to feel jealous that there are people who don’t have any mental health issues

[amandak83]

Ive suffered with depression and anxiety for many years and i literally couldn’t imagine a life where i didn’t struggle with it daily. I sometimes find it hard to comprehend that there are people in the the world who are truly happy and have never struggled with their mental health for a long period of time like i have. Alot do people wouldn’t understand unless they have had mental health battles so i won’t be shocked if people think i sound odd saying this but it’s hard seeing “normal” people carrying on with their lives so easily and i have to literally fight my thoughts everyday, i wish it was that easy for me. sorry for sounding depressing i just feeling a little sorry for myself today

Too many people on this thread (and irl-this is the problem) thinking their version of mild depression or low mood is the same level that everyone gets, its not. If you can say I had to get out of bed to pay the bills and go to work or you just need to force yourself to get out of bed and shower and then you will feel better the truth is you never had it that bad.
That is not true. How dare you assume that.

That's not major depression. Major depression is not being able to move all day, it's not being able to lift your arm above your shoulders for months. It's not paying your rent and bills for months and getting in to debt, it's trying to commit suicide, it's losing custody of your children.
I have been hospitalised for major depression and anorexia I could always get out of bed even weighing 5 stone.
I am hyperactive.

@xxcatcatcatxx can I jump in to ask what books you’d recommend on attachment trauma?

I’ve been thinking about my own upbringing and seeing some chains I need to break.

I'm jealous people aren't physically disabled. Sometimes I wish I had mental illness rather than physical. But what can you do?

I don't suffer from depression or mental health issues but my dh does and it has seriously impacted our lives and the lives of our dc. I do get envious of my friends whose dhs seem more straight forward so l appreciate what you are saying. A lot of people who know me but don't know my full story think l am a very happy person but they have no idea of the massive struggles l have been through due to dhs illness. If l had one wish in life it would be that he didn't suffer so much with his mental health and selfishly l mean that for me and not necessarily for him.

I have C-PTSD from childhood trauma that has made my life a living hell at some points. And I have definitely had periods of massive jealousy for people with good mental health, with supportive and engaged parents, with 15 people round the dinner table on Christmas Day. But then I look at my life, and how far I've come and think about the things I have to be grateful for - my husband and my kids, my friends, my house, my cats. I wouldn't swap them for the world.

@Libelula21 I would really recommend 'The Body Keeps the Score' by Bessel Van Der Kolk. It has been genuinely life changing for me.

I've been hospitalised with mania where I've not slept or sat still for god knows how long and depression. Anorexia is a different illness, being able to get out of bed weighing 5 stone doesn't mean someone like myself who couldn't get out bed would be able to, I was also severely underweight and never ate. That was not the issue at all. Sorry if the truth hurts.

Sorry if the truth hurts.
It doesn't because it is your truth not my experience.
I am not going to play top trumps with illnesses but you cannot use your experience as the correct and only real experience

It's you who is using your version of illness to say people should just have a shower instead of staying in bed when they are depressed just because you could and it helped, great. But lots of people suffer far greater with it to be trivialised like that, as if people who are suicidal in a major depressive episode just aren't putting in enough effort. It just shows ignorance, that's all I'm saying.

If you can say I had to get out of bed to pay the bills and go to work or you just need to force yourself to get out of bed and shower and then you will feel better the truth is you never had it that bad. That's not major depression. Major depression is not being able to move all day, it's not being able to lift your arm above your shoulders for months. It's not paying your rent and bills for months and getting in to debt, it's trying to commit suicide, it's losing custody of your children

Major depression manifests differently in different people. I don't think it's helpful to say 'major depression is...', when not everyone with major depression loses their children or tries to commit suicide. Not everyone fails to pay their bills. These are things that can happen as a result of depression, sure, but it's not what the illness actually is.

I'm not trying to define it to that, those are examples. My point is when people say i was so depressed I struggled to get out of bed for a few days but had to to go to work. That's not major depression is it.

And I'm not saying those struggles aren't valid, they are. It's when the under pinning message is, if I managed so could you. The reality is you managed because you didn't have it so severe. But people aren't ready to hear that.

I realise you weren't 'trying to define it', but I still think that the way you worded it was unhelpful.

I don't think anyone has said that struggling to get out of bed for a few days is major depression, have they? So I'm not sure who you are making that point to.

I don't think that's the message at all.

I think people are saying 'these things helped me. Maybe they are worth trying'. Sure, they might not be particularly helpful for the op, or anyone else struggling, but I don't think people are saying them because they think op should cope because they did.

