Downstairs Neighbour works Nights: AIBU to make noise

[Bornean]

My downstairs neighbour works nights. They get home from work around 7am and then wake up at around 4pm. So they’re essentially nocturnal.

We live in a victorian terrace house, attic flat, upstairs flat and downstairs flat. She lives downstairs, I live upstairs. Bedroom is on top of her bedroom.

Apparently the noise insulation is awful, she can hear every foot step. We have carpet and thick underlay. We very rarely hear the attic flat above us. I can hear their work calls in the background sometimes, but if you want complete silence don’t live in the middle of leeds.

We keep getting noise complaints from downstairs. We have been asked not to make noise before 4pm as she is sleeping until then. So no washing machine, no hoover, no brushing floors. Apparently she can even hear it when we open and close our wardrobe doors.

We both rent. I’m starting to wonder if she is part of the reason the previous tenants lasted 6 months before moving on.

I used to be a nurse and did nights, so know what it’s like. You’re tired, grumpy, and just want to sleep. But equally if you choose to live in a flat in an old house in the city centre, it’s going to be noisy. I don’t really feel That comfortable in my own home now, incase just walking over the floor will annoy her. I’m also going to be working from
home soon, from the bedroom, so going to expect that will
disturb her.

It's unreasonable for her to expect you to live your life to accommodate her life choices. She chose a job working nights, she chose to live in a ground floor flat, she chose to live in a Victorian conversion, which are notorious for having poor to no sound insulation.

She needs to take responsibility for her choices and deal with the consequences. She can change jobs, move home, buy earplugs. What she can't do is stop you using your home and electrical appliances until after 4pm, that is clearly completely unreasonable behaviour on her part.

my dh works nights we live ina terrace he knows people have to go about their day he wears earplugs you cant complain about everyday noise

She is being unreasonable and I say this as a doctor who works nights. I’ve lived in hospital accommodation with paper thin walls, with ambulances coming in all day, the hospital nursery directly outside and a helipad the other side and I’ve still managed to sleep. Ear plugs, eye mask and white noise make a massive difference.

Can't read the thread. I wouldn't vacuum while she's asleep in this situation, personally.

Just say no... it's not unreasonable noise and it's not outside of reasonable hours.

I work nights and share her frustration, but I wouldn't dare complain about someone doing normal everyday stuff going about thei and business.
It's down to me to do everything I can to make sure I can sleep.

She is being VVVV unreasonable!

I know how hard night shift can be and I would totally make reasonable accommodations where possible to reduce noise levels during the day but not to the extent that it meant I couldn't do notmal day to day tasks.

I work late shifts (2pm - 10pm Tuesday to Saturday) if I couldn't make any noise until 4pm every day then I would either never get any housework/laundry/DIY done or have to do it at 11pm when I get home from work or at 6am, at which point the other neighbours would - quite understandably - also be complaining I was disturbing their sleep.

They are being totally unreasonable & yes they are probably why the last tenants in your place moved out.
If your downstairs neighbour wants a quiet life they need to buy a house or to move to the top flat.
They can not dictate your routine just as you can’t dictate theirs but I’d snarkily suggest they maybe consider working more sociable hours until they have a house to themselves if they can’t manage with the little household noise that comes with living in a flat.
I used to work nights, I lived with two people who worked days & I managed. Earplugs were a godsend & I made no excuses for any regular noise that would happen when i was home.

Tell her to invest in some decent ear plugs! On Amazon the ones called Macks ear plugs are amazing! As a nurse I’ve often had to work nights, and couldn’t expect my daughter and the rest of the house to be silent so i used the macks ear plugs and slept like a log! I get that she may be tired but she cannot expect the world to be silent so she can sleep!

I had this living in the same type of house. The requests to tip toe around my own house got more and more unreasonable. Eventually said the property isn’t right for you if you need silence and described all the things I heard her do in her flat. She took that as “driving her out” but whatever. Eventually left and a nice old couple moved in who understood how Victorian houses / living people are.

