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Just need a distraction.

55 replies

oohfuckinghell · 27/09/2022 22:20

I'll firstly say that this isn't an AIBU. I've made a couple of other posts under other users but I'm here merely for traffic as I'm having a fucking shit time.

I was admitted to hospital 19 days ago as I have started having black outs and heart palps / chest pains. They put it down to not enough fluids and being dehydrated but I was sent home and I've been eating and drinking a lot more. (Reason I struggle with eating is I've had multiple abdo surgery and chemo that's wrecked my insides due to an aggressive type of cancer) that was when I was 23/24. Im 28 now.
So whenever I vomit or feel rough I just put it down to that. Those blackouts never stopped and have turned into full blown seizures. They are fucking terrifying. I am AFAIK no evidence of tumours so it's looking like the seizures aren't linked to the cancer diagnosis. I can only hope and pray with everything I've got.

I had a CT this morning after a horrendous seizure and I've cut my mouth to bits. Something has come back on my CT which is looking like a stroke / bleed on the brain. They don't know to what extent of even for sure if it's this but my epilepsy tests have come back as normal (so far..) so tomorrow I'm having a brain MRI and also lumber puncture. I'm utterly shitting myself I am absolutely terrified. My mum had a stroke when she was 34 but it was injury related. But I'm sat here in tears, 28 years old, my baby is at home with DH and I'm so scared. I've been taken to one of the top nuero hospitals in the U.K. and they are being utterly brilliant.

I'm just terrified. From my Fitbit I've had 8 hours and 14 minutes sleep (this isn't too accurate though as I think the seizures are messing it up) so I've taken it off as it's doing my head in. They are giving me oramorph for my head pain and a sleeping tablet beginning with Z to help me sleep but I just cannot switch off. I'm so scared I won't see my little girl grow up. She is my utter world, our miracle IVF baby after my cancer. I was incredibly lucky to come out the other side of that too, I was on life support for a while after. But that's another story.

I'm scared. I miss my baby. I miss my husband. I am utterly exhausted beyond means and I just cannot shut down but until they know exactly what they're dealing with they can't really give me anymore medication.

So there's my current life story. Just seeing if anyones awake and fancies keeping me company. I'm scared about the lumber puncture as from what I've heard they are miserable. But I just want to get fixed up and go home. I am just so sad.

Anyone awake just for a chin wag with a stranger on the internet? (I'm sorry this is so woe is me, it's so unlike me. I've never been so sad in my life. An hour at a time I guess)

Thank you for reading if you made it this far x

OP posts:
oohfuckinghell · 29/09/2022 13:38

Pumpkinpatchlookinggood · 29/09/2022 10:57

A smiling one!

Oh my goodness me that's one happy doggo! Happy birthday ddog!

That's pretty accurate to what I looked like when I had the zopiclone last night!
I'm going down for my MRI shortly. It's a head one and I've got to wear a funny mask and I am slightly shitting a brick.

They are bringing me a diazepam shortly and I've never had it before so hopefully it helps a bit.

Friend has just been in and bought me a thermal flask and a bloody good strong tea. The tea here is... ok.. but the UHT milk doesn't hit the spot.

Also mac & cheese on the menu tonight and I love hospital mac & cheese.

Anyone else got any pets to show off? Animals make everything better!

OP posts:
Pumpkinpatchlookinggood · 29/09/2022 16:50

Once there was a lonely dcat.
His db had died and he was depressed..
Then his kindly owner bought him a dkitten of his very own.
And now he is a very happy dcat indeed!

Just need a distraction.
Just need a distraction.
Just need a distraction.
Defiantlynot41 · 29/09/2022 23:11

IME diazepam is like having a few vodkas, the world is still there but you're not particularly interested !

Hope it went ok

LeakyTapTap · 30/09/2022 00:06

One of my idiots. Yes, he broke the fence leaning on it. 🤣😁

Just need a distraction.
LeakyTapTap · 30/09/2022 00:07

(the link is a video! He was fine, just wanted to come in!)

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