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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH friends stag do 4 weeks after baby due

31 replies

barnep · 27/09/2022 08:06

Baby due 12th Feb, likely ELCS, so possibly comes the week before.
Already have a 5yo at home.
A nan may come for a day to help but no near or extended support available.
DH invited on stag do to mainland Europe 7-11th March.
Is trying to set the scene that it's not a terrible idea and maybe he could go.

AIBU to think he is off his rocker?
Or and I being a narky hag?

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 27/09/2022 08:12

No way. That's pretty scummy of him to consider. If it was one night I'd think fine, but no. Not 4 nights

FlissyPaps · 27/09/2022 08:12

Leaving you on your own 3/4 weeks after a c section … hell no!!!

HowVeryBizarre · 27/09/2022 08:12

I am usually a great believer in trying to give both parents some me time but he is taking the piss. Two nights away within an hour’s drive so he could be home quickly if necessary - not great but you might be able to make it work. What he is proposing is just selfish and wrong with your circumstances.

KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 27/09/2022 08:14

I’m generally quite relaxed about this sort of thing - it’s important for parents to have time with friends to blow off some steam - but 4 nights in Europe when you’ve got a possibly 3 week old and a 5 year old? It’s a no from me.

Notimeforaname · 27/09/2022 08:14

Jesus christ what does he think being a partner is ? He clearly doesn't understand his role in your life.

Greenkitten · 27/09/2022 08:15

Only if he gets a nanny for you for the time he’s away and the ten days or so before ( so you get used to them) or more realistically- no way!

JLQ1020 · 27/09/2022 08:15

My husband went to a wedding overnight 6 weeks after I had a section he was best man so had to go.
He did miss the stag as it was my due date (ended up going over)
I stayed with my inlaws and it was brilliant my MIL took the baby that night and I had a great sleep, was well fed and looked after.
So if I had someone to stay with me overnight I'd tell him go for it.

GrumpyInsomniac · 27/09/2022 08:15

4 weeks post partum would be bad enough. 4 weeks after a C section? He’s on another planet.

JLQ1020 · 27/09/2022 08:16

JLQ1020 · 27/09/2022 08:15

My husband went to a wedding overnight 6 weeks after I had a section he was best man so had to go.
He did miss the stag as it was my due date (ended up going over)
I stayed with my inlaws and it was brilliant my MIL took the baby that night and I had a great sleep, was well fed and looked after.
So if I had someone to stay with me overnight I'd tell him go for it.

Just reread more than 1 night... No way, 1 night I'd say was fine

TabithaTittlemouse · 27/09/2022 08:17

Nope. I’ve had 2 c sections and I couldn’t have coped. One had complications so had an even longer recovery.
Ask him how he would cope with two children alone after having surgery on his abdomen.

1994girl · 27/09/2022 08:19

I had an emergency c section 3 months ago. Really struggled on my own for the first 3 weeks, could barely walk or even sit up. My partner had to go back to work after a week so thankfully my Mum took time off to help me out at the beginning.

Tiswa · 27/09/2022 08:19

Nope and I would set out exactly why this isn’t you being controlling or a narky hag as you call it but simply just not possible

and that you are upset that he would consider leaving you and his 2 children one of whom is a baby at this point

SurpriseSurprise · 27/09/2022 08:21

I initially thought it was fine until I saw it was four nights. No way! Unless either grandparents can come and stay. One night, possibly two, ok but four. No chance

Original poster
barnep · 27/09/2022 08:22

Ok so update: He put this to me about 7.55am and I stormed off to the shower and wrote my angry moments post.
He had already come and apologised and said he got carried away but obviously not reasonable or fair.
So that's the drama over, thank you for backing up that I was not in the wrong!

OP posts:
Original poster
barnep · 27/09/2022 08:23

*angry mumsnet

OP posts:
Original poster
barnep · 27/09/2022 08:23

He's has already since come and apologise

Bloody dyslexia

OP posts:
Dreamstate · 27/09/2022 08:33

Glad its resolved but wanted to say if it was me as long as I had someone else willing/ happy to stay over to help out e.g. my mum or mil I'd have let him go - fundamentally you need someone there for support so I would of said arrange someone to come help me and then you can go

Thurst · 27/09/2022 08:36

I wonder if he would be up for looking after the newborn and the 5 year old for 4 days?
personally I’d be okay with it, single mums just have to get on with this stuff but I can understand why others wouldn’t.

AxolotlEars · 27/09/2022 08:41

With a plan in place, I would let him, if it's important to him. I have had 5 sections. The challenging thing is that no matter how you deliver you don't know how you will recover

AndTwoFilmsByFrancoisTruffaut · 27/09/2022 08:44

Glad he’s seen the error of his ways, OP. Although he really shouldn’t have mentioned it in the first place, should have been a straight ‘no way’.

faw2009 · 27/09/2022 08:50

I think some men don't realise a c-section is major abdominal surgery. My DH didn't.

newsaint · 27/09/2022 08:53

Glad he has seen sense.

It is important to have time with friends etc, but family always comes first - especially at extra-crucial times like you describe.

It also important to get your partners "permission" / agreement to go, because going away for a few nights directly impacts them and any kids.

Stag / hen dos are pure fluff and could scarcely be less important, compared to the circumstances you describe OP.

MikeWozniaksMohawk · 27/09/2022 08:55

7-11 March is through the middle of the week. You have a school age child at home. Apart from anything else, your DH expects you 3 weeks post CS to be able to get your eldest back and forth to school every day (is it walkable because you won’t be able to drive) and then do everything else with the kids on top of that?

MikeWozniaksMohawk · 27/09/2022 08:56

Oh haha just saw the update! Glad he’s seen sense!

NotLactoseFree · 27/09/2022 09:03

Well, this is the kind of story I like to see. Man (or anyone really) behaves like an entitled prat. Takes 10 minutes to think about it and realises the behaviour is totally not okay, so immediately apologises.

I feel like all is right with the world again.