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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Partner annoyed I didn’t lock his own door.

38 replies

Hottimesahead · 26/09/2022 14:43

Stayed over at my boyfriends over the weekend. I went into his garden to vape a few times and used his patio door. His patio door is in his living room, where he spent the remainder of his time after I left.

Habit I normally lock it, but apparently forgot this time. He texted me a passive aggressive note today to say he was lucky he wasn’t robbed or murdered as I left his door unlocked. I responded sorry about that, but it’s his door and he needs to check they are locked at night before bed. Also said sure it’s me? He replied he hadn’t gone out that door during the evening.

He said I have done it before and he doesn’t leave my doors unlocked when he is at mine. I replied I check all doors are locked before bed as it’s my house and my responsibility. Said I shouldn’t use that door in future.

he is now in a huff with me. But he has form for not locking his doors or securing his house when I am not there. There has been numerous times he has told me he forgot to lock his front door when at mine and returned home to find it unlocked. We went on holiday and he left a window wide open for 10 days.

I am right to be annoyed that he is putting responsibility on me for checking his own house is secure on a night?

OP posts:

Permanentlyexhausted · 26/09/2022 16:05

Are you both 14?

You should have locked the door. He should have checked it. Now one of you is in a huff and the other is whining on Mumsnet.

Grow up, the pair of you!

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 26/09/2022 16:09

I think if you unlock something - you should lock again afterwards or ask if they want it locked since people are going in or out.

But you are right - he should absolutely check the locks before bed if it worries him. That's his responsibility.

Sounds like he did check it and found it was unlocked and so complained.
Its fine to say please lock next time, its not fine to go into a massive sulk about it.

Ineedsleepandcoffee · 26/09/2022 16:12

I think you both have some responsibility here but he doesn't sound very nice so I voted yanbu

Original poster

Hottimesahead · 26/09/2022 16:17

Just in context. He did see me use it. It’s the passive aggressive tone used. It’s his only back door. He does use it daily to go outside.

I just thought it was normal to check doors secure before bed.

OP posts:

Orangello · 26/09/2022 16:18

I have some doors in my house that are almost never used and no, I don't check them every evening. And would totally be miffed if someone had opened them and not locked.

But I think you both should work on your communication skills. If he had just said that can you please check the door is locked if you open it, and instead of blaming him, you could have said sure yes I will - this all drama could have been easily avoided.

CableTidy · 26/09/2022 16:19

You're in the wrong. You're the one using the door, you should have made sure it was locked. I'd be pissed off at you leaving it open if it was me

bellac11 · 26/09/2022 16:24

You should have locked it

He doesnt need to check it because as far as he knew the door was still locked and hadnt been opened

And saying 'sorry but' is not an apology

Im not surprised he's pissed off

Cw112 · 26/09/2022 16:49

If you're going out through someone's door and have to unlock it to go out, then it's courtesy to lock it behind you when you come back in especially if they haven't seen you come in for example and might assume the door has been locked again. If someone burgled him and you hadn't locked the door and he didn't realise you'd be voiding his home insurance and while yeah it's good practice to lock up before bed and double check we're all human aren't we? So it's strange to not want to be considerate of someone who you're in a relationship with. Plus not all burglaries happen at night. DH would have left his front door unlocked during the day while he was home and only locked up at night before I moved in and insisted we locked it every time we come through it. Mainly because I work with young offenders and I know how many of them would chance their arm to see if a door is open looking for car keys etc sitting about nearby. I think it's just respect for his house and property.

knittingaddict · 26/09/2022 16:59

If the op's partner knew that he had locked the door why would he need to check it again? Obviously the op should have locked up again if she unlocked it.

Getoff · 26/09/2022 17:10

Tdcp · 26/09/2022 14:49

Why wouldn't he check the doors before he goes to bed? That's a weird thing to not do!

I lock my door behind me when I go through it. I would have no reason to even think about whether or not doors need locking when I go to bed.

FannyAintMeAunt · 26/09/2022 17:39

He could have waited till you go round ask you to lock the door when you come back in
no need for 546 texts

Nameless3 · 26/09/2022 17:44

He should have checked. He sounds like a right mardy arse.

autienotnaughty · 26/09/2022 18:04

bunnypenny · 26/09/2022 14:48

You should have locked his door. If you leave someone’s door open, you apologise and take responsibility. “Sorry but..” is not an apology. It’s a bit rich expecting him to take responsibility when you’re not taking it for your own behaviour.

What if he joins her does it then become his responsibility?
What if he sticks his head out the door while she's out still her responsibility?

Too much of a grey area. Moral of the story check your doors before you go to bed.

Agree though if your adding but to an apology you might as well not bother.

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