Baby announcements on social media? Yes or no?

[Moana1212]

One of my friends has put a baby scan photo and vest with 'baby ...' on social media after the 12 week scan. It's her first baby. I'm in two minds about this, I get why people want to share the news, it's happy and exciting. It's also really positive and everything has gone smoothly far. Plus, she's has no previous losses which might make a difference.

But on the other hand, I feel like it's not a done deal at 12 weeks. I know that sounds really negative. Maybe my views are tainted by two difficult pregnancies and births. Both times, it felt like so many things went wrong. Fortunately, both dc1 and dc2 are now here and well but I couldn't have imagined sharing the news on social media when it felt so precarious throughout.

I get that my personal views and experiences might not be typical. Maybe I'm just traumatised by my own experiences and that's why I feel this way.

I guess I'm interested to know what drives people to put baby announcements on social media? Have you done it and if you did, how and why?

I'm with you on this. I post on social media sometimes, but I would never post this. I told my closest friends and family after the12 week scan, but I would never post that. So many things can happen between that and the birth. People who post their every fart on SM are incredibly irritating. Xx

There are no guarantees in life at any stage.

I nearly lost a child at age 2.
None of us know what is to come.

All we can do is be in the present and hope for the future, whether that be at 12 weeks pregnant, 12 days born, or 12 years.

I know it isn’t mandatory, but I find people who hide their pregnancy from social media like it’s some kind of state secret to be highly strung/precious/churlish

That's an equally odd position I feel as you may not know they've been through struggles ttc or loss or it's a high risk pregnancy

My dd was born before sm was even a thing, but I had lost 3 before her in 2 mc, been dx with endo, had surgeries etc and hers was a high risk pregnancy for a number of reasons so we didn't tell family until 14 weeks, and everyone else around 20 weeks as I was starting to show. I had my reasons for doing so.

And equally with that in mind it's good if others feel able to share but then if sadly there are issues then it becomes more known and talked about? Which may be a good thing?

Everyone has to do what is right for them ultimately.

I did for my first pregnancy.

Was going to for my second but found out I had had a missed miscarriage at my 12 week scan we had told family and close friends.

Third pregnancy we didn't tell anyone and hardly anyone knows I was pregnant and that was really hard so if I do get pregnant again I will tell people.

Have seen people on twitter announce it as soon as they get a positive pregnancy test result but again each to their own.

That's just the start, wait for all the updates and never ending photos.

I don't mind them, didn't do one myself, but I find it somewhat enjoyable seeing them on my social media feed.

I understand they can be a trigger for some people which is tough to see, but unfortunately different things in life trigger different people. If we were going to censor things that may possibly be a trigger to someone nobody would share anything on social media.

The only thing that annoys me about them is when people carry 10 different items like a baby grow and shoes and a doll and a board etc etc etc to a location like the beach or a park to get the perfect shot at sunset of their announcement.. That makes my eyes roll a lot but each to their own I guess.

According to the Miscarriage Association, if you see a heartbeat at 10 weeks, there is a 99.4% chance of the pregnancy continuing. So barring a very rare and devastating outcome, it is more or less a done deal.

Not to sound harsh but babies and children can die at any time. Nothing in life is a done deal. Its actually a bleak and a not normal way of looking at straightforward pregnancies.

I manage to go abroad and put nothing on social media. My friend thinks it's crazy I don't 'check in' to the airport / country. I just don't understand people. YANBU op. I wouldn't/didn't do it.

It's not just me then! I hated telling people I was pregnant with my first. Absolutely dreading it this time around 🤣

I’m 11 weeks pregnant and should our 12 weeks scan go okay I’ll probably be posting one. I wasn’t sure whether to or not but through one of my hobbies I have a fair wide circle of people who I’m friends with but not really friendly enough to directly message them. I honestly can’t be bothered to have the same ‘oh you’re pregnant!’ conversation 20x as I’m an awkward person haha so I’m thinking a social media post will do the job. If the worst happens, it happens, but I don’t feel like I’d hide that either.

I imagine the bump gave the game away!

Then I wait with baited breath to see what stunning announcements you make on SM if pregnancy news is as exciting as a fart.

