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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to spend £100 on a hotel for work Xmas party

71 replies

andreee · 22/09/2022 20:20

My work Xmas party has just been announced, it is back to pre covid tradition - go to a huge ‘party to a party’ in a major city just over an hour away, work pay for tickets and drinks but you need to cover your own travel and hotel. Usually apparently everybody stays in a hotel and the girls will all get ready together, and go for breakfast the morning after. There is carpooling as well. I have never been to this before as I only joined the company during covid.

I am going to have to answer the dreaded invite next week and just don’t think I can afford to go. I don’t want to splash out on the hotel and nobody can share a room with me as they’re all bringing partners. I’ve had a look and the cheapest room I can find is £100!

Could just not drink, and drive home on the night, but at the minute the petrol there and back would not be much cheaper than the hotel! Money is so tight (single homeowner, it’s rough right now).

My boss has done a generous thing but doesn’t realise they have effectively priced me out of going to this party. It looks incredible and I do want to go, feel a bit left out with colleagues as it is already. Bit sad isn’t it.

What would you do? If I tell people the truth I don’t want them feeling bad, but if I make some other excuse it might look like I don’t care!

OP posts:

ouch321 · 22/09/2022 20:23

Just say you can't cover the hotel cost and wish them a nice night.

At my previous place anyone who lived more than say 2 hours away boss paid for hotel.

RunnerDuck2020 · 22/09/2022 20:23

I’d decline and tell your boss the reason why. You don’t need to go making a big fuss about it but nothing will change if they don’t realise it’s a problem.

shivawn · 22/09/2022 20:26

If you don't want to go then I'd just say you have other plans already, a family event or whatever.

It sounds as if you would like to go though, have you tried Airbnb to see if there's anything cheaper?

butterfliedtwo · 22/09/2022 20:27

Just say you can't cover the hotel cost and wish them a nice night.

Agree with this. Spending £100 for a hotel to go to a work-do would not be happening. It's ridiculous, especially now.

JamesBondOO7 · 22/09/2022 20:30

Tell your boss thanks but money is tight and wish them a great party.
The last thing you ant i debt/short of cash for the essentials and your obligations

lannistunut · 22/09/2022 20:32

Just say you're saving your funds for Christmas and thanks but no thanks.

Enforced spending is very bad form.

Whendovescry03 · 22/09/2022 20:37

Just say you can't go as you can't afford the hotel and the fuel. That's a totally fine reason and I'd never think badly of anyone in our team for saying that.

My company pays for everyone's hotels if we go to a different city for the Christmas party, but if they didn't I expect a good chunk of the team wouldn't bother with it. You might not be the only one!

mamabear715 · 22/09/2022 20:39

I can't imagine many employees going for this - not this year!

Soontobe60 · 22/09/2022 20:40

Driving for an hour, at max speed of 70 mph, would be a total journey of 140 miles. Driving at 30 mph would = 60 miles. I’ve just put £50 petrol in my tank and it’s showing that I have almost 300 miles worth of driving. So at the slowest speed it might cost you £10, at max speed £20.

greenhousegal · 22/09/2022 20:48

I don't enjoy Xmas parties so I don't go. I won't spend well earned money to sit beside Nigel from accounts droning on, or to endure the forced jollity of such things. I don't care if I am a wet lettuce, I actually think more people would love to have the balls to say no, but won't for FOMO or worrying about what people will think.

I just say "Sounds lovely, hope you all have a great time but sorry, I can't make it." No more explanations needed and I will not be swayed. Everyone is different, but if you can't afford to or don't want to go, it gets easier to say the above after the first time.

Brefugee · 22/09/2022 20:50

You don't need to say money is tight - just say that's too expensive, have a nice night and i want to hear all the stories/see the photos.

BloodAndFire · 22/09/2022 20:51

Just decline the invitation. Not complicated.

Ifailed · 22/09/2022 21:00

It's a work Xmas party, tedious at best. Don't go - never explain, never apologise.

mrsbyers · 22/09/2022 21:07

I’d go and just take the car , it won’t cost anything like £100 I’m fuel or look at b&b options

Backmebring · 22/09/2022 21:09

You can just say ‘sorry I can’t make it’.

AnyFucker · 22/09/2022 21:12

Don’t then

CanaryShoulderedThorn · 22/09/2022 21:13

Sorry, that doesn't work for me but I hope you all have a great time. 🙂

bellac11 · 22/09/2022 21:14

You have to work out whether you want to go or not

If you want to go then the money is the difficulty and as you've said you can just drive there and back, probably at the cost of about 30 quid max, you need to know whether tyou can afford it nor not

On the other hand you might not want to go at all, in which case the money is an excuse so just say its not your cup of tea and decline the invite.

donttellmehesalive · 22/09/2022 21:15

You say that you want to go, so just drive. Fuel for a two hour round trip, particularly if you offer someone a lift there and share the petrol, might be do-able.

If you didn't want to go I wouldn't say that - I'd say just decline and say you have something else that night.

ConkerBonkers · 22/09/2022 21:17

It sounds like you want to go. If you can make it work you should go! It sounds like you would enjoy it. However, there is no shame in saying no to it if the logistics ie the numbers, just won't stack up.

balalake · 22/09/2022 21:20

Decline politely, and do it tomorrow morning, don't wait.

And ask if you can work from home for the following week in case such a gathering spreads colds, flu or Covid (it it still here).

Some companies are run by idiots.

Arenanewbie · 22/09/2022 21:22

I would tell honestly that at the moment you can’t afford it, someone might actually advice you something or at least it would got them thinking about extra costs.
By the way, yes, you could not drink, and drive home on the night but I wonder how it would look. Some people are really strange about others not drinking at a work do and can’t stop pestering them. Just something to consider.

noirchatsdeux · 22/09/2022 21:23

About 15 years ago I was in the same situation...I was told by just about everyone who'd attended the previous Christmas party what a wonderful night it was etc and I'd regret not going. I was on a wage that was barely above minimum wage at the time, but was convinced to spend money I couldn't afford on a hotel room.

It was the worst Christmas party I've ever attended. After the meal my team basically all went their separate ways ...I'd only been there a very short period of time so they were the only people in the company I really knew. I tried mixing with the others but they were all too busy getting drunk as quickly as possible with their friends! I've never felt more alone and friendless since...party started at 8pm, by 10pm I'd given up and gone back to the hotel. I could have easily just gone straight home.

Next morning my (married) boss comes in with a huge love bite on her neck ... she'd got it from a bloke she fancied on another team. The whole place knew she'd cheated on her husband and she had to spend two weeks wearing roll neck jumpers to hide the love bite...

I left that company before the next Christmas and since then if I don't want to attend any function, I don't attend...and I never give a reason.

Floweryflora · 22/09/2022 21:24

And ask if you can work from home for the following week in case such a gathering spreads colds, flu or Covid (it it still here).

id not do this to be honest, people go out all the time, it would appear odd and like you were weird and bitter.

Floweryflora · 22/09/2022 21:26

Also op have you looked at bed and breakfasts, air bnbs etc?

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