AIBU?
To think there has to be a way out......
EricNorthmanYesPlease · 26/09/2022 21:13
I broke up with my ex this time last year as his eldest DD from a previous marraige was making my life so unbearable i couldnt stay. He wouldnt address the issues, so i called time when our DD was 14 months.
I had to stay in our home for a while as I had nowhere to go, and moved in with my parents shortly after Christmas.
Finding a house took a few months, but completing took almost 8. The house was ready and unoccupied, it was purely a crap solicitor.
Fast forward to now, weve moved in a few weeks and now my employer has told me my job is no longer secure due to the cost of living crisis.
Im a lone parent with a new mortgage on a shared ownership property, with no childcare available to me.
I dont receive CM (Separate issue), and have no clue where to turn!
I dont want to be stuck in a rut with no way out, but i feel like im drowning.
I am so happy I have my DD as she is just pure joy, but i never want to be in a position where ahe knows we are poor.
All ideas welcome...
Am I being unreasonable?
AIBUYou have one vote. All votes are anonymous.
BattenburgDonkey · 26/09/2022 21:15
Are you claiming everything to are entitled to with universal credit? It sounds rubbish OP, I’d start looking for a new job just to be safe.
EricNorthmanYesPlease · 26/09/2022 21:22
I dont know to be honest. When i did Entitled To, it only said im able to claim for Child Benefit, which my daughter currently gets anyway.
I just dont understand how that can be right when im only on minimum wage?
Im originally from the UK, but lived abroad for a long time, so i dont know what the processes are over here for claiming, other than the government website.
My heads all over the place as ive worked for them since 2016, and took a bit of a salary hit to do so because I loved my job
Raquelos · 26/09/2022 21:23
I'm so sorry you are in this situation it must be incredibly stressful. I just want to let you know though, it's not the end of the world if your DD knows that you're poor, you should teach her that there's no shame in that as long as she is a decent, hardworking, kind person. The most important thing is that she knows she is loved, as she clearly is, that's the thing to focus on.
I hope things improve for you soon.
jelly79 · 26/09/2022 21:26
Don't get too stressed OP. You sound strong and you have it together. You can do this!
Is it another job that you will look for? How much notice has your employer given and will they support time off for interviews?
EricNorthmanYesPlease · 26/09/2022 21:43
Thanks for your replies. She is most definitely loved, and even at 2 is extremely kind. Bit early to tell if she is hard working , but judging by how she is shes more management material - she delegates a lot! Lol
Seriously though, he's not really fully told me Im gone, but it was more of a heads up you're on the chopping block if anyone needs to be fired.
I can take anytime off for interviews as i WFH and its quite flexible.
Ideally id like to find another job like that, but not sure they exist!
Im just gutted that within 12 months, ive gone from having a loving relationship, dream home, nice life, to just getting myself and DD a new life and settled, to being told it could all come crashing down.
Ive managed to cut all of my DDs to essentials only, and my monthly food bill down to £50, even at that disposable income was going to be tight, but i like a challenge and was ok with that.
But now im just devastated
BattenburgDonkey · 26/09/2022 21:54
If your single and have a child, are on minimum wage and have a rent element (which you will with shared ownership) you will be eligible for some universal credit, you should apply. There’s a private group on Facebook called universal credit survival and theyl be able to help you work out what you may get.
averythinline · 26/09/2022 21:56
Start a claim for child maintenance.
Re UC it does seem odd your not entitled if ur on minimum wage and havd dc unless you have lots savings ...would be worth seeing a benefits advisor..
Also maybe to look for new job ..
. However if a big employer and you've been there a while you may get redundancy??
EricNorthmanYesPlease · 26/09/2022 22:02
Sadly i dont have loads of savings. I do have some, but not excessive.
Ill have a look at both the facebook group and for a benefits advisor.
Thank you for all of the suggestions, ill keep everything crossed for aome better luck tomorrow!
parietal · 26/09/2022 22:04
how big is your house? can you have a lodger? it is possible to get (for example) an older female lodger if that would work.
there is a £10 per day thread which tells you how to earn by doing questionnaires & transcription from your computer in the evenings - you have to put the hours in but you can earn a bit extra.#
do you have qualifications? what kind of jobs are you looking for?
EricNorthmanYesPlease · 26/09/2022 22:15
I have the smallest 2 bed house thats legally possible under shared ownership, so a lodger isnt an option.
No formal qualifications, but have done bookkeeping and payroll for 22 years. Happy to undertake qualifications though, but obviously now cant spend alot on them.
Ill do any data/admin/copy editing etc.
Ill take a look at that thread thank you.
AspireMe · 26/09/2022 22:25
I really don't rate EntitledTo even though everyone always refers to it. A friend of mine was on minimum wage and really struggling and it said they weren't able to claim for anything, which I found odd. I put in my own details and situation (minus what I was claiming) and it said I wasn't able to claim anything either, even though I was claiming and receiving at the time I filled it out. So I don't know if it's broke or doesn't work properly, but don't think just because it said that that you're unable to.
EricNorthmanYesPlease · 26/09/2022 22:40
AspireMe · 26/09/2022 22:25
I really don't rate EntitledTo even though everyone always refers to it. A friend of mine was on minimum wage and really struggling and it said they weren't able to claim for anything, which I found odd. I put in my own details and situation (minus what I was claiming) and it said I wasn't able to claim anything either, even though I was claiming and receiving at the time I filled it out. So I don't know if it's broke or doesn't work properly, but don't think just because it said that that you're unable to.
Thank you for that advice. I thought you had to go via the Entitled To link. I wonder how many others aren't claiming because of its misinformation?
