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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH should not have woke me up

42 replies

Greengrassleaves · 22/09/2022 05:21

And instead he should have dealt with DD himself. He woke me up at half 3 saying DD (6 years old) was lay in bed and crying and that he “couldn’t be bothered” to go and check she was ok but he expected me to. Obviously I did go to DD but just angry with DH for not being bothered about his own child

OP posts:
tuttifruit · 22/09/2022 05:24

YANBU

Shoxfordian · 22/09/2022 05:42

Yanbu

Is he usually so useless?

Merlott · 22/09/2022 05:48

So in the 6 years since DD was born has he ever cared for her at night when she cries? Or is that your job?

Original poster
Greengrassleaves · 22/09/2022 05:50

Merlott · 22/09/2022 05:48

So in the 6 years since DD was born has he ever cared for her at night when she cries? Or is that your job?

I can only remember once that he’s got up with her at night and even then after about 2 hours he woke me up as he wanted to go back to sleep. Tonight he didn’t even go to her, just woke me straight up

OP posts:
HappyHappyHermit · 22/09/2022 05:50

Wake him up again and say he needs to do all the morning jobs as you are too tired after being up with dd. Sad that he didn't want to comfort her really.

Rumplestrumpet · 22/09/2022 05:52

I'm guessing the problem is bigger than just one night and one wake up - he's not being a parent to his daughter. Have you talked about this when you're both calm (i.e. not 3 in the morning)? Surely he can't justify waking you up if he's already awake?

GingerPigz · 22/09/2022 05:54

Are you a SAHM? I'm not saying this is necessarily the correct way of doing things but when I was a SAHM I felt that any nighttime childcare duties were my responsibility M-Th (and his at the weekend) because he had to be up early for a long commute.

Original poster
Greengrassleaves · 22/09/2022 05:58

GingerPigz · 22/09/2022 05:54

Are you a SAHM? I'm not saying this is necessarily the correct way of doing things but when I was a SAHM I felt that any nighttime childcare duties were my responsibility M-Th (and his at the weekend) because he had to be up early for a long commute.

Nope I work too full time and I’m part of an out of hours on-call rota

OP posts:
Original poster
Greengrassleaves · 22/09/2022 05:58

Rumplestrumpet · 22/09/2022 05:52

I'm guessing the problem is bigger than just one night and one wake up - he's not being a parent to his daughter. Have you talked about this when you're both calm (i.e. not 3 in the morning)? Surely he can't justify waking you up if he's already awake?

Not yet but I am going to speak to him about it this morning when he gets up

OP posts:
ChrisTrepidation · 22/09/2022 06:11

YANBU.

He's a shit dad and a shit partner. He thinks his needs trump yours.

Pippylongstock · 22/09/2022 06:32

Sorry that is a utter dick move on his part!!! I would be furious. But how have you got 6 years in and not murdered him?

Nidan2Sandan · 22/09/2022 06:36

Of course YANBU, is he always so selfish & cruel enough to not feel bothered about his DD.

WatchingTheCloudsRollAway · 22/09/2022 06:38

I can't believe 1% voted YABU.

You are 100% NBU and he sounds like a nob.

KangarooKenny · 22/09/2022 06:39

How selfish.

youagainomg · 22/09/2022 06:42

I'd be calling him a selfish useless dad. Time to tell him some home truths.

N27 · 22/09/2022 06:53

This is absolutely appalling!! I would be absolutely furious if my partner had an attitude like that!!

Rumplestrumpet · 22/09/2022 07:15

Good luck speaking to him OP. It's absolutely not on. If you both work full time then you both equally share all childcare and housework responsibilities. It's that simple

Louisa259 · 22/09/2022 07:20

We take it in turns. Depends who’s tired/ Who’s been up already etc. we share it equally. YANBU

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 22/09/2022 07:21

I can't believe 1% voted YABU.

Looks as if OP's dh is awake already.

Original poster
Greengrassleaves · 22/09/2022 07:54

DH is up, the first thing he said to me was “did you sort DD out alright yeah”. Erm yeah no thanks to you I wanted to say! I’ve tried to talk to him about it but he’s said it’ll have to be after work as he has no time apparently

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 22/09/2022 08:05

Why does he feel entitled not to care for his daughter?

TheBeesKnee · 22/09/2022 08:08

I probably would have smothered him for that - what a git!

GingerPigz · 22/09/2022 08:11

Rumplestrumpet · 22/09/2022 07:15

Good luck speaking to him OP. It's absolutely not on. If you both work full time then you both equally share all childcare and housework responsibilities. It's that simple

This ⬆️...!

PuttingDownRoots · 22/09/2022 08:13

The only justification for that is a child calling for a certain parent... one of my DDs had night terrors and would get worse if her father went, but my voice would calm her. Any other scenario, the parent already awake can deal (shifts aside for extremely bad night).

Good luck talking to him later.

luxxlisbon · 22/09/2022 08:13

So your DH has basically tapped out of parenting his child in the evening for the last 6 years except for 1 night but now you’re shocked by it?