To be miffed by mil's birthday video made by sil!

[TheUnyummyMummy]

For my mil's 70th birthday, her daughter put together a video of messages from family and friends. We made one with dh and both dc (just because one is a toddler and the other is a baby on the move) and we made one with me, dh and dc1. Both videos were cute and not too long.

So we saw the final product after mil had seen it which was lovely, except sil had left out the video with dc2 in it and had cut the length of the other video. I was surprised because other people's messages were longer than ours and some had also done more than one. Plus, sil had also included a video of her cats 'saying' happy birthday!

Surely mil would have wanted her second gc to be in her video too? And why cut our other message. Is it just sil being a bit thoughtless or aibu for overthinking this?

Just ask her why.

I agree MIL probably want both gc but unless you have a reason to think otherwise it's unlikely your SIL is deliberately snubbing your baby. Maybe there was a tech problem with the second video or the light was better in the first one or something, and then with the work of making the compilation it slipped her mind that a grandchild was left out.

Can you send your MIL your videos?

I’m guessing your sil has got in a tizz and not really realised - putting videos together and editing might seem easy enough but sometimes they really can be a pain in the back side and she may genuinely have not realised.
Ask her and send your mil the video messages you thought would be included so she has them x

Does she have form? If not I'd give her the benefit of doubt. It's a ball ache task and you really should only have sent her one video with you all in.

I'd be tempted to send the videos directly to mil and say it was left out but make sure she sees her birthday wishes from grandkids

So which is more likely?

She specifically didn't want one of your children in the video, or she made a mistake while editing the video?

Unless there's a massive backstory you haven't shared, it's probably the latter and I'm always surprised when mn assumes the very worst motives without at least first talking to the family member concerned. In my family, this would've been cleared up in about a minute because dp would just ask his sister why the second video didn't make the cut.

You know your SIL OP, do you think it was intentional?

We can't really answer without having any idea of what your relationship is like.

Do you not get on?

Why didn’t you just do one video?

You should have sent one video only. You forced her to choose and presumably she felt the other one was better.

@StClare101 this us what I thought initially but then other family members had more than one.

@KermitlovesKeyLimePie SIL is a nice person so I don't think it was necessarily intentional. But I don't understand why she didn't message one of us to say if there was a technical issue. I suppose a little bit of me thought, she doesn't have children but she included a video of her cats saying happy birthday to 'grandma'. I don't know, I'm probably just overthinking it.

If you had sent 1 video this wouldn't have happened.

I create a family calendar each year. I ask everyone to send me one photo. Some send none. Some send 4/5/6, I asked for 1!
Then I've to choose one photo from the batch they send me and they have been pissed off when I didn't magically choose their favourite! Sorry for the rant.

Because it probably started off as a fun thing and then turned into a job, with having to message not just you but various other participants to consult on the final vid, until she was up until three in the morning trying to get the damn thing done and regretting she'd ever thought of it.
She did a nice thing. You were included. She did her best. It wasn't perfect. There's no backstory - so don't start writing one now, it'll be the backstory to the next perceived slight and that's how the wars all start.

Given that your youngest is a baby it’s highly unlikely that they were saying anything to grandma. It’s your own fault for doing two videos. You sound unpleasant in your attitude towards your SIL you clearly think because you have children you are somehow better and more important, horrible attitude. Next time do it yourself and then you won’t have to bitch about how many seconds of video other people were allowed and how that takes away from you precious children who should in your opinion clearly be the stars of the show.

If she is nice I would assume that, as its quite a big task, she hasn't realised. Which us why no message apologising. She may have just ticked off in her head 'dbro and family are in so that's covered.

This sort of moans from people or expectation that people will contact you and let you know which bits are in and which bits are cut are why people often wish they hasn't bothered.

That is really not it at all. I guess it just made us look like we hadn't really bothered to say much which wasn't the case. Sil could have said that she couldn't include two videos and to pick one. Like I said, neices, nephews, siblings of mil had all done more than one than sil had included so it wasn't just us.
I just think that mil would have liked both gc in it. As pp have said, we could send her the other video maybe.

It hasn't made you look like anything. That's just your mind running away with you.

Just send mil the video direct. It is annoying you didn't have DC2 included, but honestly editing together a video is a pain and she most likely overlooked it.

@Eastangular2000 must be hard carrying that massive chip on your shoulders all the time

I think you're overthinking it, it doesn't matter in the long run does it? I'll bet MIL isn't overthinking it, just just forget about it is my advice.

You know what, op, I’d feel exactly the same as you. I would send the video of you and the 2 dgc to mil and just say ‘this one didn’t make the cut, but dgc2 wanted to say happy birthday, too!’

I did one of these for my mums birthday, it does take a long time and is hard to get everyone to send messages and then stitch it all together. I was very careful to include everyone’s messages, but mistakes do happen so if your sil is normally a nice person who wouldn’t do something like this on purpose take it for what it probably is, a mistake. I would definitely send the extra video to your mil though, perhaps say we decided to do one of these for you too and don’t mention that sil left them out as it will just end up in tension, that to be honest probably isn’t worth it. Your mil will love the video of the gc I’m sure!

😂😂😂yes you probably would you seem the type to start a punch up! and of course cats can't talk what a strange thing to say. In other news, dogs can't sing.

@Eastangular2000 you sound like the type of person who thinks their pet is more important than someone’s human child, much like OP’s sister in law.