Ill do some enquiries tomorrow x
mamabear715 · 26/09/2022 23:08
I agree with @AspireMe but for the opposite reason.. last time I used it - admittedly a long time ago - I'd have been a milionaire if I'd believed it! It told me what I COULD claim but didn't take into account that one benefit would rule another one out.. please go to Citizen's Advice, @EricNorthmanYesPlease - wonderful people who will help you with accurate advice.
I hope it's short term & you get a brilliant new job! Enjoy your new home with your little DD. :-)
Stopthebusplease · 26/09/2022 23:55
Try contacting Citizen's Advice online, they were very good when we needed information about what we could and couldn't claim.
www.citizensadvice.org.uk/benefits/
Yabado · 27/09/2022 00:27
Put in a claim for UC you won’t know till you try and at least if you have the claim set up you won’t have to do it again in the future
if your on a low wage with a young child you may find that UC pays some of the rent element and service charge( if you have one ) for your house
You can definitely get rent part paid if you need to and are entitled to it under UC
savings wise you can have up to 6k I think before that’s assessed under UC
between 6k and 16k they take a certain amount off any UC claim
OnlyOpenMouthToChangeFeet · 27/09/2022 02:02
Try turn2us, I find their calculator more reliable.
I put in some details, estimating you work 40 hours weekly at £9.50, as you stated you earned minimum wage. I stated savings under £6,000 (between 6 and 16,000 UC decreases the more you have).
I didn't put any information regards rent.
It assessed you as being entitled to £22.70 per week plus child benefit. You may also receive some help towards your rental element.
I know this doesn't seem like much, but it is worth claiming, as being entitled to means tested benefits can be a passport to other entitlements.
Wishing you the very best of luck with the job search, and happiness in your new home. 💐
GhostFromTheOtherSide · 27/09/2022 02:08
I get £1000 spousal maintenance from my eXH and I’m not entitled to anything from UC.
TBH OP I would look for another job, any job, and would jump before I was pushed.
Trez1510 · 27/09/2022 02:46
@EricNorthmanYesPlease
Some wonderful advice for you on this thread which will hopefully help you.
Just wanted to add, the Money Saving Expert site has an entire area dedicated to benefits. I helped a friend navigate a first ever claim for benefits and the MSE site was really good and totally non-judgemental with those genuinely struggling. Those looking for loopholes or attempting to actively defraud the system tend, rightly, to be given the proverbial flea in their ear.
Whilst I was seeking advice, I noticed they will take your figures (anonymously obviously) and steer you towards what you should claim based on your data, rather than wasting your time telling you what you may be able to claim .....
Good luck, and also want to say I'm in awe at your ability to feed you and your daughter for £50pm. Absolutely in awe.
EricNorthmanYesPlease · 27/09/2022 08:17
Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply. I will follow all of your advice today and see how i get on
Sadly i dont get spousal maintenance, and yes i pay rent and service charge, so thats good to know they may help.
Seems daft they have more than one online calculator for the same thing!
As for my £50 food shop, i could get it down further but i allow for treats.
Our area has a Food save project. You pay £2 pp and you get fruit, veg, herbs, bread, cakes and something random. Could be porridge, crisps etc. You then get some frozen food, every week includes a bag of chicken fillets. And other things. Weve had pork shoulder, veggie burgers, falafel, bacon etc.
Top ups of Fruit and Veg i do with the £1.50 boxes in Lidl. So between those 2 its £22 per month and £28 left for cleaning, toiletries and treats.
whereisthejasmine · 27/09/2022 08:21
Sorry I don't know how to sens direct messages. I know a firm that does 100% wfh accounting and book keeping (i do lot of work for them). If you can use xero you can apply to them to see if they're still looking for book keepers. DM me if that is of interest
hattie43 · 27/09/2022 08:22
I'd look for another job before the axe swings . Could you even diversify and become a child minder or some other type of wfh so you don't have to worry about childcare costs . Good luck and something will turn up , perhaps even better than you have now .
LuckyLil · 27/09/2022 08:29
Given this may well be a situation where beggars can't be choosers I'm struggling a bit with the stigma of not wanting a child to know they are poor. Hopefully they won't be raised to be that shallow that they look down on poor people and are aghast at the notion of being one themselves.
Blaise19 · 27/09/2022 08:34
So sorry you find yourself in this position.
Now, this is a bit left-field, but bear with me :-).
I don't know what your skill-set is (sorry if I've missed that), but how about looking for a live-in position with accommodation suitable for both you and your child, and letting your house out for rental income?
MrsMoastyToasty · 27/09/2022 08:38
Are you getting 25% Single Adult discount on your council tax?
EricNorthmanYesPlease · 27/09/2022 09:13
More great ideas.
I cant do childminding as my house is too small and under my shared ownership, its against the rules. The same for renting out the house, its a no no.
A live in position would be great though.
I will DM about the WFH Bookkeeping as i am fully trained in xero so thats right up my street.
As for the negative post about the stigma of being poor. Of course i am not raising my daughter to be shallow. Theres a HUGE divide in my family.alone of wealth brackets and i obviously would never point out the difference and make one seem better than the other. I judge people on kindness, not wealth.
Perhaps i didnt put it across properly as i was rushing with my post, but my Dad is from a council house and strived to do better for his kids.(which he did), i grew up knowing the value of things and its a brilliant life lesson. However, i want to do better again for my daughter and i think If every generation can do even slightly better than the one before we are doing well. My upbringing i was fully aware that my parents had to count their penniea to buy us a treat or to feed us before thenselves and that made me really sad. They didnt do it intentionally in front of us, but i was an inquisitive (nosey) child and was aware. Sadness is not a feeling i want my DD to feel as a result of a situation i find myself in. Thats not to say i can shield her from it in all aspects of her life, but this one i will do my damnest to.
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