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AIBU?

Just need a distraction.

55 replies

oohfuckinghell · 27/09/2022 22:20

I'll firstly say that this isn't an AIBU. I've made a couple of other posts under other users but I'm here merely for traffic as I'm having a fucking shit time.

I was admitted to hospital 19 days ago as I have started having black outs and heart palps / chest pains. They put it down to not enough fluids and being dehydrated but I was sent home and I've been eating and drinking a lot more. (Reason I struggle with eating is I've had multiple abdo surgery and chemo that's wrecked my insides due to an aggressive type of cancer) that was when I was 23/24. Im 28 now.
So whenever I vomit or feel rough I just put it down to that. Those blackouts never stopped and have turned into full blown seizures. They are fucking terrifying. I am AFAIK no evidence of tumours so it's looking like the seizures aren't linked to the cancer diagnosis. I can only hope and pray with everything I've got.

I had a CT this morning after a horrendous seizure and I've cut my mouth to bits. Something has come back on my CT which is looking like a stroke / bleed on the brain. They don't know to what extent of even for sure if it's this but my epilepsy tests have come back as normal (so far..) so tomorrow I'm having a brain MRI and also lumber puncture. I'm utterly shitting myself I am absolutely terrified. My mum had a stroke when she was 34 but it was injury related. But I'm sat here in tears, 28 years old, my baby is at home with DH and I'm so scared. I've been taken to one of the top nuero hospitals in the U.K. and they are being utterly brilliant.

I'm just terrified. From my Fitbit I've had 8 hours and 14 minutes sleep (this isn't too accurate though as I think the seizures are messing it up) so I've taken it off as it's doing my head in. They are giving me oramorph for my head pain and a sleeping tablet beginning with Z to help me sleep but I just cannot switch off. I'm so scared I won't see my little girl grow up. She is my utter world, our miracle IVF baby after my cancer. I was incredibly lucky to come out the other side of that too, I was on life support for a while after. But that's another story.

I'm scared. I miss my baby. I miss my husband. I am utterly exhausted beyond means and I just cannot shut down but until they know exactly what they're dealing with they can't really give me anymore medication.

So there's my current life story. Just seeing if anyones awake and fancies keeping me company. I'm scared about the lumber puncture as from what I've heard they are miserable. But I just want to get fixed up and go home. I am just so sad.

Anyone awake just for a chin wag with a stranger on the internet? (I'm sorry this is so woe is me, it's so unlike me. I've never been so sad in my life. An hour at a time I guess)

Thank you for reading if you made it this far x

OP posts:
weekendninja · 27/09/2022 22:31

Your situation sounds really hard to deal with OP. I'm sorry you are having to go through this.


Do you have anything to read/watch?

What's the food like?

gobbynorthernbird · 27/09/2022 22:33

Wow, this sounds like you've really been through the wringer more than once.

How old is your little one? Still a teeny baby?

Defiantlynot41 · 27/09/2022 22:36

Life is certainly putting you to test right now ...

Thinking of you

Tell us how you met your husband?

Haggisfish3 · 27/09/2022 22:37

Good grief no wonder you feel as you do. Can you get Netflix and try to watch something?

oohfuckinghell · 27/09/2022 22:39

@weekendninja

I've been in so far 6 days with this admission.

Their tea is shite as they seem to have UHT milk but They give fresh milk with cereal so I keep a bit behind so I'm finding ways to improvise!

Food is either abysmal or really good. Their mac & cheese and lasagne are lush!
They had liver yesterday and Irish stew has done the rounds. I tend to pick veggie options as easier to digest. But the liver smelt boakkk.
But I have a big bag of snacks that keep me going. The Sunday roast was questionable but hey I can't complain at least I'm being fed. I'm in a lot more fortunate of a position than others in this hospital so I don't want to moan completely. The staff however. All of them. Docs nurses cleaners consultants tea and coffee ladies. They are working tirelessly and effortlessly and I cannot be more grateful again for everything they're doing.

For whenever I get to go home I want to leave them with some biscuits or order them in some brownies or something.

Could to with a brownie now!

