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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dishes at the top of the stairs

79 replies

littlemouse15 · 25/09/2022 20:44

my partner kicked an empty glass down the stairs accidentally.
He wasn't happy about it(the glass being at the top of the stairs)
He asked for my help cleaning it.
I had just started organising my stuff for college in the morning,
he asked who put it there and i said my son. Then he said ' well it shouldnt be there, so can you help me clean it'
I said 'no I can't cause I'm doing my college stuff.'
He said 'well he can't help me cause he's six, so I'm not gonna do it on my own'
then I laughed and said 'he's got that from me, I always tell him to put them there and take them down when he's finished'

My son put the glass about twenty minutes before, as he had just cleaned his room and it was put it there so he could take it down when he finished (he's 6 so couldn't clean glass up),
I had been down to grab my laptop for college but didn't grab the glass on way down(didn't kick it down the stairs either)

Partner then said to me 'im not doing it without you, it won't be an inconvinence for you, so you won't think twice about doing it again' ,
(I took this as I'm going to teach you a lesson)
I said ' we've always done it so I'm not gonna tell him diffrent now'
Partner at this point just sat down refusing to clean it up without my help.
I said I would clean it on my own at my own convinence as it doesn't take both of us.

I finished my college stuff, went down n cleaned up downstairs including the glass.

As far as I'm concerned when cleaning stuff that belongs upstairs gets put at bottom of the stairs and stuff heading down goes at the top.

So the question is.

Am I being unreasonable to tell my child to leave the glass there In the first place.

If he hadn't said the whole thing about trying to inconvenience me so I would think twice next time, I don't think there would of been an issue.

OP posts:
Sux2buthen · 26/09/2022 06:21

And you also ignored the glass to go and get your laptop as well?
Sounds like your partners getting fed up

PorridgewithQuark · 26/09/2022 06:21

The whole thing sounds a bit ridiculous, and your partner sounds petty and childish for making such a huge song and dance about needing "help" to clean up a broken glass and making not doing it without you"helping" him a matter of principal.

Nevertheless it's completely stupid to leave breakable items at the top of the stairs and even stupider to actually advise a child that it's a good idea to do that and in fact that it's what you recommend always doing.

We don't leave items at the bottom or top of the stairs to carry up/ down. My parents used to do that but I'm glad we never got into the habit. Thankfully we don't have mobility issues making using the stairs difficult (and are not so desperately lacking in food sources that we need to conserve energy to the point of avoiding walking up or down stairs...). Unless you and your household do, then stop being so lazy (its a false energy saving as it's far more fuss cleaning up broken items than just walking up and down the stairs once extra).

MRex · 26/09/2022 06:27

We leave piles of things at the top or bottom of the stairs to be moved together. They are not left directly in the way of the stairs and we never leave anything breakable except on the shelf. It's a dangerous thing to teach your son; I've no idea why you would do it, and I'm not surprised your partner was annoyed about it. In our house, cleaning broken glass would always be top priority too, because someone could get hurt or traipse it through the house to cut feet later, so again you were hugely unreasonable to focus on your bag instead of the hazard. Your partner was petty and unreasonable too not to clear it up despite his understandable irritation at your behaviour. I really wouldn't like to have to live with either of you.

NumberTheory · 26/09/2022 06:31

I’m with the majority in agreeing that it’s not a sensible way to handle getting the dishes downstairs. If you and your son have been living without another person in the house for a while I can see how it developed and how the risk would be significantly less but with a third person it is just an accident waiting to happen. But I don’t think it’s the point of your post.

Your partner kicked it down the stairs and then wanted to insist you be involved in cleaning it up to “teach you a lesson” like you’re a teenager or something. Not wanted to discuss a better plan with you so it didn’t happen again. And he didn’t muck in to do what needed to be done to make the household run smoothly. He stomped his feet because he didn’t think he was responsible and he didn’t want to do it.

That is pretty outrageous and an awful role model for your DC.

Is that the only way in he patronizes you?

Goatinthegarden · 26/09/2022 06:35

The fire brigade came to visit my class the other day. One of the things they specifically mentioned to the pupils was that you should never leave any items on the stairs. It could make leaving the house in an emergency much riskier.

It never actually occurred to me to leave things on the stairs. If I have something in my hand, I’ll just make the full journey to go and put it away.

Clutterbugsmum · 26/09/2022 06:37

While I don't agree with your partner behaviour, if you allow your 6yr old to take glasses up stairs then you need to teach them to bring the glass back to the kitchen and not leave at the top of the stairs.

Aprilx · 26/09/2022 06:37

I think you caused the breakage (by telling your son to leave a glass there and then not moving it when you went past) and you should have cleaned it up immediately. I have honestly never heard anything as ridiculous as leaving glasses or crockery at the top of the stairs. I also don’t know why you thought it was funny. Yes he did treat you like you are a child, but then you did act like one.

UnderCoverFieldAgent · 26/09/2022 06:40

Two things.

