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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For not letting this kid near my baby?

39 replies

HellfireBaby · 20/09/2022 15:37

I don’t know if I was BU here but I’ve been made to feel like I was.

I went to a supermarket today with my 5mo DS and after getting what I needed I went into the cafe for a quick coffee as DS was happy and content in his pram. A lady was sat two tables away from me with her little boy who looked about 4 or 5. He was screaming, throwing toys around the cafe, kicking the seats and the mum didn’t seem to give a rats backside, just sat on her phone and quietly told him to stop it every now and then in a tone that sounded like she couldn’t be bothered. Eventually she looked over at me playing with DS while he was in his pram and told her DS to be quiet or he’d scare the baby. The little boy then noticed my DS and came bounding over, kicked the wheel of the pram and tried pulling it from behind to get the pram away from my table. I got up and pulled the pram back towards me and put the brake on and told him not to do that. He then jumped onto the seat next to me to try and grab DS’s foot so I told him not to touch him and to go back to his mummy’s table. He tried grabbing him again so I moved DS’s pram to where he couldn’t get it and as the little boy stomped off his mother called me precious and told me to grow up. I got up and started to leave and another woman on a table nearby told me I was cruel not to let the boy play with my baby.

I’m home now and I can’t comprehend how I can be made to feel bad for stopping this boy from likely hurting my baby. Was I unreasonable? Would any of you had done anything differently?

OP posts:
OriginalUsername3 · 20/09/2022 15:39

Your baby isn't a bloody toy to entertain someone's misbehaving kid.

Whammyyammy · 20/09/2022 15:39

You did nothing wrong. The other woman lacked control and parenting skills.

Noviembre · 20/09/2022 15:39

Christ, I'd have struggled not to yeet that kid out of the cafe and halfway down aisle 5. What a little thug!

You're absolutely right to protect your baby from children like that.

AnneLovesGilbert · 20/09/2022 15:40

Your baby is not a toy. You did the right thing.

Whatever the woman’s struggles they’re not your fault.

townofhull · 20/09/2022 15:42

No you weren't wrong and also the other kid is only small so his mother should have been more present and aware of what he was doing. Sounds like she couldn't be bothered and there are so many like her around with their phones glued to them and not watching what their kids are doing. I have 3 kids myself and will be mortified if any of them did this.

MoreTeaLessCoffee · 20/09/2022 15:45

I'm a bit aghast at the second woman - while the boy's mother obviously has her struggles, I can't comprehend that response to witnessing it. How old was she, maybe it's a generational thing?

MissyB1 · 20/09/2022 15:47

Her poor parenting shouldn’t have to be your problem. You did the right thing.

Original poster
HellfireBaby · 20/09/2022 15:49

@MoreTeaLessCoffee at a guess I would say she was around retirement age. About 5 minutes before she said that to me she had looked over while I was struggling to stop him grabbing the baby, laughed and said “boys will be boys”

OP posts:
Penguinfeather781 · 20/09/2022 15:50

No you weren’t wrong. I’ve got quite good over the years at saying “please leave X alone and go away” to children who are intent on causing trouble/winding up my child/messing with my pram etc. If their parents are around I’ll give them the chance to deal with it first but otherwise I think it’s fine to protect your own child. Your baby isn’t public property.

MovinOnUp · 20/09/2022 15:53

That's astonishing. You were far more polite and reasonable than I would have been.

LaBellina · 20/09/2022 15:55

You were surrounded by complete idiots.
I would have done the same thing as you and told those women to fuck off, your baby isn’t a toy and not to be touched by strangers if you didn’t give them permission.

LaBellina · 20/09/2022 15:56

HellfireBaby · 20/09/2022 15:49

@MoreTeaLessCoffee at a guess I would say she was around retirement age. About 5 minutes before she said that to me she had looked over while I was struggling to stop him grabbing the baby, laughed and said “boys will be boys”

I hope she doesn’t have any children or her own.

CustardySergeant · 20/09/2022 15:56

I can't believe some people have voted YABU!

girlmom21 · 20/09/2022 15:56

I can't believe the second woman!!! You were absolutely right and the mothers lucky you're so polite!

