Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel really uncomfortable and embarrassed about my child

47 replies

20221mum · 27/09/2022 17:56

My child started a brand new school as we’ve moved. It’s in primary school, in the lower end, but older than Reception (sorry don’t want to be really outing!). It’s been very stressful for everyone in the family for many reasons that I don’t want to go into.

well I had a text message last week from a mum I hardly know (she got my number from class WhatsApp) telling me my child punched her child! I was obviously very shocked and this is very out of character. I told her I would speak to my child. Today she approached me and I felt very uncomfortable and embarrassed. I apologised but really I am confused as they both were walking together and laughing at home- time on the day it apparently happened. I spoke to my child who has no memory at all. I know something must have obviously happened and I know the other child is NOT making it up but it’s really confusing. They both again played together today and my child said they’re best friends and wants a play date soon! I spoke to teacher who said she had no idea anything happened and neither kid came to her. They both seemed happy the day it apparently happened.

I felt really awkward with the parent and I apologised again. But Is this a red flag that I should keep my distance? I feel it would have been better if she directly spoke to school instead of coming to me. I am also concerned that if something like that happened why the teachers did not see it. Which is making me doubt my choice of school.

please advise me I’m feeling really embarrassed and awkward when I see this parent, I wish she hadn’t approached me directly. I’m under so much stress right now and can’t handle anything on top. I’ve really tried getting my child to talk about that day.

OP posts:
ChimChimeny · 27/09/2022 18:00

i feel it would have been better if she directly spoke to school instead of coming to me

Definitely, she was wrong to have approached you directly. You've done what you can by speaking to the teacher & your DC, just try to forget about it & don't stress anymore.

These thing happen all the time with kids, they usually move on & forget about it much quicker than the adults

35965a · 27/09/2022 18:01

Don’t speak to her again, if she has any issues with the children she should be sorting it out through the school.

Ewarty · 27/09/2022 18:02

She probably assumed coming to you rather than approaching the school was a better idea, I'd have been grateful for a direct approach.

It seems like there's a bit more going on and a lot to unravel with the different stresses you allude to - it could be causing you to be more stressed about this than you need to be.

It sounds like it's blown over? As long as you've talked to your DS about what's acceptable and what's not, and you've already apologised, just put it behind you (unless something similar happens again.)

nancydroo · 27/09/2022 18:04

She should have spoken to the school. Avoid her if you can. Uptight lady. You can't control what happens in school

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 27/09/2022 18:06

The child possibly said the wrong name, they're still young. Or kids mix up the story, or deliberately say the wrong child to keep the other child out of trouble.

let it go, assume confusion not malice.

kids fall out & make friends all the time!

i hope everything settles down for you !

Landlubber2019 · 27/09/2022 18:08

Imo this is definitely a red flag and you need to be preparing to be confronted again, kids fall out ! Don't apologise again for your child, they are learning and ultimately the school have a responsibility to keep both children from harm. When the parent complains about your child, ask them to speak to the school and agree it's worrying and that you hope the supervision will improve. Do not allow your child to become a scapegoat for every dispute and ultimately, you are not in school and can't witness first hand what is occurring.

icelollycraving · 27/09/2022 18:08

Why are you so sure she has got it right? Kids fall out and make it up v quickly. Punching should be something discussed with school not directly to a parent.

Original poster
20221mum · 27/09/2022 18:11

It’s just all very awkward! I just hope people don’t label my child a bully. I’m just feeling really low about everything. It’s really lonely for me right now moving to a new area and I feel sad for my child. I’m just at such a low point and didn’t need this.

OP posts:
TulipsTwoLips · 27/09/2022 18:12

I wouldn't be so quick to assume it really was a punch tbh! I teach and although it's not nice to even touch or push another child, it's amazing how many of the younger children call anything and everything a punch.

fairgame84 · 27/09/2022 18:15

This happened to me with DS. Turned out it wasn't even him that hit the other kid, it was a totally different kid.
Next time tell her to let school deal with it.

35965a · 27/09/2022 18:16

20221mum · 27/09/2022 18:11

It’s just all very awkward! I just hope people don’t label my child a bully. I’m just feeling really low about everything. It’s really lonely for me right now moving to a new area and I feel sad for my child. I’m just at such a low point and didn’t need this.