  1. Really stupid to leave things at the top and bottom of stairs. Looks messy and takes a few seconds just to take them to where they actually need to be.
  2. Real problem- Your DP sounds like a moron and this needs to be addressed.
HintofVintagePink · 26/09/2022 06:42

Yabu. Smashed glass down the stairs and you’re prioritising getting yourself ready?
Nothing should ever be left on any part of the stairs, especially with young children in the house.

tranquiltortoise · 26/09/2022 06:53

It does seem dangerous to leave glass/ crockery at the top of the stairs. Someone could actually trip and fall over it too, and then really hurt themselves with broken glass/ ceramics everywhere. Yes that's catastrophising but you've already got a situation where you have broken glass everywhere.

If you're going to leave stuff at the top of the stairs, maybe put a box or a small table or something there, so it's not just on the floor where it won't be seen.

Your husband's behaviour was incredibly petty . The glass should have been cleaned asap by whoever was available to do it.

I think you need to have a conversation about safety and also about who is responsible for removing hazards from your home (answer - the person who sees it first/ is available first - to get rid of the hazard as soon as possible!)

What if your son had walked on the glass whilst you and your husband were stood debating who should clean it?!

itsaich · 26/09/2022 06:59

Mine's 6 and she brings all her cups down, only plastic or metal for her, no glass. She doesn't eat in her room, problem solved.

LetHimHaveIt · 26/09/2022 07:02

You're emphatically in the wrong. Putting a
glass at the top of the stairs is incredibly fucking stupid anyway, and this in tandem with your gurning 'He gets it from me; what am I like, lol"' attitude while you fannied around with what ought to be a thirty second job, would make me livid.

Iknowthis1 · 26/09/2022 07:04

Leave whatever you like (other than glass) at the bottom of the stairs but nothing should ever be left at the top of the stairs. It's a trip hazard.

HoppingPavlova · 26/09/2022 07:27

then I laughed and said 'he's got that from me, I always tell him to put them there and take them down when he's finished'

I’m guessing your DH was a twunt because of this. You have instructed your son to do something silly and dangerous, it went pear shaped, you ignored it, this caused a problem for someone else, when they pointed out this was really on you and would you mind giving a hand, you get arsey and laugh. That would be enough for me.

SO224350 · 26/09/2022 07:29

When you laughed and said 'he's got that from me' was it a tinkly laugh?

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 26/09/2022 07:30

I'm puzzled as to why DP would need help to bring a glass downstairs.

Just how big is this thing?

Or was it one of these?

Dishes at the top of the stairs
BadLad · 26/09/2022 07:38

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 26/09/2022 07:30

I'm puzzled as to why DP would need help to bring a glass downstairs.

Just how big is this thing?

Or was it one of these?

Read the OP again. The DP doesn't need help to bring a glass downstairs. The glass was left at the top of the stairs, and he failed to see it, so he kicked it down the stairs, and then wanted help clearing up the broken glass.

Bretonbear · 26/09/2022 07:43

GroggyLegs · 25/09/2022 21:04

Don't put a glass at the top of the stairs, it's silly.

Don't be with pompous men who treat you like a naughty child.

This

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 26/09/2022 07:45

BadLad · 26/09/2022 07:38

Read the OP again. The DP doesn't need help to bring a glass downstairs. The glass was left at the top of the stairs, and he failed to see it, so he kicked it down the stairs, and then wanted help clearing up the broken glass.

Show quote history

Ah yes, I see it now (unlike DP!)

KendrickLamaze · 26/09/2022 07:47

A grown man needing help to clean up a broken glass is more ridiculous than leaving stuff at the top of the stairs to bring it down. I can't believe people are more focused on that.

Next time put it at the top but on a window or at the back near the wall so it's less likely.

BadLad · 26/09/2022 08:00

I'm not reading it as his needing her help. He's insisting on it as part of teaching her a lesson.

PorridgewithQuark · 26/09/2022 09:20

KendrickLamaze they're both ridiculous.

However BadLad 's interpretation (which is the way lots of people have read it) is probably correct. Which IMO is even worse.

As GroggyLegs said it's silly to leave (and actually teach a child that it's correct to leave) a glass at the top of the stairs, but it's also a poor idea to remain in a relationship with a man who treats you like a naughty child who it's appropriate to "teach a lesson" to.

A romantic partnership should be of approximate equals, not an asymmetrical parent or teacher and teen/ child relationship! Even if the op was acting rather childishly in the situation she described....

MinimumMadness · 26/09/2022 09:33

Partner then said to me 'im not doing it without you, it won't be an inconvinence for you, so you won't think twice about doing it again' ,

Your partner sounds like a dick saying that. He doesn’t get to teach you lessons. He should have cleared it up and then asked you and your son politely not to do it again from a safety perspective. It could have really injured someone if they’d have been at the bottom of the stairs so I wouldn’t continue to do it if I was you.

WhatALoadOfWankyness · 26/09/2022 09:41

If I'd taught my child to do something so stupid I'd offer to clear it up myself not prioritise sorting college stuff out

Isaidnoalready · 26/09/2022 09:41

We do it here leave things top of the stairs just off to the side to bring down but ds has suspected dyspraxia and coordination is not his best friend so we have plastic everything is plastic so zero breakages when he tries to bring stuff down

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