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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Drinking while babysitting

71 replies

Tiredasamf · 25/09/2022 09:41

Would you be annoyed if the person who was babysitting your kids was drinking while doing it?

Context - I went out yesterday for a brunch, I was out from 1-8.30pm so not late. My mom and her partner babysat my 3 kids for me.

when I got home there was 2 empty bottles of wine on the table. (Homemade wine so stronger than normal)
They had also been to the pub with the kids (she had checked with me first about going there - it has a play area) but they would have had a drink there too so that’s a whole bottle each plus at least 1 or 2 other drinks.

AIBU to think you shouldn’t drink that much when looking after someone else’s children?!

OP posts:
catandcoffee · 25/09/2022 11:02

Totally wrong drinking whilst looking after very young children.

The fact they like a drink every evening too...🤔

pfs · 25/09/2022 11:07

If someone asked me to babysit their children as a favour, for no money, I wouldn’t think ‘oh well, fuck them, they haven’t paid me, I’ll get shit-faced’. I don’t think the money thing is relevant at all

same and I don't get why people keep saying this. I used to be a heavy weed smoker years ago, no longer though but I know that if I was watching kids I'd not be stoned even if the kids were asleep simply because if something were to happen my responses and thinking would be jeopardized.

Micecrospies · 25/09/2022 11:07

I’d not be happy but I suspect you are on a hiding to nothing by mentioning it

I would not ask them to babysit again however which I appreciate is likely to make your life harder. But it could come up in conversation next time they offer to look after them. If you say no sorry as I don’t feel comfortable that you drank so much whilst in sole care of such young kids then you seem fair rather than going in with a criticism which is likely to get their backs up.

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 25/09/2022 11:08

Maybe your mum didn't drink very much of it & her partner had the lions share. She may not have had alcohol at the pub either. You could try talking to her... radical I know.

HRTQueen · 25/09/2022 11:10

Yes I would be upset

also concerned it’s the middle of the day how many would they go through by the evening

Chdjdn · 25/09/2022 11:10

A couple of drinks over an evening I wouldn’t mind but that amount and so early in the day would annoy me and worry me

Crunchymum · 25/09/2022 11:12

2 bottles of homemade wine, plus a trip to the pub is absolutely problematic drinking and anyone who thinks it isn't is deluded (this isn't even including the fact it was daytime and they were in charge of someone else's children, one of whom is a baby!!)

converseandjeans · 25/09/2022 11:15

YANBU

I think if the children were older - say 8/10/12 and pretty independent then it wouldn't be as much of a problem.

I would just avoid asking them again.

Original poster
Tiredasamf · 25/09/2022 11:29

Thanks everyone. Glad I’m not alone in my opinion on this.

I’m not going to raise it as mom is very defensive and will play the victim at any given opportunity. I will not be asking them to babysit again and will not be allowing sleepovers with them anymore (not that it happened often anyway)

If she questions it, which I doubt she will because she never offers to have them, then I will voice my reasons.

Spoke to my sister and she said they did the same a few weeks back when looking after her young children too, so it’s not even a one off!

OP posts:
Runnerduck34 · 25/09/2022 11:33

A glass of wine yes , a whole bottle of wine no.
You need to be able to engage with the kids and respond to an emergency, particularly during the day when.they are awake!

pfs · 25/09/2022 11:38

If she questions it, which I doubt she will because she never offers to have them, then I will voice my reasons

I wouldn't to be honest, what's to gain?

Original poster
Tiredasamf · 25/09/2022 11:39

Nothing to gain and I won’t be confrontational but will just be honest about the reasons why she can’t have them anymore. I’m not a good liar so will fumble over an answer if I don’t tell the truth

OP posts:
BaileySharp · 25/09/2022 11:41

That's a lot to drink while watching kids. Didn't they have to drive home after?
I wouldn't mind maybe 1 or 2 drinks but more than a whole bottle of wine each is a lot!

Dallasdays · 25/09/2022 11:43

It definitely sounds like they have a drinking problem.

Were you completely sober though when you came back from your long brunch to take over from them?

pfs · 25/09/2022 11:47

Nothing to gain and I won’t be confrontational but will just be honest about the reasons why she can’t have them anymore

won't it just get her back up though? Is it worth the fallout?

I get it as my mum and dad are both prickly and difficult and I used to address their wrong doings but they don't want to hear and it's just stress to address it so I don't bother anymore. Not worth the hassle.

What do you hope to achieve by addressing it to her? How will it help the situation or you personally?

Original poster
Tiredasamf · 25/09/2022 11:50

@pfs i guess it wouldn’t help the situation or be of any benefit other than her knowing where she went wrong and why she now can’t have them.

what would you say to her in my position, if she did ask?

OP posts:
Blueberrywitch · 25/09/2022 11:52

That is a lot to drink! I’m a regular drinker but me and DP would be absolutely plastered if we had polished off two bottles of wine in an afternoon! I wouldn’t mind someone having a few glasses of wine but I can’t see how you would be able to respond to an emergency after 2 bottles.

BogRollBOGOF · 25/09/2022 11:52

Sharing a bottle of wine when children are settled in bed (especially if older) is one thing. Heavy, afternoon drinking around young children that need a high level of supervision is risky.

It's a large volume of alcohol particularly when there's no particular occasion attached, and it's concerning that they think it's normal and get defensive. It's a sign of at best an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and likely to be dependency. It's certainly not a physically healthy habit.

Original poster
Tiredasamf · 25/09/2022 11:54

@Dallasdays i’d had less to drink than them, and left early as I knew I’d be responsible for the kids once I got home.

they were supposed to have them overnight at their house so I could fully switch off for a night but changed their minds which is another story for another day 😂

OP posts:
pfs · 25/09/2022 11:57

I'm only saying it because I think you are building a rod for your own back in saying it to her and making life hard for yourself with her potential hostility and resentment stemming from it and you being at the receiving end of her wrath.

You say you'll do it in a non confrontational way but what you are doing is confronting it by saying it to her no matter how you phrase it.

Look I am totally on your side here but I've learnt to address stuff sometimes causes more hassle than it's worth and people just don't want to hear the truth and put it back on you. You are already addressing the situation calmly and appropriately by not asking her again.

If it was me I'd simply say that x. y or z offered first and I'd also not raise the subject. Don't even say to her you are going out and getting a sitter.

Rowen32 · 25/09/2022 13:35

I wouldn't want anyone drinking whilst minding my child, not even one or two, what if God forbid there was an accident t and they needed to be driven to hospital? Yes, chances are rare but still I couldn't do it..

ICanHideButICantRun · 25/09/2022 13:40

I think I'd have to send a message: "Mum, I've just seen two empty bottles of strong wine in the kitchen. Did you and P drink all that while you were babysitting?" And then leave it to her to answer the question.

SunshineLoving · 25/09/2022 13:43

When I read the title I thought you were going to say a couple of drinks. In which case, I would be absolutely fine with that.

The amount they drank is not right, especially when looking after such a young baby.

I would definitely not have them look after the children again in the evening. As you said, I wouldn't even consider this a boundary you would have needed to set.

Bobbybobbins · 25/09/2022 14:48

Yanbu

It would be more acceptable if they were older but they are still very young

theworldismyoyster2022 · 25/09/2022 14:51

No, wouldn't be too happy as what if something had happened and they had to drive somewhere? One bottle between them over dinner perhaps or a glass with dinner, but definitely not 2 bottles and potentially some more when they were in the pub.