to be annoyed that brother is judging DD

[kirstywursty012]

Hi everyone - it would be great to get some other perspectives so I can stop feeling like I'm going mad!

My brother and his wife are over with their 11 month old baby for 3 weeks (they live in the US) - its been so nice to see my niece and brother. We were very close growing up and since he became a Dad, its been harder to stay in touch.

However, he keeps making backhanded comments and doing side eye to his wife whenever my 3 year old is playing up. It's driving me insane! She's had her odd moment if her cousin is trying to play with one of her toys and because she hasn't had all our attention, she does act up for it. She hasn't really been that bad though - she's said more adorable, funny things over the past couple of weeks than bad and has been really sweet and kind wanting to cuddle her cousin.

The good times seem to go unnoticed though and my brother said something along the lines of "she kicks off a lot, you need to put her on the naughty step" to me in passing. It's starting to stress me out and I can definitely see myself taking it out on her and losing my rag a lot faster.

It also doesn't help that they just have NO interest in leaving the house. We've been cooped up all day together (I would usually take DD out twice to wear her out) - they say its pointless as their daughter is too young to enjoy any kids stuff. I also think DB's DW is a bit of an agoraphobe as she doesn't seem to go out much at home either.

And finally - their daughter is a really quiet chilled baby but she doesn't eat any solids. They have her on the floor during dinner time and I always say "shall I pop some of the food in a bowl for her so she can try it" and they just say "oh she's not really into solid food". I then think to myself "and you judge MY parenting??"

Is this just petty brother sister squabbling or AIBU in thinking he's actually being a bit of a d*ck?

[shivawn]

I think they seem a bit stuck in the "baby stage" TBH! Few solids ,not going out and so on .

@dottiedodah This sounds spot on. Very odd though!

delaying moving on from purées can become a harder transition for the baby now as they are too accustomed to the taste and texture of purée, but that isn’t your problem.

@Crunchingleaf Totally, I have a friend with a baby a similar age who is really struggling to get her baby to progress from purees. It's very difficult when you're in that situation.
But in the case of the OP's niece, they aren't even giving her purees or any other solids (other than that one bowl of porridge in 10 days). I don't understand how they can not even offer her food, she should be on 3 meals a day. I mean they're just staying in the house all day every day, plenty time to feed their child....

[Tomorrowisalatterday]

I have a lot of American family and am on a couple of online parenting groups with a lot of Americans and one thing I have noticed is that they do just stay in with kids a lot. I see on the parenting community a lot of posters asking "why is my 3 year old badly behaved?" And it turns out that they are WFH and trying to keep their child occupied all day inside which I think would be considered crazy in the UK

[Borgonzola]

My PFB is only 8 weeks old and even I know that they're being very silly and also inviting all sorts of future trouble

[RunLolaRun101]

I think you need to take your brother aside and remind him: 1) he has no right to judge considering his toddler is still not on solid food; 2) you are doing him a favour by letting him stay in your house. If he wants he can move himself out to a hotel on his dime.

[RunLolaRun101]

@Tomorrowisalatterday

I have a lot of American family and am on a couple of online parenting groups with a lot of Americans and one thing I have noticed is that they do just stay in with kids a lot. I see on the parenting community a lot of posters asking "why is my 3 year old badly behaved?" And it turns out that they are WFH and trying to keep their child occupied all day inside which I think would be considered crazy in the UK

Yes this is very true. American (and Indian) parents don’t really take their babies and toddlers out. Or expose them to different foods / textures.

[Tomorrowisalatterday]

@RunLolaRun101

Yes this is very true. American (and Indian) parents don’t really take their babies and toddlers out. Or expose them to different foods / textures.

My grandmother was of Indian heritage living in the US, I got unbelievable amounts of criticism from her for taking my babies out of the house 🤣

She was also extremely anti baby led weaning

[CantGetDecentNickname]

@RunLolaRun101

I think you need to take your brother aside and remind him: 1) he has no right to judge considering his toddler is still not on solid food; 2) you are doing him a favour by letting him stay in your house. If he wants he can move himself out to a hotel on his dime.

Agree with the above. As your your own comment "I then think to myself "and you judge MY parenting??"", why don't you just say that to him. Sounds as though they haven't gone with solids as it is messy and they'll have to clear it up afterwards.

Another vote for taking your own child out as you normally would. They need activity and fresh air and it helps them sleep better. It would also give you a break from being with your DB. Hope you manage to ride out the rest of the visit. I'd just laugh at some of the comments like "she kicks off a lot" and just say "wait till yours hits toddler age" with a good laugh. He has no idea.

[Charles11]

Take your child out. Their child would benefit from being out too but that's up to them.
I don't know if it's a cultural thing or not but I remember my US friends acting the same. They'd look at me if my dc were more than 2 metres away from me and say 'are you ok with your dc being so far away?' And they just stayed in a lot.
Have confidence in your own parenting and accept that they'll have different opinions.

[Pallisers]

@RunLolaRun101

Yes this is very true. American (and Indian) parents don’t really take their babies and toddlers out. Or expose them to different foods / textures.

This really isn't true. I reared three in the US and everyone I knew took their babies and toddlers out to the park, for walks, to playgroups, to swim classes etc. If I look out my door I'll see my neighbours out with their babies and toddlers. And no idea where you are getting the thing about foods and textures.

[RedWingBoots]

@Pallisers

This really isn't true. I reared three in the US and everyone I knew took their babies and toddlers out to the park, for walks, to playgroups, to swim classes etc. If I look out my door I'll see my neighbours out with their babies and toddlers. And no idea where you are getting the thing about foods and textures.

The US is massive so it will vary from area to area, and by culture.

The people I know with children in the US do what you do. Then again they have at least one parent who was brought up the in the UK.

[Crunchingleaf]

I find my 10 month old way easier to manage when I have taken him somewhere that day. It could be anything. Watching ducks in the pond is fun for him.
3 ye olds that are used to being out and about will miss the stimulation from it if they find themselves staying in.