To expect a call from the boss - turned down

[AndImFeelingBlue]

Last few months boss has been prepping me for a big promotion. Lots of support. Lots of competition (internal and external). But also lots of 'no one could do this job better'.

I don't know why I listened so much as I knew he wasn't on the interview panel. But he's very senior and his opinion well regarded.

I started being an idiot and started thinking the job was mine.

We need the money. I am the earner in the house - I feel this pressure to provide for my kids and my DH (who does work but part time). I wanted to be the 'career one'.

Anyway - the recruitment consultant they'd hired in to oversee the process called me at 8am (OUCH) to say I hadn't got it. When I saw them calling at 8am I thought it would be good news - call before everyone gets in kind of thing. But it wasn't. It's gone to someone external with 15 yrs more experience.

No call from the boss. From the panel. From anyone. Just a hired consultant who said 'tough luck' and now I'm just getting on with my day, doing my job, and just had to go off a meeting early because I started to cry (I hid it).

Problem is they think I'm not ready, so me crying or being annoyed is only gonna make them think I'm immature.

I just have been working on this for weeks/months - I've read everything there is to read, prepared so hard, worked so many evenings, and has this boss in my ear saying how it's basically my job...

And now..nothing.

I had been saying to DH 'Ah the extra money is going to make us all be able to relax a little etc' and I just feel I've let everyone down.

Any words of wisdom. Do I just leave? Or try to? Or am I being spoilt? It was never my job. I just thought someone might call me to talk to me today.

If your DH worries about money, why doesn't he pull his finger out and get a full time job?

That's such a tough thing to happen, and you're not being unreasonable to expect a call from the boss. To at least commiserate with you. Is it possible your boss doesn't know yet?

This is MN at its worst. The OP hasn't written in regarding her DH, just that she's sad not to have gotten a job and the lack of follow-up from management.

First of all please dont feel you have let anybody down. You are being so hard on yourself but ultimately you cant control these things. I'd consider your next steps based on how much you want to stay with your current organisation. If you arent that fussed I'd look at external postings, moving companies is generally the best way to get a decent pay rise anyway

The successful candidate may not accept, or might be convinced by their current employer to stay with them. It’s not necessarily all over yet.

But I agree with the PP suggesting that you start looking at external opportunities.

That is tough.

The advice to take today to feel what you feel then to get back on tomorrow is good.

I have had similar happen. Boss walked out one day and I was left to cover her role and my own for the better part of two years. I was eventually promised an improvement to my package. After a few months I got an increase of less than £3k to do two people's jobs.

Has the senior manager been using you to take some of the load off him? Seen that happen all in the guise of mentoring.

Eventually I left the company and got a pay increase of 50%.

Ouch I bet that stings.

I'd suggest being gracious to the new guy but also looking around for other opportunities. Normally the best way to improve pay / reach the next level is to apply externally. It's totally crazy but most companies have much better budget to offer as part of recruitment than promotions. Certainly my budget for recruitment to replace someone who left always let's me offer more salary than I could ever have given the outgoing team member.

Good luck!

I feel your pain as I had similar!

Lots of encouragement from my manager and his manager. Told I'd be great blah blah blah.

Found the lengthy interview process quite stressful.

They hired someone external who was technically in a more senior role to me (they'd been in it 6 months, then put on furlough, then made redundant). He interviewed really well.

Turns out he's not as amazing at the job as they thought he'd be and his probation was extended after he received a few tellings off from our manager.

I privately gloat.

I was in the same boat a few months back. Everyone told me that I was pretty much guaranteed the role.

I was gutted but when I say who was appointed, it was clearly a more experienced choice so it was easier to accept.

I did however ask for a pay review as past of the feedback sessions and got one.

Be totally positive in how you handle this and tey pay negotiation. Don't mention anything negative etc.

Hi, sorry you didn't get this job this time. I think it was unfair of your boss to tell you that it was "Basically your job" if they actually had no input into the decision.
Feel upset and annoyed for a day. Tomorrow, start again. Think about if you would like to look for a job that you missed out on ,elsewhere, or stay where you are,and gain more experience.

You absolutely haven’t let anyone down. I try to think with these things that 1. Things happen for a reason, 2, other doors that I wasn’t considering will now open, 3. it isn’t personal when someone else is simply albeit sadly better experienced for the job. There was zero you could have done probably to have got the job.

It’s shit. I’m in a similar position. Now reporting to a manager who is new and all at sea.

Unfortunately the trust is now gone. I gave it a fair go for a month, but the whole team dynamic is now a car crash. I’m outwardly positive, but internally I’ve checked out and am looking for another role.

Firstly, allow yourself today to wallow and feel a bit shit. Been there, done that and I feel for you because it's awful.

Secondly, if you haven't heard from your boss by end of day, then put some time in his diary. In an ideal world he'd be sensitive and get in touch with you to find out how you're doing. But what's ideal doesn't always happen, so be proactive and put the issue on the table, and ask for his feedback.

Thirdly, ask for feedback from the interview panel/recruiter. Acknowledge that the successful candidate was shown to have more experience, but request specifics on what exactly within this experience was the 'winning factor'. Then take that feedback, assess whether you think it's honestly fair and constructive, and if it is then use it to address the gaps in your skill-set.

Fourthly, dust off your CV and look externally - you wouldn't have been shortlisted for this interview if they didn't think you could do the job. You lost out, which was unlucky, but you were still bench-marked. Looking externally doesn't mean leaving your current role - it just means exploring what's out there, so that you can make an informed decision about whether staying in your current firm is the best thing for your career development.

Finally - and I'm not being sarky - if your H is worried about money then why is he working PT? Why isn't he trying to get more hours - or if they don't cover childcare (which is what I am guessing is the reason he's working PT), then why isn't he looking at up-skilling or re-training so that he can find FT work which does cover all the outgoings? Again been there, done that. But if he's worried about money then he also needs to do something about it.