Nobody with sense will label your child a bully, honestly. Kids fall out and get over it quickly, they exaggerate and will say a kid hit them when it was a push. She was 100% in the wrong for approaching you - any other problems just tell her to speak to the school and don’t engage.

NotLactoseFree · 27/09/2022 18:18

Definitely keep your distance. If the kids want to be friends, fine, but I'd be cautious. I managed to get to year 6 before I had one of these calls and I still made the mistake of listening to the parent involved.... only to discover subsequently that HER kid was bullying mine and was blatantly and outright lying to his mother (and I have the WhatsApp proof as well as independent spontaneous comments from other children). Similarly, another parent (child and mum are friends with the original one) had a reputation of going in all guns blazing to other parents when she thought her child was being targeted.... except again, it turns out that her child is notorious for bullying AND she is a crazy vindictive cow who is now well known for being very aggressive and bullying to other parents.

If there was a real problem, it's for school to sort as you weren't there and aren't there on a day to day basis.

IggyAce · 27/09/2022 18:28

My dcs have now left primary, but when dc2 was in reception a parent approached me in the playground and asked me to have a word with them because her dc had been hit. I told her I wouldn’t because the teacher hadn’t informed me of any incident, it turns out that they hadn’t spoken to the teacher and when I raised it with the teacher she advised that it was a total accident and no one was to blame.

Id honestly keep my distance from the parent because they are likely to complain about every little thing.

cansu · 27/09/2022 18:31

First of all, kids do unfortunately hit and shove each other. However, it happened in school so the other parent should approach the school not you. If she approaches you again, you tell her politely to speak to the teacher.

Sarahcoggles · 27/09/2022 18:33

Kids that age are always falling out and making friends again. The other mum is being very weird to take it up with you. Just act like it never happened.

daretodenim · 27/09/2022 18:44

I've had a mother come to me about something my DC allegedly did to her DC. I told her "Thanks for telling me." And suggested it would be better to speak to the teacher as I wasn't present at school during the day.

It stopped her coming to me - and also stopped her listening to every whinge from her kid who I already knew had a history of bending the truth when speaking to her mother. I did speak to DD and reiterated what was and was not acceptable behaviour, and I spoke to the school (who said nothing had happened that they were aware of).

Now I'm friends with this mum!

Squashpocket · 27/09/2022 18:49

The mother of the other child hasn't figured out yet that she's not supposed to get involved in her children's friendships. She may figure it out in time or she may not. But she's shown you that she doesn't understand how these things work, so I would avoid.

You and your child haven't done anything wrong.

AtrociousCircumstance · 27/09/2022 18:51

Kids fight. You spoke to your child, the kids are friends, no problem.

Don’t feel awkward or embarrassed this is very normal.

Zuyi · 27/09/2022 18:55

I had this! I wasn't as nice as you because her son had a reputation for bullying. It was awkward and rense, but now we are friends! She's actually really cool and I love her honesty in general.

Etinoxaurus · 27/09/2022 19:00

Please have your child’s back. It’s worrying that you’re concerned about random woman and child not your child.

Softplayhooray · 27/09/2022 19:04

35965a · 27/09/2022 18:01

Don’t speak to her again, if she has any issues with the children she should be sorting it out through the school.

She sounds mad and whatever happened was a non issue. I'd even go as far as to tell the teacher you're concerned that the other parent is making a big issue of something that probably didn't even happen or was just rough and tumble accident stuff that the kids resolved themselves really quick.

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 27/09/2022 19:06

Have a line prepared for yourself so you're ready if it happens again. "oh no! Ms so-and-so never mentioned it. Poor lamb, is he ok? Thanks for letting me know"
I would be very quick to read my kids the riot act and apologize over poor behaviour but because I'd consider myself strict I also feel I owe it to them to be 100% certain of what happened before I say anything.

EmeraldShamrock1 · 27/09/2022 19:07

Yes she was totally wrong contacting you about the incident.

Definitely Queen Bee. 🚩

mcmooberry · 27/09/2022 19:31

I don't like the sound of her. Just how badly was she claiming her child was injured if she not only messaged you but approached you about it the next day??

Please don't let her add to your stress. Next time maybe say you will speak to your daughter but advise her to speak to the teacher about it. X

EmeraldShamrock1 · 27/09/2022 19:46

Hold your head up high going forward and ignore her if necessary.

Her actions says a lot about her character.

Sometimes ometimes you need to fight fire with fire.

Swipe left for the next trending thread