Would you feel lonely too

[Everydayislikesundays]

Does anyone else just feel lonely…quite a lot, even though you have people around you?
I’m a Sahm to one dc, family live far away, I see them every few months. I have some mum type friends who I meet every couple of months with the kids and have friends I’m in contact with from school and workplaces over the years, don’t really see them as I live far away.
Dh works normal 9-5, only during the week.
Dc very energetic and chatty, never get any peace 🤣
So, why do I have this feeling of loneliness?
I don’t think it’s being a Sahm as I felt it when I worked
Is this depression?

Sorry, posted too soon…would you feel lonely with this life? Am I doing something wrong 🤷🏻‍♀️

So, just to clarify, it's just your dh, your child and you basically all the time; and you only see friends once every couple of months?

What do you do every day, every evening and every weekend? (Just trying to get a clearer picture of your life).

You’re doing nothing wrong, you just need a little more community.

You sound busy and like it might be hard to carve out some time for yourself, but maybe joining something just for you might help? Choir, church. WI, volunteering…

@arethereanyleftatall Yes, well I see people everyday mainly at pre school drop etc and possibly mums meet ups more than that, it really depends, it can be weeks not seeing each other then every week.
Evenings we’re at home with Dd or in summer out at the beach/playground etc and weekends we go away or have child things to do with Dd

Is it more of a deeper daily connection that you're missing?

But you don't have people around you

By your own admission you don't see friends often at all, I'd question if these are even actual friendships.

You need to build up a community - you’re depressed because you’re lonely. I’m a single mum and I work hard to several networks of friends I can call upon for company - otherwise I’d go mad. But I did put in work to build these up, it doesn’t (usually) just happen

@HamiltonFan1 We all have young kids and tend to all see each other the same amount, when we can get it organised!
So we’re all pretty similar

@StrictlyAFemaleFemale Maybe, I’m not sure 🤷🏻‍♀️I mean, do others with kids and families see friends etc everyday? I don’t see it happening in my mums group

I see some form of friend every day.

Most have more than one group of friends to socialise with

@HamiltonFan1 How? Do you have kids etc?

I'm not surprised you're lonely. I would suggest a hobby a few evenings a week once your dh is home, meet up far more with other mums after school and weekends.

I think seeing friends every day is unusual ! Don’t think that’s the norm at all

@SpinningFloppa I know 🤷🏻‍♀️I know that in our group we only ever all see each other sporadically and weekends are often for families etc. I’m pretty knackered in the evenings to do extra hobbies, perhaps I need to push myself

I was always friends with mums/parents of my dc friends. Chatter at school gate often led to all going to the park or pizza express. After school activities, always a natter with other parents, or I remember at brownies all of us used to go across the road to the pub, unless it was our turn to volunteer.
So, absolutely yes, speaking to friends every day, don't necessarily mean spending 4 hours going out for dinner with them.

It doesn't need to be a sporty hobby. Book clubs, stitch and bitch etc

I have 2 kids

And what do you mean how?

I even work FT and still see friends daily.

Ok, it’s ok just asking

I think to fend off loneliness one needs to have relationships where you are are mutually invested with each other. Where you would both feel it deeply if the other person’s n left or died. More shallow friendships don’t fend off loneliness.

I think MN doesn’t really reflect real life I think meeting up with friendly daily is unusual I wouldn’t want to meet up with people daily 😣 I would find that tiring some days I want to just chill out, I don’t want to meet anyone daily, between working, kids cleaning cooking etc most adults don’t have the time to see friends daily

What are you doing whilst your dc is in pre school op? If it's hw, leave that till you're all in the house, do that whilst you all have to be in anyway. Grab the rare free time to do your hobbies/socialise in the day if you're too tired of an evening.

That isn't my experience at all @SpinningFloppa, unless you're misunderstanding and thinking 'seeing' friends daily means full on days/nights out. People are referring to the 20 minute banter at the school gates, the 10 minute coffee chat with a friend at work etc etc

It's not frequency of contact with people that matters, its quality.

Are the "circle" you refer to friends (genuinely) or just aquaintences?

It's easy and common to be lonely in a crowd, including a crowd of small-talking aquaintences and equally not to be lonely alone, knowing that you have one good friend at the end of the phone line if you feel like calling or that you'll see them a week on Saturday and feel completely comfortable.

Hi OP I’ve read your posts not RTFT but I would say you need to find something for you. Something you want to do.

i agree with a PP on quality of time with people too! I have started condensing my social circle as it really started getting out of hand in a sense I was busy here there and everywhere - nights out, theatre etc with soo many diff friendship groups that I wasn’t able to focus. So just make a call on perhaps a couple of friends.

I’m not surprised because you don’t have a good support network or community around you. It doesn’t sound like you are close to any adult apart from DH.

It will take a bit of time, but you need to slowly work on embedding yourself into the community more, and building friendships from there. Is there anyone amongst the mum friends that you think could become a proper friend? But other than that.. book groups, walking groups, volunteer stuff, community choir.. take a look in the library and local FB groups and see what’s there.

Building friendships is like dating, you do need to make some effort, and also get DH to be in charge of childcare for a night a week, or a half day at the weekend, although hopefully he does that anyway.

There’s nothing wrong acquaintances and mum friends, they can add enjoyment to life, but they aren’t vital like having a few rich friendships is,