My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

Step daughter always has headlice.

18 replies

Honeybee129 · 21/09/2022 22:12

Hello, I just wanted some opinions. my step daughter comes over every weekend with head lice. I go through her hair every week and get rid of them. She goes home and following weekend they’re back now I know children get them not a problem, but here’s where my am I being unreasonable comes in
Her mother is getting angry and abusive over the fact I have to keep going through her hair. I am not just attacking her with the comb as soon as she walks in I don’t say anything, my step daughter comes to me upset saying she’s pulled another nit out of her hair and asks me to check her, more than happy too. her mum is threatening to stop her coming over as I’m being abusive and keep telling her child that she has headlice she clearly does her mum knows a particular one of her friends children have them and they don’t do anything about the problem but continues to take step daughter to play with them, mum does nothing to get rid of them either it all always falls on me I told my partner he needs to do something about the issue, he told her he felt she was neglecting his child because she doesn’t check her hair at all. She’s gone mad calling me up threatening to stop contact, telling me I’m abusing her child, threatening to hurt me, my partner told her he would call the police if she carried on. Am I wrong for checking her hair? I don’t believe I’ve done anything wrong would you react the same way?

OP posts:
Threelittlelambs · 21/09/2022 22:15

Her mother is neglecting the child and if she’s coming to you I se no issue in getting rid and making her more comfortable. I would treat her hair with tea tree oil - a few drops on clean hair - keeps them off!
failing that Dad should contact social services or the school to intervene!

Cantseethewindows · 21/09/2022 22:17

Of course you're not doing anything wrong! Far from it, you're the only looking after her properly! Her mum probably went ballistic because she knows she's dropping the ball. Could it be a money thing? The treatments are quite costly. Combing needs to be done on set days to be fully effective. FWIW, my son had headlice and we found Hedrin to work very well (did a double dose two nights in a row and then another one a week after the first, so one more than the leaflet said).

Boating123 · 21/09/2022 22:18

That's really sad, but I suppose there are three options:

You stop getting rid of the headlice and she carries on visiting.
You carry on getting rid of them and the mum stops her visiting you.
The Dad gets rid of them when she visits.

The Mum can't complain her Dad does the job.

LegoFiends · 21/09/2022 22:19

If the lice are only treated at the weekend their life cycle isn’t being stopped. Her father needs to step in.
Would she be old enough to treat herself if you gave her the stuff and showed her how?

User287264 · 21/09/2022 22:20

You shouldn't need to but I'd maybe get her dad to do her hair for a while. Nits itch like mad, no wonder poor dsd asks you to check for her

Givenuptotally · 21/09/2022 22:20

You’re looking at a minimum of 7 days to stop lice, and that’s with a determination to manage them

failing that Dad should contact social services or the school to intervene!

how about dad clears his daughter’s hair in the first place? Purchase the necessary lotions and not combs and teaches his child to go through her hair herself if mum won’t help?

you really don’t think social services have enough to do?

Honeybee129 · 21/09/2022 22:22

She’s only 8! I do treat her hair with Hedrin comb her hair and use tea tree shampoo but soon as we send her home she comes back with them. It’s like a no ending circle. Because like you all say it’s only done when I do it I’m not getting rid to the full problem as much as I would like too. Partner keeps telling mum to check her she hair she says she doesn’t need to and goes mad. We’ve called social services they go around talk to mum and say no case it’s just impossible partner is thinking of not sending her home but worried on her calling police and upsetting children

OP posts:
scrufffy · 21/09/2022 22:23

This reply has been deleted

Deleted by MNHQ

Honeybee129 · 21/09/2022 22:24

@scrufffy no this is the only post I’ve made about my step daughter

OP posts:
Beamur · 21/09/2022 22:26

How old is she?
Combing once a week will never get rid of them. You need to comb no more than 4 days apart several times to keep them away.
If her Mum is kicking off, I would step back and your DH needs to step in.
Vosene shampoo is supposedly good at deterring them, as is tea tree shampoo. Encourage her to tie her hair back around friends as that might help too.

Threelittlelambs · 21/09/2022 22:29

I used oh so soft by Avon and it works wonders! Much quicker than those expensive treatments - you don’t have to mention nits - just wash and comb her hair with special conditioner - whilst watching a movie! But dad rally should be putting his foot down or doing it for her.

Honeybee129 · 21/09/2022 22:32

@Threelittlelambs i don’t mention them to her, she starts itching and pulls one out herself and shows me and asks me to do her hair for her and I do. Dad does offer but she goes silly and says no and points at me to do it. Im happy too, she don’t want abuse from mum when im doing what she needs to be. Thank you for the recommendation I’ll look into getting some

OP posts:
bellabasset · 21/09/2022 22:46

Poor little girl, I'm surprised the teachers haven't said anything as other pupils must be catching them. it's neglecting her care.

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 21/09/2022 22:51

There are lice repellent sprays you can get, like leave in conditioner that your SD would be able to spray into her own hair. I'd get her a bottle of that and encourage her to spray her hair every morning before school and help her to learn how to tie her own hair back to reduce the chances of catching it.

Clearly her mother isn't willing to take any preventative measures so that seems realistically to be the most you can do between weekend visits.

ArnoldBee · 21/09/2022 23:00

I had this for 2 and a half years every weekend. I ended up with the blighters twice and got rid of them within a week. It was so disheartening starting from scratch every time.
Constant headlice is on the safeguarding signs of neglect list.

ArnoldBee · 21/09/2022 23:00

Oh and straighteners are very satisfying!

Honeybee129 · 21/09/2022 23:06

@ArnoldBee it really is disheartening isn’t it. You think ah they’re gone and then a week layer it’s like bam. I feel crap I feel as tho I’m failing her she cries to me saying she doesn’t want to itch anymore it breaks my heart. I’ve done everything I can possibly think of.

OP posts:
ArnoldBee · 21/09/2022 23:13

In the end Dad threatened to chop her hair off and they disappeared in a week! We used to go through phases of lyclear, vinegar, mayo, straighteners and just conditioner to mix it up a bit.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.