To think it's actually liberating to realise that nobody really thinks about you as much as you do.

[PangolinPie]

For a large amount of people at least. All the worrying we do about what others think about us. Most people really don't give a shit. Obviously immediate family, if you're lucky and not in a dysfunctional set up (and close friends perhaps). I'm not offering this as new and insightful knowledge btw, just something that occurs to me from time to time and I think that a lot of people forget.

I think it depends on how much you judge. I silently judge a lot so assume people do the same to me.

Tell dd this all the time

I wish my Mum had realised this. She spent her entire life worrying about what other people thought about her.

Yep completely agree.
Remembering this Certainly can help reduce the stress in the overthink amongst us.

But even if they do it can’t affect you if you don’t care about it / don’t realise they’re doing it.

Not really. How much headspace do you actually give the people you judge? I'll bet it's hardly any.

Why?

Silently judge? Do you think you are some sort of arbiter of taste? Class?

Why should anyone give a shit what you think?

I am an over-thinker/replay conversations/worry what people think of me, but try to channel Eleanor Roosevelt when it’s getting too much:

‘You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realised how seldom they do’.

Needed to be reminded of this today, thanks @PangolinPie

I used to be exactly like this. Decided to change my mindset. Now I wander around focusing on good things about people instead: "great shoes"; "good on her looking fabulous wearing that"; "what a great time that noisy, drunk bloke seems to very having". Has made a huge difference to my insecurities.

But I think about other people all the time. Friends / family. Not only about their situations but their actions / why they have done something or chosen a particular path. I think about what they wear and why, their shape / size. / weight and why they are thin / fat. I wonder about their personalities and why they are as they are. I love speaking to people and asking all about them / hearing about their pasts to gain more insights into why they are as they are.
Maybe it’s just me. To be honest I can believe it because no one seems as interested in me as I am in them.

My Dad's favourite saying was
"At 20 you worry about what people thing of you. At 40 you don't care what people think of you. At 60 you know they weren't thinking about you at all."

Depends what kind of person you are. I think some people would find the idea they're kind of irrelevant a bit disheartening.

Also considering what other people might say or think can actually be a useful check

Think this is very insightful!

It must be shit being like that, both wasting time on other people and feeling judged yourself.

Completely agree with this.

I also sometimes think how egotistical and self obsessed must you be to think anyone gives a toss about what you're doing (unless it's something awful obviously) or how you look etc.

Completely agree, it makes for a much more fun life to do and say what you like too!

I know its a bit of a cliche but I honestly think the older you get the less you give a shit about what others think about you. It's certainly true for me anyway.

Sums it up well!

Yes this is what I mean really. Positive and negatively though. So I might see someone and think 'ooh lovely shoes but those trousers are all wrong for her shape' or 'that guy who has just shouted at the woman in the car park is probably an aggressive arsehole at home, poor kids' maybe he's not, maybe he's just had a bad day but doesn't stop me judging that instance.

And it's silent because yes, I assume no one cares what I think! Doesn't stop me thinking it though.

Yup, people who are constantly worried what others think about them seem so self-obsessed to me. Get over yourself, nobody is thinking about you THAT much. And if they are thinking unkind things about you, are they really the kind of person whose opinion you should care about?

However, I think a lot of us were never taught to consider our own opinion of ourselves first, and instead were taught to judge ourselves from an outside perspective. It takes practice but life became so much better when I started asking "what do I think of my behaviour/appearance/lifestyle etc." and place dmore importance on that than trying to guess/live up to what others might think.

What people think about you isn't your business.

Heard this recently and it's so true

I live with someone who genuinely believes other random people are talking about them all the time. They even make up little imaginary conversations they believe other people are probably having about them around their dinner tables.

It doesn't matter how many times I say how unlikely this actually is, that most people literally don't care about other people's lives in much depth beyond an occasional passing comment.

it's so self absorbed and yes definitely a trait of people who are very judgy about others, they just can't believe that not everyone spends their life judging everyone else around them so truly believe that they are also being judged.

@Thingsdogetbetter

I used to be exactly like this. Decided to change my mindset. Now I wander around focusing on good things about people instead: "great shoes"; "good on her looking fabulous wearing that"; "what a great time that noisy, drunk bloke seems to very having". Has made a huge difference to my insecurities.
THIS
Exactly lol
The slow realisation that though people can't read your thoughts , they certainly can read those non verbal clues.
A 'look at them great shoes' to a 'that's rubbish' will look different on your face.
Years ago someone called me out on it - she'd read my face.

I'm curious
what do you judge? And does it take up a lot of headspace?

OP, I think it depends on a lot of things. Some people devote a lot of chat to talking about other people. Usually when they have nothing else to say. I have an aunt who spends a mad amount of time criticising the family who help her the most.

Unfortunately, sometimes it really does matter what people think of you. It might affect your work prospects etc.

I was literally about to say the same thing! Thanks OP.