OP posts:
oohfuckinghell · 27/09/2022 22:42

DD is 2 in November. So she's really not a baby anymore. She's a full on toddler and everything that comes with a toddler! I just miss her so much it hurts. She comes in once a day for an hour but she gets confused and wants to touch everything. So they come at lunch and we eat lunch together. That makes me so happy but I cry so much when she goes (think the bay next to me thinks I'm filming a duff duff for eastenders when that happens)

OP posts:
TooGosh · 27/09/2022 22:44

OP you are having a right horrible time, I'm so sorry. I really hope you can sleep soon. I found hospital food interesting too but at least it provides some entertainment working out if the meal will be delicious or not! I ended up being a translator for the elderly hard of hearing lady next to me... That was also interesting, thank goodness I wasn't in for very long as after a few days of it I was mentally exhausted let alone the physical struggle of just trying to get well!
I do hope you're back with your family soon. They'll be missing you but know you're in the bestest place.

BloodyMabel · 27/09/2022 22:47

Sorry you’re having such a crap time.

Whatever happens you’ll hopefully be back home soon with your little girl.

Do you have a tv or headphones you can use with your phone? I always turn to AIBU when I need to kill time!

weekendninja · 27/09/2022 22:47

You say lush...makes me think you're Welsh.

Liver seems like such an odd choice because I'd imagine if you surveyed 100 people, 79 of them would rather something else. Grin

Tea and coffee is such a personal thing isn't it?! I'm a posh coffee drinker (but not posh) and very few people meet my standards.

weekendninja · 27/09/2022 22:48

That was meant to be a grin NOT gin...although I'm sure you'd prefer that over the tea.

gobbynorthernbird · 27/09/2022 22:49

@oohfuckinghell my baby is in her mid-twenties, so definitely not a baby any more. But still my baby.

That's so nice that you get to eat together, even if what you're being fed is a bit dodge sometimes.

oohfuckinghell · 27/09/2022 22:49

@Defiantlynot41
I met DH when I was sixteen. I worked on the tills at Waitrose. We got chatting a lot and I always found him beautiful (still do,) saw him every few weeks to pop in. He knew I had a boyfriend at the time as it's a small town and everyone knows one another.

Couple years later he asked if it would be appropriate to take me for a drink. Had the best time. We dated for 6 months before we became an official couple when I was 18. We have been together 10 years now, married for 3. He is amazing. He stuck through it all with me.

@Haggisfish3 yes I have Netflix. I've been wondering about watching the Jeffrey Dalmer everyone's about. Maybe not the right place to watch in a hosp.

But I've got my laptop and phone with Netflix and Amazon so any good watchers let me know!

OP posts:
weekendninja · 27/09/2022 22:52

Dahmer is disturbing. Really disturbing. I'm enjoying it in a wierd, horrified way.

If you watch it you'll probably be better with your headphones and screens away from everyone else!

oohfuckinghell · 27/09/2022 22:54

weekendninja · 27/09/2022 22:47

You say lush...makes me think you're Welsh.

Liver seems like such an odd choice because I'd imagine if you surveyed 100 people, 79 of them would rather something else. Grin

Tea and coffee is such a personal thing isn't it?! I'm a posh coffee drinker (but not posh) and very few people meet my standards.

Nope, no Welsh at all in me I don't think!
I'm in Hampshire. I do love the Welsh accent though.

And I don't know why I've written 'lush' because when I hear it in real life it makes my teeth fizz Grin

And absolutely pass the gin if you have some I'd happily inhale a glass. Or just poor it into my IV. Whatever's convenient!

OP posts:
gobbynorthernbird · 27/09/2022 22:55

If you're not going to start Dahmer, the Sheng Wang comedy special is great. Lovely, gentle, clever. I found his voice really soothing and kept nodding off so it took me about 4 goes to watch all the way through.

oohfuckinghell · 27/09/2022 22:58

gobbynorthernbird · 27/09/2022 22:55

If you're not going to start Dahmer, the Sheng Wang comedy special is great. Lovely, gentle, clever. I found his voice really soothing and kept nodding off so it took me about 4 goes to watch all the way through.

Oooooo thank you. I'll go and have a watch.

I've heard quite horrific things with the Jeffrey dahmer. I've got headphones and all curtains around me (in the only female on the ward and I'm on my period fab) so I close myself away most of the day Grin as I can only use a commode at the mo as hooked up to too many things.

(And Christ, a room with 5 other blokes and they all seem to be fantastic at snoring!)

OP posts:
solania · 27/09/2022 22:58

OP what a horrible time you’re having! I can only imagine what it's like having to be away from your daughter. Would you like to talk about her? What does she like playing with, or her favourite books?