To be fair - sone people do think "well I coped so they should"

Not all, and many manage and feel how close to the edge they themselves come

@Libelula21

Hopefully won’t distract from the main thread💕

Facing Love Addiction - Pia Melody

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents - Lindsay C. Gibson

Complex PTSD - Pete Walker

Why Love Matters - Sue Gerhardt (NB This is a parenting book but I’m trying to use this to re parent myself at the same time as my child if that makes any sense)

Just started making in roads to Gabor Mate and his books/thoughts/ work he has quite a lot on parenting which I feel is quite good in understanding how and why children may feel unattached which is very helpful and interesting. He’s just bought out a new book too so has lots of recent podcasts on YouTube for promo etc discussing the ideas. Sending lots of love and support to OP and everyone on here xxx

@Sunnyqueen No I think you're deciding that your experience is the only experience whereas I'd say your experience was a very very extreme case in comparison to people who suffer with their mental health.

It is a huge spectrum and positive actions towards it do help many suffering.

One size doesn't fit all nor does it have to be debilitating to the outside world as your experience was.

Unless you have atypical depression. Like Molly Russell did. Only 14 when she took her life. But she went to school, got good grades, the week before she’d auditioned for and got a part in a play. Her parents didn’t even know she was depressed. But she was majorly depressed.

So let’s not judge our type of depression against others’ types of depression. You simply cannot tell from outward actions or appearances just how depressed someone is.

But it might be. I’ve already mentioned Molly Russell, but I also had a work colleague who one day we split a pizza for lunch. Four hours later he’d shot himself in the heart and was dead. Complete shock. He’d never acted depressed. He was at work early and chipper per usual…no change in his demeanour or habits or hygiene or dress. We joked and talked normally when we had lunch together.

This was planned. He had thoughtfully left his will and all the papers his wife would need to settle his affairs on the kitchen table at home with a goodbye and I’m sorry note. He’d called a friend and said “meet me at the lake” (where they would often fish) so his friend would find his body, not his wife or kids.

Why do you think that even if you have no mental health problems your life is perfect?
Many traumas ppl are dealing with day in and out.
Death, divorce, illness, relationships, etc to name a few.

I agree some people do think “I coped, so they should”. But not everyone’s depressed or coping look the same,p. I think what touched a nerve in @Sunnyqueen post is that she attempted to define what majorly depressed looks like, and there’s no real way to do that. If there were, suicide wouldn’t kill so many people. We’d be able to prevent it better.

I think what touched a nerve in @Sunnyqueen post is that she attempted to define what majorly depressed looks like, and there’s no real way to do that. If there were, suicide wouldn’t kill so many people. We’d be able to prevent it better.

This thread isn't written by Sunnyqueen.

OP didn’t mention major depression or suicide.

OP didn't elaborate on the seriousness of her depression bar living with depression and anxiety daily.

No-one suggested anyone with severe debilitating MH just get on with life.

Suggestions were made to the OP.

@EmeraldShamrock1
WTAF are you on about?

This thread isn't written by Sunnyqueen.. Didn’t say it was, only said sunnyqueens post was written by her.

OP didn’t mention major depression or suicide. Thats why myself and others have directed our responses to sunnyqueen who did in her posts and not the OP

OP didn't elaborate on the seriousness of her depression bar living with depression and anxiety daily.. And? Was responding to sunnyqueen, not the OP

No-one suggested anyone with severe debilitating MH just get on with life. Nor did I say anyone had.

Suggestions were made to the OP. Hmm? You don’t say….

@Discovereads I'm entitled to my opinion.
If you read back on my posts Sunnyquwen dismissed and denied my experience of MH issues.

Go WTAF yourself.

I know how you feel OP, and I think years of struggles have taught you to tell yourself off for self-pity, or at least it had me. But sometimes I also find it helpful, and realistically yes, it is deserving of pity.

It's the same with physical health (my daughter has a hidden physical disability), the pain and the struggles are tough, whether they are physical or mental, and sometimes feel unbearable.

My issues are closest to @Hearthnhome, and I also sometimes find it really helpful to think 'The people you see as going about their business and happy, may well have Mental Health issues but trauma has taught them that to survive you must hide it.'

But yes, I do sometimes feel jealous of others and quite possibly wouldn't pick my own problems out of the friends' 'problem pool', as some suggested most of us would. Having suicidal ideation and C-PTSD (on top of recently diagnosed ADHD) for 35 years out of 50 is not fun.

Having neurodivergent and/or physically disabled children is also not fun, and doesn't help things - I get particularly jealous of people whose children don't struggle. But it's not their fault, and really it is my cross to bear the best I can.

On the positive note, I think the struggles, whether physical or mental, make people more mature, resilient and compassionate, or at least I'm telling myself that