... to think that a vacuum cleaner should, you know, vacuum up stuff?

[ifIwerenotanandroid]

OK. So I'm a housework slut, as evidenced today by the way I didn't know how to get the flex out of the (5+ year old) vacuum cleaner: had to google the maker's instructions as I have no idea where DH put our copy. He does what vacuuming gets done, which is why once it was plugged in & switched on I had to search the house for the stiff hosey bit with a brush on it that slots on the end of the bendy hose.

What sort of sick !"£$%^&* stores the brushy bit in one place & the main body in another room entirely? What's THAT about?

Anyway. Once it was assembled I set to - & found that the vc just moves stuff around; so now I have a neat pile of scrumpled hair in one place, craft detritus (miniscule pompoms, I think) in another, etc. WTF is going on? I checked the instructions & they don't seem to cover this. No lights on the vc are flickering, so I guess the bag isn't full - that's how the old one used to speak to us. I extracted a long lump of hair & fluff from the hole in the brushy bit, but still no luck.

See, this is why I don't do hoovering. It's so bloody dispiriting. It never comes up to my expectations. Polishing furniture, dusting ornaments, cleaning windows, even cleaning toilets: fine. Lovely to see them sparkle. Vacuum cleaners are the work of the devil.

You can't beat a Henry. Yes he has mobility problems and likes to stick himself to doorframes, but will happily suck up cigarette lighters or mens socks and keep going like nothing happened. I used a client's Dyson the other day and it had an absolute shit fit over a cat biscuit. Dyson and Sharks are far too fragile for my liking. Give me a Henry that you can throw down the stairs or hoover up a small puddle and he'll still smile at you.

We have a cat and dog Miele and it’s slowly giving up the ghost after nearly 20 years. We also have a Dyson handheld DCfuckknows and it’s ok.
We have a Black and decker handheld thing. These are dhs choices. All are pretty crap.
We do have a Henry too, but yes sat all alone at our holiday home doing diddly squat. He’s very good. I chose him 😁 knocks all the others out of the ballpark. I need to kidnap him for home.

I've got a Miele Cat & Dog cylinder vacuum. It's excellent. The cordless Dyson I bought for doing the car and the bedrooms is CRAP. It would probably be more effective to get on my hands and knees and use a bloody straw

Precisely. It's worked for me.

But I thought I'd have a go today.