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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think its not even worth working!?

135 replies

Singlemum90 · 27/09/2022 17:08

Just been offered a job, for reference its about £35k. Initially I was super happy as I have been SAHM for a number of years & its in a field I used to work in but a bit different & a little less stress. And to me, that is a pretty decent salary!

After the call I decided to break down how much better off we would be, cost of living crisis and all that! I was thinking I would have a decent impact on our finances. But nope! With tax, student loan, childcare, the commute & a cleaner once every couple of weeks (we have children & pets- I would absolutely need some help if we are both working full time) I would only be up about £150 a week. And this is with wrap around care in school-goodness knows the cost over school holidays.

So really I would be working a full time professional job for £150 a week, max. I did origionally leave the work force because of this exact reason, but childcare costs then were for a full time childminder, I thought it would be better now my children are older.

I feel very deflated. Is missing time with the children, commuting, & the additional stress of working full time worth it for £150 a week!?

I apologise in advance I know I am incredibly fortunate to have the choice and to be able to afford to stay at home on my husbands income and I know £150 a week is a lot of money to a lot of people. It is a lot of money, just not what I thought a £35k salary would equate to.

So AIBU to think that it is s* to work full time for £7800 a year after everything that needs paid!?

OP posts:
gwenneh · 27/09/2022 18:06

The family pot is increasing - and yes, don't just factor the costs of childcare, cleaner, and any other shared expenses from your salary alone. They come out of the household and are for the benefit of the household, therefore you both pay towards them.

sst1234 · 27/09/2022 18:06

Who’s paying for you if you don’t work. If you are funded by a partner, you are reasonable to do whatever you want. If the taxpayer is paying for you to not work, then you are being unreasonable. And indicative partly of why we have a productivity in this country, where people can simply choose not to work because they will be subsidized.

Dishwashersaurous · 27/09/2022 18:06

35 is 2295 per month net.

You must have a really expensive commute and childcare to cost over £1500 per month

SpringIntoChaos · 27/09/2022 18:08

Christ, if only I were in a position to sniff at £600 a month! 😥

Captinplanit · 27/09/2022 18:09

It’s a shared pot. You don’t pay for everything out of yours.

£600 is not an insignificant amount of money per month.

I don’t think you really want to work and you want to be talked out of it.

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/09/2022 18:09

It’s a no brainer and you would be a fool to turn this down.

The point of a post maternity job isn’t really the disposable cash, it’s an investment in your future employability and your pension etc. Childcare also a split marital cost so it shouldn’t only be coming out of your pay.

I am quite shocked that there are people trying to talk you out of it. If you have been out of work a while and you get a chance like this you grab in with both hands. You may not get a chance again like this for some time.

Lolly86 · 27/09/2022 18:10

🙄

Schoolchoicesucks · 27/09/2022 18:13

£600 a month is a lot.
With increased living costs, that will cushion a lot. Mean treats and luxuries are still affordable. Nice holiday. Safety net in case something came up with your husband's work. Will you be paying into a pension? Saving for your retirement then.

If you'd sucked up the childcare costs when the dc were younger (even though you'd be less than £150 a week better off then), would your salary potential now be higher than £35k? That's the reason many of us stay in work while dc are young, even if we're not financially better off at the time when paying for full time childcare.

ChardonnaysBeastlyCat · 27/09/2022 18:13

Your username is Singlemum, but you mention a husband.

It's not fair if there is only one breadwinner in the household, especially if you have the opportunity to work.

GetThatHelmetOn · 27/09/2022 18:15

You take it, because if you have a single income in your household you all are in a very vulnerable position if your partner loses his job, becomes unable to work, dies or leaves you.

MayThe4th · 27/09/2022 18:16

I’ve just gone back to work and I am about £200 a month better off, and I’m ecstatic.

I’m guessing your dh must be a high earner if £600 a month isn’t worth getting out of bed for.

Tomorrowisalatterday · 27/09/2022 18:17

You're not counting pension.

Also can you WFH at least one day to save on commuting costs?

