to feel jealous that there are people who don’t have any mental health issues

[amandak83]

Ive suffered with depression and anxiety for many years and i literally couldn’t imagine a life where i didn’t struggle with it daily. I sometimes find it hard to comprehend that there are people in the the world who are truly happy and have never struggled with their mental health for a long period of time like i have. Alot do people wouldn’t understand unless they have had mental health battles so i won’t be shocked if people think i sound odd saying this but it’s hard seeing “normal” people carrying on with their lives so easily and i have to literally fight my thoughts everyday, i wish it was that easy for me. sorry for sounding depressing i just feeling a little sorry for myself today

I used to suffer from horrendous anxiety. Sometimes it felt like a rock solid ball of cement in the pit of my stomach and I would feel like I was having electric shocks in my scalp. At one point I felt I was dying...I can't even put into words what I mean but it was like my very essence was crumbling away inside. I haven't suffered from any mental ill health in years, and I very much feel extremely grateful. I remember feeling that waking up was the biggest disappointment of my day. Its just an incredibly difficult way to live your life. In my case, I had a sense of fear of my own unworthiness. Its hard to describe but the anxiety came from worrying that maybe I really was as loathsome as I suspected. Awful.

A lot of people saying they've been "fighting" their thoughts for years.

Fighting means conflict!!

What happens if you don't fight the thoughts but just observe them without believing in them?

This is very true, @EmeraldShamrock1 , you shouldn’t assume that others aren’t secretly struggling. Hardly anyone, even old friends from school and university, knows that my Dad has lifelong MH problems that hugely affected my childhood and continue today. He’ll never really be well, but I don’t go around telling people that he’s suicidal today, for example.

I’m diagnosed with GAD ( thankfully well controlled now). It’s not surprising, because having sick parents ( my Mum had a chronic physical illness) is anxious-inducing!

If I think about it, I do somewhat envy people who had stable and healthy parents, but it can’t be changed, all I can do is give my children a less stressful upbringing.

And I completely acknowledge that it’s shit for my Dad as well. I do occasionally wonder why he became a parent though ( it was planned ), he’s never really been well enough.

Very much this.

I’d say there’s far more people with MH issues than so called “normal” people. Some people hide it well, but it’s there if you look. I think of it as highs & lows.

I've suffered from various degrees of anxiety for over 35 years now. Was agoraphobic for at least 2 of those years. On daily medication and have a stash of diazepam, had CBT and therapy.

It's tiresome. However, I class myself as lucky because other people are far worse off in the world than me.

This is massively reductive. Trauma in childhood actually changes your brain. The chemistry and pathways in your brain do not work the same way as a person who has not experienced trauma. Mindset can always make a positive difference, You can't just think yourself better any more than you can for a broken leg.

*but you can't just think yourself better...

But why do you assume that because you have mental health issues everyone else's life is easier or better than yours? How would you know if they had the same problems unless they told you? Or worse ones? How do you know that the woman who held the door open for you at the shop isn't contemplating suicide or has a seriously ill child or ANYTHING else?
You really do need to try and work on the jealousy because it won't be helping your recovery and frankly is misplaced.

Yes and I agreed with you. So no idea why you felt the need to quote me and make those comments towards me telling me I was in the wrong?

Sorry op and I get it.... But... I have a home I own and I bought myself. Very financial stable but I have been suicidal for years. Lots of therapy and a support network but dosnt make it easier.

Things don't mean happy ness all the time. I manage a load of staff in my role and it does make you see how many ppl have issues you'd

Posted too soon.. You'd realise that everyine has struggles.

I voted yabu. I'm probably one of those people you look at and think I'm ok. But I struggle every single day and have done for over 30 years.

You literally never know what someone else is going through.

You have my sympathy though

I can sort of understand what you mean BUT I have never had any mental health issues, I am happy but I have chronic health myself just not mental health related, I used to think oh I wish I could do this and that but of course we are only in our bodies so we haven’t a clue how others struggle especially those you think are healthy look a picture of health apparently I do, but I’m far from healthy, so really it’s a waste of time wishing that you were different, it’s better to accept yourself for what you are and try to cope with the illness not easy at all of course

I just don’t think people help themselves anymore.
If you have extreme screen time, not getting out in the fresh air and claiming you are depressed then you’re not doing yourself any favours.

Thanks!

Thank you for this, @xxcatcatcatxx

I read Why Love Matters when I was pregnant and found it excellent.

I’ve also started Gabor Nate’s Scattered Minds (mind too scattered to finish it, I think I’ve lost it) but that was excellent. Apparently he’s very popular with people in prison, someone told me.

Sorry if I disrupted the thread, but these sound like good books - thanks again!

@CosyRosiePosy , I grieve for my childhood and for my middle age,of which I've lost so much, struggled financially and mentally. All I really want to do is have z holiday with my 21 year old daughter before I die. The last one we had was when she was 3.

I understand what the OP is saying. I’m envious of any new mother who wasn’t suicidal in the postnatal period like me. I envy mothers who didn’t lose the first 1.5 years of their baby’s life to severe depression and anxiety, and could go on to have more children.
But life is odd, isn’t it.

I get it, but you don’t actually know. On the surface I’m a happy go lucky person, except I’m really not, I have GAD, you wouldn’t know that to look at me.

I was talking about this today. We look at people around us and think ‘everyone has got their shit together and loving life’ when in reality I’d wager the vast majority of people are struggling or have struggled at some point.

People are just good at masking. We only notice when people are struggling when it’s apparent and they are not in a good place at all but a lot of people have low level depression and anxiety but keep pushing through.

I understand op. I really make the effort to look at the good things in my life instead of being jealous at other people, but I am only a human being so of course I will occasionally feel jealous.

And before someone starts going on about how other suffer too, they experienced bereavements and trauma etc. you are missing the point that we experienced that too on top of our MH issues. So obviously we would still rather trade with other people because they have less suffering.

Zombie thread

Zombie thread - interesting though