Would you feel lonely too

[Everydayislikesundays]

Does anyone else just feel lonely…quite a lot, even though you have people around you?
I’m a Sahm to one dc, family live far away, I see them every few months. I have some mum type friends who I meet every couple of months with the kids and have friends I’m in contact with from school and workplaces over the years, don’t really see them as I live far away.
Dh works normal 9-5, only during the week.
Dc very energetic and chatty, never get any peace 🤣
So, why do I have this feeling of loneliness?
I don’t think it’s being a Sahm as I felt it when I worked
Is this depression?

Ah fair enough I wouldn’t call people at the school gates friends unless you have a separate friendship outside of the school gates to me that’s acquaintances and I imagine a 10
mins chat wouldn’t stop someone feeling lonely

I see a friend three days a week minimum

I go for coffee or have them over or I go to theirs

In the evenings I occasionally socialise and I go to yoga one evening a week

I dont see friends every weekend I'm with the family but I do go out once a month usually with friends and it's so important to me

About once a month I go for lunch with a friend, it's also really important to me

I am a sahm so I don't have to work which is really good and I'm grateful for my husband providing to us

But I'm not here to parent no stop by myself

I would be desperately sad if I didn't socialise
Can you initiate some things with friends? Why don't you text one now and ask them for lunch next week?

I'd feel lonely in your shoes, but that's because you seem to have limited social interactions on a weekly basis and little to no friends either.

Can you ask one of the parents to coffee this week too?

@candycaneframe Wow

You've said it yourself in your posts

You don't see friends for months at a time, and in following posts mentioned they're in a group. I agree with pp most have several groups of friends

@candycaneframe I said that we meet up every couple of months at times or more frequently if we can all get it together, they’re the same and I’m in weekly contact with old friends from over the years-school, college, work etc…it’s just harder as we live away now or they moved away

It’s very lonely and I get it, I have the same situation too. Work during the week mainly alone, evenings rushing around cooking & transporting kids to their activities, weekends similar plus homework. The difference is I don’t have any friends for any meetups at all, monthly, annually or anything.

I get it OP - most of my close friends live an hour or two away so we chat regularly but only see each other every few months. I do have a couple of mum friends I saw fairly regularly but that's become less now we've all gone back to work. I'm not lonely, no, but I think that's because of work so get adult interaction every day through that.

What is your relationship like with DH? The time i felt like this was when my OH was quite obsessed with work and there didn't seem to be much of an emotional bond between us.

I get it too. I'm in a similar situation, whole years can go by between seeing old school friends and newer friends met at the school gate I have a more superficial friendship with so it does feel quite lonely. Coupled with this is a very unsociable dh and a very small wider family with no other people at same life stages and it's not how I imagined my life. I see others on social media going for weekends away as families and friends and I just don't have that. It makes me really sad but I don't know the solution.

You aren't doing something wrong at all! You are doing the best job you know how to! We can be constantly surrounded with people who love us, who are interested in us but we still feel hollow or that we are doing something wrong.

Please see if you can seek help of a counsellor/professional to work through how you are thinking and feeling.

OP in the linear possible way, you have something most of us don't - hours every day to do whatever you want with. This presents perfect opportunity to develop friendships or make new ones.

Do you ever go for coffee or a walk with one of the other mums after school drop off?

Or you could start a hobby in the day time.

What is making you so tired in the evenings?

Kindest possible way, that's meant to say

How close are you to yor DH? When I started reading your posts I assumed you were a single parent.

In my experience being a SAHM only works if there are other people around you that you can catch up with a few times a week. Just little things like a chat at the park or cup of tea at a cafe. Maybe soft play or stay and play.

What you describe sounds very isolating.

I get what you're saying. I used to HAVE to work full-time or depression set in. I'd call myself a manic depressive, personally. So I'm either very up and hyper or very down and depressed. I don't use medication. It's a lifelong thing and I accept it's who I am.

You need to know that you can always get out and do things though, and maybe you should? I'm a SAHM of sorts as in I'm not the breadwinner but I take on work as and when we need extra income, and I like to keep skills so at the minute I'm looking at teaching assistant work and part of it is to get out and be around people in the day.

I needed the full-time work pre-family because otherwise I would literally fester at home.

The great thing about modern society is there are endless opportunities to get out and meet people; work, volunteering, clubs, groups, and classes.

I'm fortunate enough to have some very close friends who I'm in constant contact with which keeps me sane. Do you have this?

Can you work while children are in school? Just a part-time thing nearby? Have a look.

And make time to do something nice for yourself too in a group. I did theatre, and it really saved my mental health.

To add, I think accepting yourself and the fact you're prone to depressive states is really important, and finding was to manage them that work for you.

Don't think of it as "I'm depressed" but think "I am prone to depressive states", don't make it "you", you know? It's something many of us go through, and I think modern life really helps us get this way but it can also help us get out of it.

Keep a journal of your feelings, on Word or in a book, whichever you prefer, and read it back and you will see your progress too. I do this, and I read back and also give myself advice to read or leave myself voice notes for when I'm feeling a certain way.

I would say I am happy, even though I have manic depression, because I recognise it and manage it. I love my life and I also know my life can be changed by me if I'm not happy. I'm so looking forward to getting my new job, and I'm open to anything.. I love the fact life can bring you anything you want, you just have to work towards it, which is also part of the fun, even if you never get there.