I know how much that turndown stings. I also relate to feeling like you've let your family down even when your DH doesn't think the same.

What I'd say is there's vastly different experience between you and the other person. The execs must have plans for the job they've not mentioned otherwise why would they hire someone with 15 years experience who could potentially be bored quickly.

It's not personal to you and new opportunities will come up for you. Hang in there

If you are ready for that work at that pay, then you are ready for it. That you didn't get the job on this occasion is immaterial. I'd look at similar roles for a similar pay increase at another company. Don't hurry. Look for something that really works for you and your family in terms of location and hours, and keep using any newly acquired skills.

Also, bear in mind, the person who got it is on probation. If they don't work out, you could negoiate...

I'd ask for a debrief with your boss and present yourself as extremely professional about it all. Say you were glad for the opportunity to go for it, and that it made you realise how ambitious you are. Ask what qualities made them think you would be right for the post (you can then add these as skillsets for any job applications you make.) Ask if there is any other upward movement or internal promotion that they think you might be suitable for, and ask how you can use your new skills and knowledge.

It's a step forward, even if you didn't get the job on this occasion.

I agree with PPs who said about sometime external candidates are so good you just have to take them on, despite how good the internal ones are. At my old role, part of the interview process for the doctors was an open presentation (anyone from the cleaners to the senior consultants) could come and watch them. You then had to score using score sheets and the results would be used as part of their interview. One time we had 3 internal and 1 external. I knew all the internals and knew they’d be fab but the second the external walked in the door I knew she had it and within 1 sentence she’d blown them out of the water. I’d heard that thing about panels making up their mind in 30 seconds but never believed it before. That definitely proved it as she was successful.

Good luck for your next interview.

Today will be tough 🌸

I went for an internal role recently more base much better bonuses etc and didn't get it

Would be worth booking in some time with someone on the panel for feedback

I did this and was given great feedback and similarly lost out to an external candidate with 15+ years experience but found our that out of 117 candidates I got down to the final two

I'm currently applying externally for a new role (many new roles)

@Twizbe

Such wise, kind words.

I’d also add, don’t worry about just giving it one day before you spring back as if nothing happened. It’s taken me a month to process what happened (it was a bit unusual) before I feel ready to get back out there to pursue my ambitions. I’m there now, but one day in I was still reeling and the emotions hadn’t hit me.

Also, no one phoned me either. No one even told me who had got the job - I had to text one of my assistants to find out. Even now I feel pretty siloed and my inbox is deathly quiet. The only person to ask how I am has been a junior from another team.

Appalling isn’t it.

Agree with the post above. I'd recommend contacting HR or those on the panel saying you would appreciate it if someone on the panel could take the time to go through your interview with you. They shouldn't refuse you this, especially since you are an internal candidate. It isn't a fun thing to do; having someone point out your weaknesses or where you gave poorer answers to a question, but it will help you when you next apply for something so you don't repeat any mistakes and give stronger answers. Unless you interview regularly, the methods used for assessing people do change and it is helpful to see areas you can work on.

You're going to feel down about it today, but don't let it show in the work place and make sure you get along with the new person when they start. Try to think of the interview as having been a useful practise exercise and if you can, apply externally to gain some more practise. A PP suggesting asking for a pay review and you can do this along with asking for a Mentor or some training you've always wanted. This helps you be seen as "keen" to progress rather than "bitter" that you didn't.

@AndImFeelingBlue

This happened to me within the nhs

But I emailed the panel they said I needed more experience in x, y and z so I asked for tasks in these areas to gain experience

I am a band 4/5 I got 2 days as a 5 after doing this as a jobshare and I jobshare my band 4 and now I'm half a 5 when another comes up 30/37 hours I'm in a much better position or even a band 6
I was interviewed for one but didn't get it but got the interview but again asked for feedback and I'm just about to start a projects secondment for 6 months so something else to focus on

Tomorrow is a new day as they say I know it's disappointing but hang in there, get some feedback and hold your head high 😊

Thank you for all your supportive comments. I feel furious one second and then like "ah well, I can learn from it" the next.

No calls from anyone actually at the company still. The HR director has emailed me about something else. I think perhaps the issue is that its chaotic and nobody is sure who knows what so everyone is keeping their head down. I've got no idea who's got it. Nobody is speaking.

Anyway I've spent the last couple of months not doing anything for me...missing personal appointments, working late, ignoring kids when I work. So I'm just gonna take some of that time to focus on kids, home, and then start looking at other stuff

It really hurts though. Weird how personal and hurtful work stuff feels sometimes. I had so many ideas and hopes for the new role and just feel so disappointed none of it will happen.

@AndImFeelingBlue the silence makes it worse doesn’t it. It feels like they don’t even have enough respect to man up and call you to chat about what happens next. Fuck me, you (and I) deserve that, after all the time invested in the application.

I’m dialling it in for now. One foot in front of the other, doing just enough to still look good, while plotting my next move.

Is you DH a sah parent? Could he get a part time job for extra money?

Don’t judge your boss for not calling. He might be worried that you’ll quit if he speaks to you too soon, or that you might get upset on the phone and he won’t know how to deal with it.

What’s more likely is that he’s been trying really hard all day to get the decision changed and he has got nowhere. DH had that once - external candidate, HR said he hadn’t been hired because failed assessment on X, DH knew that the guy’s old job showed he could do X brilliantly and that the test was nonsense, and DH didn’t call the candidate because he spent a lot of the day harassing HR into hiring the guy. Now with your example that won’t happen because they’ve already hired the other guy and there’s only one job, but I just mean your boss may have been trying to change the situation in some way and you may never know about those conversations.