Can DH do some WFH as well? Might be able to save on a day or two of breakfast club that way

Could you both compress hours? 9 day fortnight each would mean no childcare costs for one day

Everyone I know with an office job does one or more of the above, I barely know anyone doing 5 days of wraparound

3ShotsOfEspresso · 27/09/2022 18:18

Feels like you don't really want to work tbh. Which is fine if you can afford not to, but £600 a month better off is huge. Pensions/prospects on top, yes, it's 'worth it'.

happy66 · 27/09/2022 18:19

I see your point, as a prior SAHM. Is entirely up to you and your partner of course.

Give it a try, or maybe look at part time.

Givenuptotally · 27/09/2022 18:20

(we have children & pets- I would absolutely need some help if we are both working full time)

this is ridiculous. I am a single working parent, with pets, full time and some more on top. I have managed without a cleaner.

Tomorrowisalatterday · 27/09/2022 18:22

Dishwashersaurous · 27/09/2022 18:06

35 is 2295 per month net.

You must have a really expensive commute and childcare to cost over £1500 per month

Wraparound at my son's school is £22 a day for both breakfast and after-school club, if you have two kids and do 5 days a week, it's the best part of £1000 a month.

BeanieTeen · 27/09/2022 18:23

So really I would be working a full time professional job for £150 a week, max.

That’s a significant amount of money. You sound like you’re looking for an excuse to not work. If you just don’t want to, then don’t. Sneering at an extra 600 quid a month is ridiculous.

Itsacafe · 27/09/2022 18:24

Hi OP. It depends on how significant that extra £150 p/w is in relation to your overall family income - eg. If it's only 10% or something, its probably not worth it on balance, given the impact you returning to work will have in the children. What does your DH think?

Mariposista · 27/09/2022 18:24

Pension contributions, your own dignity and identity, proper conversation career progression, increased savings as kids get to school age - it's not all about the here and now.

FlySwimmer · 27/09/2022 18:24

Are you taking all the childcare expense and the cleaner from your salary? If so, why? Surely your DH should be contributing at least half to that? Does that affect the bottom line if you divide those things in half?

Original poster
Singlemum90 · 27/09/2022 18:25

Thanks everyone, more replies than I thought!! So I believe I am being very unreasonable. Thank you all for putting my head on straight! I think I was very much thinking about it the wrong way, £600 extra disposable is a lot, and I do appreciate that. I don't mean to minimise that, it was more the frustration of not having a lot left after what I feel is a good salary. But obviously this is the case for everyone with bills, so I'm being daft. And yes I have done the sums, costs are correct.

I also don't think I would pay all of these costs myself as that would be silly, I was more doing a comparison of costs we don't pay now Vs what I would be paying and how that affects the family pot. And I did flag it up at the start that I know I am incredibly fortunate that I have a husband with a great salary, we receive zero help from the government as I think was questioned as my husband is a high earner.

I think I probably wasn't clear either as it was less about the money and more the extra stress, missing children's things etc but I do see everyones points about the long term which I have taken on board.

It is not a permanent post I should have mentioned, so at the moment I'm not sure about how pensions work or if I get any contributions, which is a big factor. But either way if I was to use some of the £600 for pension it would help in the long run.

Anyway, after speaking to my husband I have decided to take the post.

Thank you all!

OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 27/09/2022 18:25

Also you choose to have a long commute and childcare. Other people choose other things to spend their money on.

It's illogical to think about it in this way.

Many, most, people don't have very much left after bills are paid . Even on good salaries

Itsacafe · 27/09/2022 18:26

FlySwimmer - they will have joint finances if she's a SAHM. She just means the cost if childcare in relation to the extra Income coming in and if it's worth it.

FlySwimmer · 27/09/2022 18:27

@Itsacafe Yes the OP has just clarified that. In her initial post it wasn’t clear how she envisaged a split, if it all.

WalkingThroughTreacle · 27/09/2022 18:29

There is no career progression for the unemployed or SAHPs. It might not seem worth the effort to you right now but with a few steps up the ladder you could be on significantly more in a few years time. Add to that, as mentioned by PPS, some of the expenses you've listed will disappear in time.