I agree with this!

anyway, nothing in life is ever truly a ‘done deal’, so where do you draw the line? Don’t post wedding photos, you may get divorced. Don’t post new house photos, it may burn down. Don’t post photos of your pets, they may run away.

Totally agree with this! I find it awkward, like when do you bring it up, just randomly say it? And then there’s all the follow up questions. I’d rather it just be a known fact 😂

@Somuchgoo and you're absolutely right. I know this is what I should do but I find really hard to do. I do have mental health problems and I do live in fear a lot of the time. I know this is my issue and I know it's not healthy. I am in therapy for this and other birth trauma related things.

I wouldn’t personally share on social media- and I have heard from friends who’ve had pregnancy losses or long fertility journeys that scan photos can be very upsetting, so I definitely wouldn’t share a scan photo.

I announced it at 24 weeks due to a previous early stillbirth and had plenty of comments "why are you announcing it so late?" and some family members were angry because they felt left out. So there never is a time that is ideal for anyone apparantly.

@findingsomeone you're right. Someone said on a pp that I sounded jealous of my friend. I'm definitely not jealous that she's having a baby, I'm honestly happy for her. If anything, I'm jealous of the feeling of innocence and happiness that I never experienced in pregnancy, like you said, being in that lovely bubble. For me it wasn't pregnancy loss but a long, long list of problems and traumas which I've still not got over. Maybe I never will.

I've very sorry for your losses x

It may not be a ‘done deal’ - it’s not at any point really is it - but I think you’re making the incorrect assumption that people don’t realise that. They may still miscarry or have a still birth, and they’ll know that I’m sure as it’s always a fear for any pregnant mums, but that doesn’t mean they don’t feel happy to share their news on SM - or comfortable with potentially sharing their grief if they ever needed too. I’m a private person, so neither would be for me. But I can understand why others do.
As above, loss isn’t something that ‘should’ be kept secret. I would because that’s how I cope better. But others cope better by sharing, and it’s not something to hide or be ashamed of.

I always imagined I would announce my pregnancy with a scan pic on Facebook at 12 weeks- seemed a really quick way of sharing the news with people I might not see often or even at all, but whose lives I'm still somewhat interested in- the kind of acquaintances who I used to always love seeing nice news from - old school friends and such

However, after 3 cycles of ivf, I haven't done it for two reasons

1. After starting to think I would never be pregnant, I couldn't believe something wasn't going to go wrong. I wanted to put off saying anything as long as possible.
2. I really got to appreciate how triggering announcements can be- especially when they include scan photos - I've spoken with lots of people who experienced baby loss and the 12 week scan is sadly where lots of people get bad news, so scan photos popping up unexpectedly can be really upsetting

I also get worried every time someone announces a pregnancy in case it goes wrong. That's just because of my own anxieties

That's not to say I think people shouldn't announce pregnancies that way, I do think it's very normal, it's just not something I could do and from talking with others who have had difficulty conceiving or experienced baby loss, I think a lot of them feel the same

It’s not to my taste, but then I don’t put private info on social media - when I was pregnant we told family and close friends. We only put up a Facebook post a few days after he was born.

Each to their own, but no, I wouldn’t do it.

I shared my baby "announcement" at 12w but sadly went on to give birth to my son born sleeping at 22w. Posting the "update" was heart wrenching but equally I'm glad people knew he existed.

I went on to have another (this time healthy) pregnancy but chose not to announce anything until the birth for fear of it going wrong. After posting, I felt intense guilt that I could upset another family who maybe have kept any losses private.

It's quite a tough situation to figure out as it's obviously a very exciting time for most people but I can totally see why it's upsetting to. I've been there.

The pain and grief I felt when I miscarried two DC at just over 12 weeks on both occasions colours my feelings on this. At the time of my miscarriages I would congratulate my friend making the announcement but cry myself to sleep. I had to avoid social media for a while. But, I understand why people post and get excited.

*I hate this "we must keep it secret in case we lose the baby" logic. Baby loss shouldn't be a dirty secret. Women should feel free to tell people they are pregnant whenever, and however, they like.

Posting as someone who lost my first baby and felt like I couldn't talk about it for years after.*

I agree. We need to talk about loss - miscarriage shouldn't need to be a secret or a taboo topic. I'm sorry for your loss.