Dotjones · 20/09/2022 15:57

Was it Morrison's?

custardbear · 20/09/2022 15:59

Bloody hell!
The mum, clearly CBA to teach her kid who is clearly unruly now. Your child is not a toy and he could have hurt or scared him
Other lady - WTAF 😳 She needs to give her head a wobble!

arethereanyleftatall · 20/09/2022 16:04

What everyone else said, with a but....

Would their side of the story be the same as yours?

From what you have written, you are obviously not being remotely unreasonable. But, 2 independent different women who saw the event thought you were. Either you bumped in to two idiots (perfectly possible) or it's not quite as you said. We don't know.

BecauseICan22 · 20/09/2022 16:08

HellfireBaby · 20/09/2022 15:37

I don’t know if I was BU here but I’ve been made to feel like I was.

I went to a supermarket today with my 5mo DS and after getting what I needed I went into the cafe for a quick coffee as DS was happy and content in his pram. A lady was sat two tables away from me with her little boy who looked about 4 or 5. He was screaming, throwing toys around the cafe, kicking the seats and the mum didn’t seem to give a rats backside, just sat on her phone and quietly told him to stop it every now and then in a tone that sounded like she couldn’t be bothered. Eventually she looked over at me playing with DS while he was in his pram and told her DS to be quiet or he’d scare the baby. The little boy then noticed my DS and came bounding over, kicked the wheel of the pram and tried pulling it from behind to get the pram away from my table. I got up and pulled the pram back towards me and put the brake on and told him not to do that. He then jumped onto the seat next to me to try and grab DS’s foot so I told him not to touch him and to go back to his mummy’s table. He tried grabbing him again so I moved DS’s pram to where he couldn’t get it and as the little boy stomped off his mother called me precious and told me to grow up. I got up and started to leave and another woman on a table nearby told me I was cruel not to let the boy play with my baby.

I’m home now and I can’t comprehend how I can be made to feel bad for stopping this boy from likely hurting my baby. Was I unreasonable? Would any of you had done anything differently?

I would have done everything you did and then some.

I have been in your situation and not only have I been very calm and clear in my assessment of the other child's behaviour, I've then calmly responded to the other mothers comments.

No way on this earth I would EVER let any of my children behave like that anywhere, not even at home.

I'd certainly never, ever let my child approach a baby and behave like an arse. At the weekend my 15 year old daughter was paying peek-a-boo with a 6 month old at a restaurant. The baby was loving it and her Mum was able to eat her food. My children would never even dream of being so disruptive.

The mother was a crap parent. You did nothing wrong and protecting your baby is your first and only instinct in such a scenario. I hope you feel better soon.

Georgeskitchen · 20/09/2022 16:14

The only thing you did wrong was not loudly shouting across the cafe at the woman to keep her brat under control. Be more assertive I it happens again. Might make the parent get of their phone and start parenting

Mariposista · 20/09/2022 16:14

Heck no, the other child should have been in school anyway, learning the manners that his feckless mother clearly isn't going to teach him.

DuggeeHugPlease · 20/09/2022 16:16

I've experienced this often where unruly children attach themselves to me and my family and their parents sit on and watch as it makes their lives easier. I tell them firmly to go back to their table.
Frankly I'm doing enough entertaining my own children and don't want the responsibility of anyone else's children too. Plus I actually like spending the time with just my family and don't want random other kids there too. I'm not talking about the polite ones who make friends and the parents are hovering nearby asking if it's ok. It's always the ones running amok with the parents engrossed in their phones ignoring them.

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 20/09/2022 16:17

I'd have told him the second lady would like to play with him- head on over chicken

goldenochre · 20/09/2022 16:18

OP you did nothing wrong. They are bang out of order!

Prinnny · 20/09/2022 16:18

Absolute not unreasonable at all! Why would you let some strange feral child touch your baby?! Never go back to that cafe would be my advice! Lunatics!

RosieRainbow1986 · 20/09/2022 16:24

You did absolutely nothing wrong!!! Unfortunately I think this is probably more common than not - some people can't be bothered with their own children and just want a quiet life - drives me mad!!!