You are not unreasonable. She needs to move if she can’t sleep when she needs too

I've had this. Myself and flatmate ignored them. The couple who complained eventually complained too many times to the wrong person at the letting agent - a guy who lived in our flat previously. He got a drummer to move into another flat in the house. They moved out within a month.

Either deal with her like @OriginalUsername2 or live your own life and ignore her.

A compromise would be not vacuuming in the bedroom directly above hers before 4pm, and being as quiet as possible in that particular room - but even that is you making a huge concession for her benefit.

She shouldn't expect you not to be able to use and live normally in the rest of your flat every work day.

The OP doesn't need to compromise.

If you work night shift so sleep during the day - I have done briefly and my partner has done it for years - then you need to expect and live with the fact people to make normal household noise during the day.

My husband works nights so he has earplugs. It's HIS issue to deal with that he sleeps during standard waking hours for the rest of society.

Earplugs, black out blind and takes the bed in the room furthest away from every day noise (back bedroom instead of at the front where the road is)

OP, your neighbour is beyond unreasonable and I would struggle to keep a straight face when she complains. I've worked nights before but am failing trying to feel sympathy for her. She's a numpty.

She's being unreasonable, there is not a single piece of legislation that will back her up. Have seen people complain about the kids outside during the summer due to nights and it's the same thing...entirely unreasonable. She needs to find a way to make things work for her, the majority of nurse jobs are no longer solely nights so if she's doing that it's probably because it benefits her in some way. If it no longer works for her then she needs to weigh that up.

I work constant nights for the childcare benefits and if I'm doing back to back nights I would expect my DH to remove the children from the house and shut up a bit. However he is married to me so it's less ridiculous.

Of course you should be considerate of your neighbours and try not to be excessively noisy, equally she should not make unreasonable requests for her sleep patterns to dictate your lives.
If she wants silence then she should not rent in a HMO (house of multiple occupancy) and should request the landlord to invest in sound deadening.

I think you should be considerate to her, within reason.

There are daily living noises that you can't avoid, like walking across the floor and opening the wardrobe or whatever.

But hoovering up/ doing other really noisy things after 4pm probably isn't going to massively inconvenience you, is it? And if it does, then you just have a discussion with her and reach a compromise.

The truth is no one is being unreasonable here - she needs to sleep, you need to live. Unfortunately your living situation means that it's tricky to do both without inconveniencing one another. So be adults and work out a solution that suits you both. Be empathetic to her needs whilst explaining your own.

I used to work 5pm to 4am and lived in a ground floor flat. I always wore earplugs. Tell her to get some.

Oh, so she expects you to rearrange your life around her life choices. No. You have a life to live and it starts the second you wake up each day, not after 4pm.

Have seen people complain about the kids outside during the summer due to nights and it's the same thing...entirely unreasonable.

Oh, yes, I've seen a fair few threads on here from people who decide to WFH - knowing full-well that they live in a residential neighbourhood and not an office complex - and then seem a bizarre mixture of amazed and outraged that the children who live in neighbouring houses make the normal noises that children everywhere make when playing in their garden and in the street in daylight hours.

Some people really cannot grasp that theirs are the unusual circumstances and that they can't expect the majority of people to put living their own lives very normally on hold just to accommodate their own life choices.

Really inappropriate advice here. OP is not in a partnership with this neighbour, has not commited to living communally with her and has no obligation to the neighbour beyond the normal expectations of civil behaviour that all of us have. OP does nor have to explain or negotiate because that would be acting as if the neighbour holds rights and privileges to dictate OPs life choices. It's inappropriate and damaging to buy into that unreasonable mindset by trying to negotiate.

OP needs to get on with her life and politely decline to engage with any such ridiculous demands. Negotiations and explanations give weight to the neighbour's unrealistic ideas.

I hear the people below me talk, sneeze, cough and wee. You get used to it I'd never complain of every day noise.

This sounds like a her problem

Ignore her, live your life. I mean, don't play the drums on a constant but she can't dictate when you do housework.