I have no netflix recs but I’ve got some favourite youtube channels - Tico and the Man Frank Maggio(sp?) is a great mood lifter, or if you find parrots spouting v strong language hilarious (as I do) then X-Rated Ruby never fails to make me laugh! I have some dark history ones I also enjoy if you like that sort of thing?

Do you mind if I hold you and your family in prayer? I know not everyone believes in the power of prayer but it's there if you’d like it.

weekendninja · 27/09/2022 23:02

Teeth fizz Smile

Sounds like you have a cushty set up there.

lookslikeabombhitit · 27/09/2022 23:04

It's not a distraction per se but I've had a lumber puncture and it's not the worst thing. Don't get me wrong- not something I'd be cheerful about having but it's tolerable and you can always ask for more local anaesthetic/ for them to wait while it works.

I hope you get answers and back to your little one and DH soon op. Thinking of you.

PS- I'm watching the capture on BBC iPlayer. It's good for a distraction. X

oohfuckinghell · 27/09/2022 23:19

solania · 27/09/2022 22:58

OP what a horrible time you’re having! I can only imagine what it's like having to be away from your daughter. Would you like to talk about her? What does she like playing with, or her favourite books?

I have no netflix recs but I’ve got some favourite youtube channels - Tico and the Man Frank Maggio(sp?) is a great mood lifter, or if you find parrots spouting v strong language hilarious (as I do) then X-Rated Ruby never fails to make me laugh! I have some dark history ones I also enjoy if you like that sort of thing?

Do you mind if I hold you and your family in prayer? I know not everyone believes in the power of prayer but it's there if you’d like it.

Thank you so much. What a lovely offer to keep us in your prayers. That really means the world.

My DD loves reading. Her favourite book at the mo is 'that's not my mermaid'
We also have a big book with all the childhood tales and stories in so we read to her before bedtime beside her cot. I think that's what I miss her most dozing away when I'm reading to her. I've just ordered her a personalised book for her birthday.

I'll add all of those to the list of things to watch too. I'm probably going to be here for 10 days ish but could go either way and I have plenty of spare time to watch things!

OP posts:
oohfuckinghell · 27/09/2022 23:20

What's everyone's favourite thing to cook or bake? I love cooking and can't wait to cook some good fresh meals when I'm home. (Or comfort food)

What's all your go to comfort foods that you like to make?

OP posts:
Defiantlynot41 · 27/09/2022 23:21

Hopefully the zopliclone (?) will soon kick in, poor you with all those snorers.

I used to work for Waitrose, too, loads of couples who met in a similar way in our area.

oohfuckinghell · 27/09/2022 23:22

lookslikeabombhitit · 27/09/2022 23:04

It's not a distraction per se but I've had a lumber puncture and it's not the worst thing. Don't get me wrong- not something I'd be cheerful about having but it's tolerable and you can always ask for more local anaesthetic/ for them to wait while it works.

I hope you get answers and back to your little one and DH soon op. Thinking of you.

PS- I'm watching the capture on BBC iPlayer. It's good for a distraction. X

Thank you, that's good to know.

I had an arterial gas blood test done earlier my god they hurt a bit!!!

OP posts:
TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 27/09/2022 23:26

I'm in Hampshire, I was in hospital last year, but clearly not the same one as you!! My surgeon did a brilliant job, a few of the staff were fabulous, that's the best I can say.

Oh you poor thing! What an awful lot to have gone through & be going through.

many years ago I had a lumbar puncture, let's just say, make sure they give the local long enough to do its job!! If they do that, it's fine! (2nd one) It's an odd feeling having someone move your internal organs around, but if the local is working it doesn't hurt.


congratulations on DD, she's a proper little miracle!! Think of all the hugs you'll get when you get home!!

oohfuckinghell · 27/09/2022 23:26

Defiantlynot41 · 27/09/2022 23:21

Hopefully the zopliclone (?) will soon kick in, poor you with all those snorers.

I used to work for Waitrose, too, loads of couples who met in a similar way in our area.

Yes that sounds like it.
I had it just before I posted this - hoping it'll at least get me a few hours. My mouth tastes like a bunch of keys really metallic taste. I'm not dozy yet but I'm much calmer after a huge cry, a rant on here and the zopiclone.

OP posts:
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