What is wrong with me? OBSESSED with cleaning.

[mioz]

I am obsessed with having a clean house, to the point where it's affecting my life. I have to clean the whole house, top to bottom (dust, vacuum, mop, bathrooms, mirrors, etc etc) every single morning without fail or my anxiety is through the roof. This can take hours some days. I have 2 young kids and work full time so I know in my logical mind its not sustainable but I can't stop myself. Mess makes me feel chaotic, a single spec of dust can change my mood. Why am I like this?! I secretly fume at my husband and kids when they go upstairs after I've vacuumed the carpet, he thinks i'm mental (and I know I am) as I have to go up after them and re-hoover. What is wrong with me? I've been this way as long as I can remember but it's definitely worse since my kids were born.

I’m not sure how you manage all that and work full time as well. What time are you getting up? I’d like to know what would happen ( to you) if you didn’t clean?

I think you need to go and speak to your GP.

My youngest is 1 so I get up very early! I'm exhausted though. And I know I would be less exhausted if I just didn't clean, but my mind just won't let me not do it

You know this isn't sustainable, you're going to burn out and it sounds like you're doing a deep clean everyday when the reality is, if you've just cleaned yesterday, it shouldn't take hours today.

This is not about cleaning though, is it? Can you talk to a therapist?

Sounds like OCD.

You need help from your GP and a therapist.

Pick up the phone and make an appointment.

You need to talk to GP etc. I had a friend with bleeding peeling hands because of this type of OCD

my mind just won't let me not do it

That's the 'C' part of OCD. You need to see your GP.

It’s about control - at least it is for me. When the rest of my life is chaotic/unsure of future plans/financial stress, I clean to within an inch of my life in those times, because it’s the one thing I can control and is healthier (for me) than controlling calorie intake, which can rapidly spiral out of my control.
I know when I get this way, I must stop, reassess life and adapt plans to re take control of the original problem - which isn’t cleaning as that is a symptom.

How do you stop?! I feel like this is just the way I am now!

You need to speak to your GP.

You can change this, but it will take work and effort to do.

You need to go and get proper structured help.
Stopping won't necessarily be easy but it is a well recognized and researched area.
Go and talk to your GP for starters.

DH used to get obsessive about random things around the house, not cleaning sadly but things like making sure taps were off, drawers shut etc. It was because he was anxious about other stuff. Do you have some other things going on that it's perhaps easier not to think about?

@mioz Took a lot of therapy - both nhs and private. It’s not a quick fix.
But I know myself extremely well now and accept that I am who I am with the quirks which make me - me. I know my triggers and subconscious responses and how to deal with them. I have self awareness and self care skills. I have ocd and adhd but have learnt skills which help me utilise these as positive things in my life, not negatives. Everyone is different and it isn’t a one solution fits every individual.
As I’ve aged, I’ve also gained confidence in being able to advocate for myself. I can, without fear/shame say to people, “no, I can’t do xyz/it doesn’t work for me” etc and ask for what I do need. This goes for work, family and friends, because if I can’t advocate for myself, who can - as I know myself better than anyone.

Bottom line - take control of this and start to do so by seeing your GP and ask for help.

You need to speak to your doctor it sounds like you’ve developed ocd but we can’t diagnose so you need to seek professional help.

I didnt know it could have been OCD as I don't have the 'I need to clean or my friend will die' kind of thinking. Theres just an anxiety if I dont perform all these rituals!

Look up OCD-UK and OCD Action. Both have good advice. Best treatment for OCD (certainly sounds like you have it) is SSRIs (eg Sertraline) plus CBT with Exposure Response Therapy. I know all this because my older son has severe OCD.

It's a horrible thing, but you can get help. As others have said, see your GP.

Thank you for the info and sorry to hear your son suffers too - how do the meds affect him? How did his OCD present itself if you don't mind me asking?

Can I just ask, what happens if you or your kids goes out and gets muddy in the garden?

Weirdly this doesn't bother me much! I would be a bit annoyed if they trudged mud through the house, and would be more anxious/upset if I hadn't done all my cleaning rituals already that day, but if I'd cleaned and tidied (performed my weird routine basically) then my anxiety levels would be lower so yes, it wouldn't be much of a problem. I'm aware this doesn't make a great deal of sense! I guess my issue isnt actually the dirt/mess is it.

I love a clean home but accept it can't be the way I want.
We had a family friend who was like you, she was an amazing Mum but her home was a show home. Her kids could not play I their rooms, after she cleaned the bathrooms they had to go to the leisure centre for showers.
I was made every Friday to clean my room and this is most people's deep clean before I could go out. Then I had to straighten my mums hair.
When I got a bit older it was we had to deep clean every Saturday morning, 6am wake up, clean the house. I couldn't get out before 1pm my friends knew this.
How does this sound to you, because to me it sounds so sad. My friend's felt sorry for me and I do for 18 year old me. Yes it was that long.
I don't forgive my Mum for making me) along with other problems) live like that, it's unpleasant.
You can clean and tidy but let your family enjoy their home, if you don't let your family enjoy they will remember that part of you for the rest of their lives

Another condition is OCPD which has some commonalities with OCD. I'd also advise going to the GP and looking for treatment.

Thats the trouble, I can't accept that it can't be that way when I know it can.

That makes perfect sense to me as I’m the same…it feels like everything is piling up somehow and getting more out of control but if everything is in order you can give the floor a quick wipe and it’s done.

is there any way that you can clean your house every day so that it’s done and you’re in control but just set a timer and rush round? That’s what I do. If you’re doing it every day then you just need to grab some baby wipes and your bathroom can be done in two minutes to a good standard. It takes me 15 - 20 mins for my flat. I don’t think you need to go to the other extreme as there’s nothing wrong with having a clean home.

is there any way that you can clean your house every day so that it’s done and you’re in control but just set a timer and rush round?

Theres a difference between wanting a clean and tidy home and having to do everything everyday. By saying “can’t you still do everything but just go faster” is not really addressing the issue. Unless you’re living with a rugby team or coal miner no-one needs to clean their bathroom everyday. I think the OP needs to speak to a professional before she runs herself into the ground.

Hi OP,

I understand how you feel regarding anxiety if you haven’t cleaned. I don’t think I clean as much as you do but I am still told by other people it is too much.

Something that keeps it in check for me is cleaning ONE thing every morning before work (plus wiping down the kitchen and putting stuff away).
Eg.
Monday: sweep and mop
Tuesday: dusting
Wednesday: bathrooms
Thursday: hoovering
Friday: home offices

Then on Saturday OR Sunday mornings I have my “big clean” where I do pretty much everything. For me this serves the purpose of feeling in control of the house without it interfering with my work etc.

How would doing one thing a day and a bit clean at the weekend feel for you?