about it, our DS should go to FT nursery but he should also consider becoming a SAHP as the nursery fees would be higher than his take home salary (once you take commuting into account). He's a bit wishy washy about that point. My salary is currently 3x his, with a promotion coming next year that will take me to 6 figures/ 4x + his salary.

He's reached the top of his salary expectations. We've talked about him changing jobs and such, as he doesn't think he has many transferable skills. He hates retail though which would be the easiest thing to move to

Your husband is being unreasonable but so are you. You are on a six figure salary but are working from bed and simultaneously looking after a toddler. How unprofessional. Your child should either be in childcare or with your partner whilst you are working, it’s not hard.

Two issues here

1. You are leaving a toddler unsupervised and unengaged regularly. Your husband is right that a child should not be left alone stressed whilst you're taking a work call. Get childcare. Seems like your household income is near or slightly over £100k, so you should be able to afford a childminder or Nursery

2. Your husband needs to pull his weight. It seems insanity that you're earning the lion's share of the income at the same time as doing all of the childcare.

You seem to have worded yourself very vaguely to cover the fact that you are leaving a child unattended regularly, and you cannot possibly be giving the best care you can to that child if you're also WFH.

You say your other child is doing well at school - plenty of neglected children can excel academically.

How much time does your toddler spend with screens, out of interest?

His tantrum was about the tv?

So that's his babysitter who you switch on after 30 mins?

I understand you OP, you usually look after your DC in the afternoons and work at other times (when DC in bed) but occasionally a meeting will be scheduled last minute in the afternoon. I don’t see any harm in the toddler watching TV for half hour with you nearby in case of emergencies.

This is getting weirder by the minute

"The tantrum happened once"

So will it never happen again? He must be a very well behaved toddler 😂

And serious question, you say your husband has gotten himself in debt and something about you SC?

What does your partner actually bring to the table?
How are the bills split?
If DC goes to nursery will you foot the entire bill?
What are YOU getting from this relationship?

Exactly! @TempName01 In the evenings while I work my DH normally is fixing dinner (if I haven't done so) and/or looking after the toddler. We put both our incomes into a joint put and split all bills from there. The TV is on for 2-3 hrs but that's background noise. I was raised that way and don't see an issue.

So you're wfh, looking after a toddler ft and cooking? And you use the tv as a babysitter? And yet on your other thread you're worried why your toddler is behind developmentally?

No harm to you but it isn't rocket science

Working from bed is irrelevant to the toddler issue and it'd only be unprofessional if it was interfering with how the OP does her job, or if she went into calls from bed which I'm sure she doesn't. I often work from bed myself due to various health and mobility issues and it would be a lot harder to work f/t if I couldn't do that. (Not suggesting this is the OP's position, I wouldn't know - that's just my personal take on working from bed.)

On the other hand - OP, you really do need to sort proper childcare.

Why are you with your dh op?

Serious question. I'm not sure what he brings. You bring the money, do the childcare, he brought the debts and more work for you, sc. And, he complains about his brilliant set up. So, why?

I agree that there needs to be some clarity re you husband's situation - you say his wage minus commute costs are less than childcare so I assume he's working out of the home. What are his hours? How do you manage school pick ups for your eldest?

I work from home and have a situation. I have maybe 2/3 meetings a month where I have to have zero interruptions. Didn't these times I arrange a babysitter/ childminder to have the dc.

I think telling op she's being neglectful is taking things to an extreme! I haven't thought that at all from her posts. But i do disagree with you telling dh to give up work. I second what others are saying about finding childcare. Yes it's expensive but will make your life so much easier in terms of wfh and being professional while juggling a tantruming toddler. Plus it will ease the tension between you and dh. Even if all of dh's salary goes on childcare alone this seems to be the most obvious solution.

Ahh, so you were neglected by your parents too.

Hence the emotional distance from your children and importance on academics.

I think you're being a bit harsh @YellowTreeHouse

No I actually I had a FT nanny! But she got tired in the afternoons so would let me watch TV. My DH leaves home just before 8 and comes back 530-6.

My DD takes the bus home.

I'm a bit confused about your set up but if you are working during the day then your child should be in childcare.

If you're working in the evening then DH should be doing the childcare.

You shouldn't be leaving a toddler to their own devices.

So yes then. You were neglected not only by your parents but your nanny too 😞

You need to break this cycle with your own children. It’s too late for the older one but the toddler still has time.

The toddler is in nursery for 5 hours (and I work during those) the remainder I do in the evening for the most part. There is the odd meeting in the afternoon (which tend to be short notice). If it's long enough in advance or longer than 30mins I either book extra nursery hours or a babysitter

This is quite a confusing post and OP you're gonna get unhelpful comments as all of the info isn't in the first post so people will comment randomly.

I personally think that you should get some childcare in place, it sounds like you can afford it.
If DH is home and you are working then toddler is his responsibility fully. Especially if you are bringing in a huge salary that requires you to be available in evenings for calls due to time zones.

He sounds a bit lazy and unmotivated. But he definitely shouldn't give up work as that makes him vulnerable.

If he won't look after toddler properly when he's home then you need to consider the relationship! He can't sabotage your work, it will be at detriment to the house as you're the higher earner

If you’d laid this out properly in the first post you’d have everyone saying YANBU.

Sorry! I was just so annoyed with my husband!!