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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For not letting this kid near my baby?

39 replies

HellfireBaby · 20/09/2022 15:37

I don’t know if I was BU here but I’ve been made to feel like I was.

I went to a supermarket today with my 5mo DS and after getting what I needed I went into the cafe for a quick coffee as DS was happy and content in his pram. A lady was sat two tables away from me with her little boy who looked about 4 or 5. He was screaming, throwing toys around the cafe, kicking the seats and the mum didn’t seem to give a rats backside, just sat on her phone and quietly told him to stop it every now and then in a tone that sounded like she couldn’t be bothered. Eventually she looked over at me playing with DS while he was in his pram and told her DS to be quiet or he’d scare the baby. The little boy then noticed my DS and came bounding over, kicked the wheel of the pram and tried pulling it from behind to get the pram away from my table. I got up and pulled the pram back towards me and put the brake on and told him not to do that. He then jumped onto the seat next to me to try and grab DS’s foot so I told him not to touch him and to go back to his mummy’s table. He tried grabbing him again so I moved DS’s pram to where he couldn’t get it and as the little boy stomped off his mother called me precious and told me to grow up. I got up and started to leave and another woman on a table nearby told me I was cruel not to let the boy play with my baby.

I’m home now and I can’t comprehend how I can be made to feel bad for stopping this boy from likely hurting my baby. Was I unreasonable? Would any of you had done anything differently?

OP posts:
oakleaffy · 20/09/2022 16:24

I'd have said ''No!''
Your baby isn't a plaything for what sounds like an ill~ mannered child with a weak parent.

Awoooga · 20/09/2022 16:33

Noviembre · 20/09/2022 15:39

Christ, I'd have struggled not to yeet that kid out of the cafe and halfway down aisle 5. What a little thug!

You're absolutely right to protect your baby from children like that.

what she said!

BatteryPoweredMammy · 20/09/2022 16:38

arethereanyleftatall · 20/09/2022 16:04

What everyone else said, with a but....

Would their side of the story be the same as yours?

From what you have written, you are obviously not being remotely unreasonable. But, 2 independent different women who saw the event thought you were. Either you bumped in to two idiots (perfectly possible) or it's not quite as you said. We don't know.

What the fuck are you on? 😂

She was sat in a Tesco cafe. Since when does sitting having a quiet coffee with your baby require you to simultaneously become a free childminder to someone else’s annoying toddler?

She has no duty of care towards entertaining complete strangers. Not sure how you can spin this any other way, but do enlighten us please?

CircleofWillis · 21/09/2022 05:48

BatteryPowerdMammy are you the OP? Otherwise how do you know what supermarket it was?

Hastingsontheup · 21/09/2022 05:56

Why are you allowing this to take up space in your head ?

ittakes2 · 21/09/2022 06:01

The only thing I would have done differently was to tell them to F off I was not going to let some kid hurt my baby.

Marvellousmadness · 21/09/2022 06:02

I would have told the kid to fuck off and fuck off fast

America12 · 21/09/2022 06:07

Mariposista · 20/09/2022 16:14

Heck no, the other child should have been in school anyway, learning the manners that his feckless mother clearly isn't going to teach him.

Don't know if he's even at school ? Maybe it was after school ? Sounds out of control though.

Flatandhappy · 21/09/2022 06:10

The “boys will he boys” thing gives me the rage as it is usually used to excuse bad behaviour. I think you were pretty restrained personally.

Hastingsontheup · 21/09/2022 06:10

LaBellina · 20/09/2022 15:55

You were surrounded by complete idiots.
I would have done the same thing as you and told those women to fuck off, your baby isn’t a toy and not to be touched by strangers if you didn’t give them permission.

Indeed

For not letting this kid near my baby?
JudgeJ · 21/09/2022 14:22

HellfireBaby · 20/09/2022 15:37

I don’t know if I was BU here but I’ve been made to feel like I was.

I went to a supermarket today with my 5mo DS and after getting what I needed I went into the cafe for a quick coffee as DS was happy and content in his pram. A lady was sat two tables away from me with her little boy who looked about 4 or 5. He was screaming, throwing toys around the cafe, kicking the seats and the mum didn’t seem to give a rats backside, just sat on her phone and quietly told him to stop it every now and then in a tone that sounded like she couldn’t be bothered. Eventually she looked over at me playing with DS while he was in his pram and told her DS to be quiet or he’d scare the baby. The little boy then noticed my DS and came bounding over, kicked the wheel of the pram and tried pulling it from behind to get the pram away from my table. I got up and pulled the pram back towards me and put the brake on and told him not to do that. He then jumped onto the seat next to me to try and grab DS’s foot so I told him not to touch him and to go back to his mummy’s table. He tried grabbing him again so I moved DS’s pram to where he couldn’t get it and as the little boy stomped off his mother called me precious and told me to grow up. I got up and started to leave and another woman on a table nearby told me I was cruel not to let the boy play with my baby.

I’m home now and I can’t comprehend how I can be made to feel bad for stopping this boy from likely hurting my baby. Was I unreasonable? Would any of you had done anything differently?

My foot would accidentally be sticking out when the brat ran by.

DemelzaandRoss · 21/09/2022 14:49

You did nothing wrong. Forget about it. Put it down to experience.

BlunderedOutOfHeaven · 14/07/2023 10:03

Interactions with lots of different people are good for your baby. Not only will they train his immune system up but the interaction itself is stimulating, especially one like this: with someone giving your baby their full attention, cooing and awing over them and gentle, loving touch. So from your baby's point of view nothing bad has come to him. You haven't failed him by not being more assertive.

Also, I think babies seem to bring out a very nurturing side in a lot of people. I guess, maybe an interaction like that floods their brain with feel good hormones. Again, this is not a bad thing. Neither for you, nor the baby, nor the stranger. If my baby can make someone happy without being hurt or disadvantaged in any way then what's wrong with that? Win win for everyone.

Having said that, you were uncomfortable and I do think that you need to learn to speak up when you are uncomfortable or think your child needs you to. There will be times when kids need you to advocate for them when someone is being nasty or unfair to them and it's good to practice.

In this case with a well meaning stranger I'd Hope though that you would tell them gently if possibly. You don't need to please everyone but there are no prizes for being an asshole.

(Full disclosure! When my baby was born just after lockdown i didn't let anyone except for immediate family hold her for a few weeks. Totally unnecessary but I understand how protective you feel of your baby).

Flymetothetoon · 14/07/2023 10:07

@BlunderedOutOfHeaven you know this thread is 10 months old don't you 🙄

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