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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to unfriend lots of mumsnetters on Facebook?

68 replies

FlamingoAtBingo · 27/09/2022 22:52

I've been here on and off a long time. 15 years or so. And, back in the day, I was somewhat more social than I am now and met with some mumsnetters and added others that I was on long running threads with

Now, nobody on here knows me which is just how I like it (although I enjoy name spotting myself on the 'who's your favourite past mumsnetter' threads Grin)

Anyway, I have quite a few mumsnetters as Facebook friends. Maybe 20 or so, they've been there over 10 years. And they'll pop up in my messenger or newsfeed with all sorts of news - usually doom and gloom stuff and so and so being really unwell or such and such having a terrible time

I feel awful but I don't want to know. I've had various things going on in recent times that have caused me anxiety and being told that a mutual
Mumsnet friend is dying or having a horrible time is just more than I can mentally take right now

I suppose I'm saying I want to shrink my world to those people I actually properly know in real life -
Not those I've met once or twice if at all.

But they've been 'there' for years. And I feel all flustered and mean about it. And then I get a message telling me more bad news and I resolve to quietly delete these people but feel mean - and the cycle continues

Thoughts? Am I an awful person? WWYD?

OP posts:
ThisIsNotAFlyingToy · 27/09/2022 22:54

Nothing wrong with dumping people from FB but who is dying? Or is that older news?

Original poster
FlamingoAtBingo · 27/09/2022 22:54

And I do hide lots of these people but then I think 'what's the point in them being there?'

They're nice people btw.

OP posts:
Original poster
FlamingoAtBingo · 27/09/2022 22:55

@ThisIsNotAFlyingToy well, it wouldn't be nice of me to divulge that! I can't give you names of course - on the off chance you may or may not know them Confused

OP posts:
Luredbyapomegranate · 27/09/2022 22:57

Blimey you are overthinking this. Just delete.

ThisIsNotAFlyingToy · 27/09/2022 23:00

FlamingoAtBingo · 27/09/2022 22:55

@ThisIsNotAFlyingToy well, it wouldn't be nice of me to divulge that! I can't give you names of course - on the off chance you may or may not know them Confused

No, I'm just alarmed in case it's an old name and I might know them. I've been surprised in the past at finding out about previously very prolific posters dying.

arethereanyleftatall · 27/09/2022 23:01

Eh?why the drama? 'Hide' done.
(And why you hide rather than delete is so as not to upset them, in case it would, which it probably wouldn't).

Original poster
FlamingoAtBingo · 27/09/2022 23:02

I could hide them, it's true. And some I have done.

But this leads me to just think 'what's the point?'

Maybe I am overthinking this

OP posts:
DickDarstedly · 27/09/2022 23:02

Couldn’t you just hide them? Then you wouldn’t feel bad about deleting them. If you really don’t miss their posts after about six months then you could delete them?

anahsjp · 27/09/2022 23:03

Just delete them, you don't even know these people - you're over thinking it

piegone · 27/09/2022 23:04

If you don't interact with them they are unlikely to notice anyway.

CandyLeBonBon · 27/09/2022 23:04

Hmmm....
How can I put this politely?

Nobody cares

Seriously why the angst?

CheezePleeze · 27/09/2022 23:04

This thread is in really poor taste in case whoever is dying/ill/having a hard time recognises themselves, and even if they don't, it may well cause paranoia.

It's your Facebook account, just delete who you want without making this public song and dance about it.

CheezePleeze · 27/09/2022 23:05

FlamingoAtBingo · 27/09/2022 23:02

I could hide them, it's true. And some I have done.

But this leads me to just think 'what's the point?'

Maybe I am overthinking this

If you think anyone really cares then yes, you're overthinking this.

Original poster
FlamingoAtBingo · 27/09/2022 23:05

@CheezePleeze fascinated by how you think someone will recognise themselves.

They won't. Trust me on this.

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 27/09/2022 23:07

Seems weird you’ve posted about it on here. As if partially you want these women to see the thread and wonder if you mean them.

Seems a bit mean spirited. Of course hide them or delete them off Facebook if it makes you feel more comfortable.

AtrociousCircumstance · 27/09/2022 23:08

Cross post. You’ve given the time range and specified the sort of confidences being shared - that’s enough to make people wonder.

Original poster
FlamingoAtBingo · 27/09/2022 23:09

@AtrociousCircumstance yes there's absolutely no way at all that I've changed details and timelines Hmm

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 27/09/2022 23:13

Well, ok. But even so, mumsnetters with Facebook friend groups will wonder. Especially now they know your given details aren’t entirely accurate. You’ve described a group, and they’re sharing news, often bad news. I’m sure you didn’t lie about that bit. That’s enough.

I do think you should hide or delete entirely as you wish to and not feel any guilt. There’s an edge to posting about it here where they may all see it, that’s all.

LadyWithLapdog · 27/09/2022 23:15

Just unfollow for a while. I’ve deleted a couple of MNers as they never interacted on FB, one said something vile (out of character, if truth be told, but not enough of a friend to forgive), and kept about 4 whose lives I follow and still seem lovely after 10 years or more. So, I’m short, unfollow and reconsider in a few months.

sugarfreesyrup · 27/09/2022 23:22

Why do you need to run this past mumsnet Hmm

Apartofnotapart · 27/09/2022 23:29

I don’t understand how you’ve added them as friends on Fb from here? Do you mean you private messaged and exchanged details 🤷🏻‍♀️
Are you not worried some may see this post 🙈

JoannaNewsom · 27/09/2022 23:31

Hmm, mumsnetters or BC folk?

You are overthinking but I can also see that it might be hurtful to anyone who cares to notice they’ve lost you as a friend. I would just hide them all and post to a restricted audience.

CPL593H · 27/09/2022 23:35

Why did you feel the need to make the point that the FB friends you want to jettison (hardly an unusual thing, threads about it all the time) are Mumsnetters while posting about it on Mumsnet?

That seems most odd.

CheezePleeze · 27/09/2022 23:52

FlamingoAtBingo · 27/09/2022 23:05

@CheezePleeze fascinated by how you think someone will recognise themselves.

They won't. Trust me on this.

I don't trust you at all.

It's fairly obvious when you're talking on Mumsnet about Mumsnetters "being really unwell or such and such having a terrible time", some who fit that description are going to be concerned you're talking about them.

It may be a fascinating concept to you but it's not rocket science 🙄

DramaAlpaca · 27/09/2022 23:53

Just unfollow and/or hide. No need to overthink it.

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