New neighbours (of no specified age) complaining before we've even unpacked!

[Elfblossom]

Revised ...

Moved into our new home yesterday and the new neighbours on one side have already complained - twice, to me yesterday as the removal people were unloading the van and today to the builders working on my patio - about the hedge needing a trim!

Thank you to all the people who wished us well in our new home on my previous post. Sadly it was reported and deleted before I could even read half the 95 comments.

I think it's fairly ironic that it was deleted purely because I specified the age group of the complainers - and I only did that because I felt it was relevant.

For the record, I have some wonderful ex neighbours and friends of a similar age to my new neighbours, who are kind, friendly, welcoming to all and good humoured.

When I moved into my house, the next-door neighbour (I'll not specify a vintage but somewhere between 30 and 80) stood at his gate and watched me struggling alone with boxes as my Staffie-dog trotted into our house before me, then said "dogs don't work for me, I'm afraid." and walked into his house with a slam of the door. He was a git on many levels (although somehow thought it perfectly acceptable to play along to Dolly Parton records on his bass guitar at night) and no-one shed a tear when he left.

I'm sorry that that was your first encounter with your new neighbour. I think all you can really do is be basically polite but non-committal, and don't let anyone bully you into anything. I suspect that they might just be "marking their territory" in the manner of canine pack behaviour - i.e. telling you what they deem to be unacceptable. But there's usually a wide gulf between what they might "expect" and what is actually fair or reasonable (or even practical or legal).

Don't let them get to you and don't engage more than you have to. Early days, but the grey rock method might be helpful if they don't dial back the complaints.

Best wishes to you, and I hope you will be happy in your new home. x

Why are we not allowed to mention peoples ages on here if their behaviour is awful, and they are ... ummm ... a little 'mature.....'? Why is it classed as 'ageist?' If anyone complains about someone who is in their 20s being badly behaved, nothing is said. It really irks me tbh.

@Elfblossom I am so sorry you have crappy neighbours - so far - hopefully it will slow down. My new-ish neighbour, about 6 months ago, and me and DH (early to mid 50s) and the other neighbours the other side of her (late 70s,) are all nice to her, and helpful, and pleasant.

She said it was such a relief as her last neighbour she was joined on to was vile. He played VERY loud music through the wall from 9pm til 3pm, so her little DD couldn't sleep properly. He also whined about everything, and threw rubbish over her fence, and tried to turn everyone against her. He was at home all the time, had no hobbies, and no family ever came around. I think he was a bored, angry, lonely man who was miserable with his life and blamed everyone else but himself.

Why do people have to be so dreadful towards others?

Should read (in paragraph 2,) 'My new-ish neighbour moved in about 6 months ago....'

The snark on this thread is almost as bad as outright ageism. But not surprising on MN.

our neighbour complained about the hedge the morning after we had moved in with 2 under 5s when I checked the deeds i had a lovely moment when able to tell him it was his hedge!

It is usually

Agreed.

😆

🤣🤣🤣

Being of a certain age myself, probably closer to them than you, I was raised to respect all other people. That is far from saying I'd tolerate crap, because I wouldn't - from any age. It was never relevant.

I'd have told them they were welcome to trim the hedges or wait until I had time. I'm not suggesting they aren't being unreasonable. But unreasonable doesn't have an age limit.

We got the same but the day after we moved in when my ex-h went to introduce himself. The idiot went out and did it too despite the house needing more work than the garden.
Tbf, the woman of unspecified age didn't cause many more issues but we did find her sneaking into our back garden several times over the next few years messing with the bloody fence.

"Good job it will have stopped growing now so won't get any worse then. I will ensure it's trimmed before next growing season though" would be my reply

Are you deliberately trying to get the OP's thread taken down?

Yeah but how old is old ?

Do not let them trim the hedge. They may have been waiting for an opportunity to cut it much lower.

That ^

Nope. That's giving oprions and opening up dialogue. Mistake from experience 😁

'Oh we love the hedge like that, and we don't plan to trim it. It's one of the reasons we bought the house.'

"But I see no correlation between age and whether people complain about things - reasonably or not reasonably" are you serious @Quveas ?! Have you not seen Victor Meldrew's character in one foot in the grave? Yes you cannot stereotype absolutely everyone as it's ageist but there does seem to be a trend in the demographic! For example, I've watched my parents and grandparents become more 'complainy' as they have got older and I've come to the conclusion it's because a) they have too much time on their hands now retired and b) they actively enjoy it. They literally get fixated on one thing.
Bit like the hedge and your neighbour @Elfblossom ! To them it is all important, they've stewed and fixated about it for ages and they've comply forgotten the decent thing to do would be to welcome you first and let you settle in! It's often things which would appear pretty trivial to the rest of us but because they have obsessed over this one thing it has to be done NOW. My dad loves to whinge about the neighbours. But as I keep pointing out to them they live in a family house in a family area, the location is not suitable for them anymore. But they won't listen and will never move because they love to moan about them, it's a sport! Also when they had a slightly dripping tap which required me to drop everything arrange childcare and come fix it for them immediately...

So based on the above my approach with how to deal with them, age would absolutely be relevant as I'd rather humour an older person as I understand they get fixated,
rather than upset them! Someone my own age I would be much less diplomatic because they should know better!

Best advice is to humour them but push them in the direction you want. So you say thanks for drawing it to our attention, yes it's awful isn't it! I bet the people before us didn't trim it for ages etc (acknowledge the source of their distress!). But then you say unfortunately you don't have any hedge trimmers and you cannot afford to buy any trimmers right now after the move and too busy with work/not good enough to use them anyway. You say what can we do, what about if we club together and both pay half for a contractor to trim the hedge both sides in the meantime (if you are happy to do that). And if they say oh you can borrow ours you say oh I'm a bit accident prone with other people's tools so I'd rather not but thanks for your kind offer. Although if you want you are always welcome to come on our side and use them yourself if you prefer.... Good luck!

How high is the hedge? -sorry if that's already been answered.

Just roll your eyes and tell them you have more pressing issues. Talking to you this on the day you move in is crass.

They sound delightful! We are moving soon and I’m dreading nightmare neighbours! I had a similar situation when I bought my first house with my ex. The house had been rented and on the day we moved we discovered that the previous tenants had damaged the bannister leaving a huge gap. We had two babies under 2 who were mobile so my ex rushed out to get some wood to do a temporary fix once the DC had gone to bed. As soon as had he started drilling and sawing (7pm) the neighbour came round banging on the door demanding that we stop and said ‘surely we could wait until Sunday afternoon! (It was Friday!’ He also told us that we had a week to chop the overhanging tree down at the back of the garden. 😳 My ex worked full time, it was winter and I worked weekends at the time so not possible to leave the DC unattended at that age.
I just told him that my children’s safety was a priority and that we’d sort the tree out in the spring.

My father, age unspecified, has made a career out of falling out with various neighbors, he's a pro sadly

Well if the hedge is next to their property and is about 10 feet tall, I could understand them asking for a trim if it is blocking the light (statutory maximum is 2 metres or 6' 6"). They are allowed to trim their side if it overhangs, but should offer the cuttings to you (as if you'd want them!) or can dispose of them themselves.

If the hedge is not of an excessive height, then it's their hard luck.

Otherwise - enjoy your new home!