To think if he can behave in school he can behave at home

[bugsymalonemumof2]

DS is 6 and in year 1. Behaves impeccably in school, has extra support via his ehcp for his speech, listening and attention but really well behaved.

His behaviour at home is absolutely hideous. Swearing, hitting, constant screaming. Collected DD from her door on the way out of school and DS shoved a reception child flying.

I know full well DS wouldn't dare behave like this at school, so he very clearly can behave. So I've really pushed being even firmer with him as I can see he clearly can behave so it must be my parenting that is the issue. I don't have an issue accepting that but it just isn't working. For shoving the child earlier I made him hold my hands whilst I finished talking to DS's teacher. Then informed him for xx he was losing his after school tablet time. He then predictably kicked off re the loss of tablet time so once we were home I sent him to his room until he had calmed down. Dinner was 4pm and we spent 20 minutes after building some lego together as a bit of a chance to have a positive moment. It is now 5pm and he is running around incredibly boisterous again.

It is just constant and I am drained. His understanding isn't 100% so I approach him as a more recently turned 5.

How do you get even firmer to show that if they wouldn't do it at school, it also won't be tolerated at home? AIBU to know he can behave and to expect it here too?

Sounds like masking to me. Mine is the same (ASD/ADHD). I found walking or biking from school and having a snack to hand took the heat out of it quite a bit. Overwhelming for both of you

Thank you. I'm spending today getting a journey bag sorted with some sensory bits and a snack in to see if it helps get us past that initial bit but school also seem on board that if this doesn't help then to adjust timings of collection.

Camhs won't take him because of needing paeds, paeds won't take him because he has the label. I'm almost certain there is adhd and asd.

The parent of the child he hurt has complained, which I'm quite relieved they have as it has meant school realised it is actually an issue.

Lots of kids manage to behave at school, but it's a huge struggle for them and they then need to act out in a place/ with someone they feel comfortable with.

DS (NT) is brilliant at school, but since he started has had huge breakdowns at home. He even himself identifies it's because he has spent all day being on his best behaviour at school and following all the rules and that is really hard and tiring when you are that small.

Give your DS a break.

He will be masking at school

If he has an ECHP you need to cut some slack and start implementing logical consequences, natural consequences where possible too at home to start helping his at home behaviour.

I'd suggest if you have FB joining the therapeutic parenting group, thousands of parents in your position who have a lot of knowledge in this area and helping with at home behaviour

If DS has an EHCP you can secure the support/therapies CAMHS would provide via that. Then if the support is in section F the LA must ensure it is provided, if CAMHS won’t or can’t provide it the LA must commission independent provision.

If you request a reassessment of needs MH assessments can be part of that, too along with e.g. an OT assessment.

Pick ups not working for him, can you talk to the senco about either picking him up a little earlier or what we did was have my other ds walk round to his classroom so I picked them both up at the same time which worked for us