Partner annoyed I didn’t lock his own door.

[Hottimesahead]

Stayed over at my boyfriends over the weekend. I went into his garden to vape a few times and used his patio door. His patio door is in his living room, where he spent the remainder of his time after I left.

Habit I normally lock it, but apparently forgot this time. He texted me a passive aggressive note today to say he was lucky he wasn’t robbed or murdered as I left his door unlocked. I responded sorry about that, but it’s his door and he needs to check they are locked at night before bed. Also said sure it’s me? He replied he hadn’t gone out that door during the evening.

He said I have done it before and he doesn’t leave my doors unlocked when he is at mine. I replied I check all doors are locked before bed as it’s my house and my responsibility. Said I shouldn’t use that door in future.

he is now in a huff with me. But he has form for not locking his doors or securing his house when I am not there. There has been numerous times he has told me he forgot to lock his front door when at mine and returned home to find it unlocked. We went on holiday and he left a window wide open for 10 days.

I am right to be annoyed that he is putting responsibility on me for checking his own house is secure on a night?

YANBU at all. He sounds like he wants a mum not a GF.

If you are at someone else's house and unlock a door to go out, I would so it's polite to lock it when you return.

He’s being weird, his house, his responsibility to check the doors are locked before he goes to bed.

Complete non-event, is he usually this ridiculous?

You should have locked his door. If you leave someone’s door open, you apologise and take responsibility. “Sorry but..” is not an apology. It’s a bit rich expecting him to take responsibility when you’re not taking it for your own behaviour.

This.

Why wouldn't he check the doors before he goes to bed? That's a weird thing to not do!

If it was locked, you opened it to go outside and vaped - you should of locked it on your return.
I also think he could of asked you nicely “Hey do you mind locking door after you’ve come back in from garden in future”.
I would probably just apologise for leaving it open and move on

If the last time he went through the door he locked it why should he then have to check it before he went to bed? You should remember to lock it when you come back in.

Maybe he is used to his mum checking the doors before bed.

This. If someone went out my back french door and left it unlocked it would stay open weeks. I check my front and back doors obsessively but the French doors are not used so I don't check them.

You just take responsibility and say sorry.

You should've locked it and he should've checked before going to bed.

You probably made it a bigger thing by getting defensive, you should of just said sorry.

If the door was only unlocked by you for you to use it then you should have locked it.

If you unlocked it to go out, it’s your responsibility to lock it again

I normally do. But forgot this time.

just odd he doesn’t check.

Not necessarily....when I lived alone I'd automatically lock doors/windows behind me because I was the only one using them, so I never needed to go round the house checking them before I went to bed because there would be no reason for them to be unlocked.

I think you're in the wrong sorry OP - if I use something at someone else's house I return it to the state it was in before I used it - whether that's turning heating off/unplugging something I'd plugged in or locking a door behind me if it was locked before I used it. You're saying it's his responsibility because it's his house but wouldn't you feel a bit infantalised if every time you both left the house he did a sweep to make sure you'd turned all the lights off/turned the shower immersion off/unplugged your straighteners/blown out any candles/locked all doors etc. I know I would!

I think basic safety measures you'd expect each adult to do of their own initiative.

Also your apology was very half hearted -if you honestly thought it could have been him that left it unlocked it would have been fair enough to make that point but you seem to have accepted you opened a locked door and then didn't lock it behind you- perhaps his reaction was a bit immature and ott given he has admitted to also doing similar on other occasions but on this occasion you were the one at fault, so I would have just said sorry.

I check the doors that are in general use before bedtime but I wouldn't check the patio door that's only unlocked very rarely, unless I knew I'd unlocked it.

If I knew you'd been out, I'd probably check, but it wouldn't be on my usual routine and I would expect to find you'd already locked it.

Both of you seem determined to make a big issue of it though, TBH.

I would probably check myself, but I would and do expect anyone to lock a door in my house if they had to unlock it to get out. That's basic respect to me.
I'd be pissed if you did that to me.

You should have locked it when you came back in and apologised for leaving it unlocked.

I never look at doors I don't use or know that I locked earlier.

You should have locked it when you came in. I don't check a door once I know it has been locked.

I check my doors and windows. His responsibility

I check mine, but if I check and it is locked, I don't check again if I know I haven't used it!

You opened it to go outside, you should have locked it again when you came back in.

I don't either. As I know I've locked it. If someone used it, I'd expect them to lock it again.

I don't check either.

Why do you need to check that doors are locked if you "know" they are?

I wouldn't bother checking a door I 'knew' was locked. If you're opening a locked door, lock it again.

It doesn't matter what he does in his home. You're a guest and therefore need to be considerate.