to be annoyed that 2 grown women took toys off ds at a toddler group today?

[deaconblue]

It was our 2nd visit to this toddler group and it is a bit cliquey, but I went back as I don't know anyone in the area and feel I should make the effort. Ds was happily driving a digger around for about 10 minutes wearing a fireman's hat. I was watching from the other side of hte room when a woman lifted him off and put her son on it. Ds just stood there looking crestfallen and confused. AS I went over to comfort him a different woman took teh blody hat off him adn gave it to her son!
I think this is awful but maybe I don't get the etiquette of these places, should I have timed how long he played on one particular toy and then made him get off it? There were plenty of other similar toys there, it's not like he hogged the only ride-on.

No you are not being unreasonable!! That is shocking behaviour! Mind you, I would have said something to her....horrible woman!

didn't know what to say. To be fair to the hat woman she did say it was her son's hat but ds hadn't taken it off him, he'd found it on the floor and how odd to take personal toys to a toddler group and then not share.
Don't really feel like going back but he had enjoyed it up to that point.

Was there only 1 digger and several children waiting for a turn? Or were there lots of them?

I think they should not have lifted him off, but in future you will be aware of any other little ones loitering, waiting for their turn, and you will be able to go to your ds and say right, it's X's turn now, let's go do such-and-such.

im sorry but what a cheeky bitch, how dare she put her hands on your son and lift him off a toy he was plaqying on, that is disgraceful behaviour

There was only one digger but I was watching him all the time and didn't see anyone else waiting for a turn. I went over to distract him to another toy when the hat got taken off him too. Felt like a two-pronged attack!

The little boy who was on it got off after about 30 seconds as well but I didn't let ds back on in case it appeared I was being arsey.

i wouldnt of worried about appearing arsey, u had every right to be arsey

Find a new toddler group , silly bitches obviously less mature than their children.

If a child is monopolising a coveted toy then you politely talk to the Mum and get the dcs to take turns, not go up to the child and manhandle them.

shocking!! i wouldnt dream of touching another little one at M&T unless they were in danger (or hurting my dd of course!)

My dd would've screamed and thrown a proper tantrum if someone had taken a toy from her!!

Are there any other groups in your area? this one does seem very odd!

This is the one at the local school and as far as I know the only one that is in the village. Another group of women were chatty and friendly this week so it isn't all bad. That sort of stuff just makes me feel a bit insecure really, can't stand confrontation. Ds was so confused as I would only take a toy from him if he had taken it from someone else first or was being dangerous with it iyswim

I'm quite shocked, I'd never have touched someone else child, I'd probably have gone over to the first woman as soon as she touched DS and said 'Excuse me is there a problem' (with a wonderfully disarming smile) to see what right she thought she had tbh.

i would have rather distracted my own child than remove toys from someone elses!

I think that is shocking behaviour and totally unreasonable of them NOT you! I think I would have been the same as you though - too shocked to do anything other than let it happen...

Difficult situation though - yesterday one of ds1's friends pushed him over. His mum was there but didn't see and ds1 wasn't hurt just shocked. But looked at me as if for support and I was shocked and just said 'you're ok honey' or something. On reflection I think actually I should have told off friends son (I would be more than happy for her to do this to mine and we're good enough friends) as if ds1 had done this I would have been very cross with him and by not doing it to the other child I am saying to him 'it's ok for someone else to push you but not for you to do the same'!

I think sometimes we are too polite for our own good and too worried about offending other people but on reflection I think I need to be braver and stand up for ds1 more as this isn't the first time I have done this. Sorry for hijack - thought it was relevant but didn't mean to talk for so long!

YANBU-This happened to me once. TBH I had to make my disapproval clear ( in a non threatening manner of course!)
It is a good opportinity to teach your child patience and sharing isn't it?

Message withdrawn

alicet I think when there is actually an altercation between children it is much harder to get 'right' as such.

There is a little girl who looks like butter wouldnt melt at the school when I pick up DD, DS and all the other children his age group (2-3) gravitate around a tree in the centre of the playground and play nicely together, but as soon as this little bitch girl comes over she walks straight up to DS and starts shouting at him that he cant play etc etc.

Every day I call him to me and tell him to stay away from her petrified he is going to push her or something (she gets right in his face and walks towards him, so he has to walk backwards, so it would be totally understandable for him to push her) and that I am going to have to deal with the mother whilst everyone thinks my little boy is a bully, when in actual fact she has had a go at him every day for over a month!

i would of gone mental if someone done that to my DD - she has no right to lift your DS off the digger and put her son on. as for the hat, she should of asked you for it back first instead of just going over and taking it off.

someone did this to dd1

or tried to

I walked over (at speed) and said "oh she hasn't finished playing with it yet, shall I give you a shout in 5 mins?"

Wow - how rude and unwelcoming!
But keep going to the group if your DS enjoys it.
Not everyone will be so controlling as those two women, and you'll make some friends.
You could take home-made cakes next time, after carefully making sure that you hand the laxative-laden ones to the relevant people?

I have started another thread in am I being unreasonable that looks as though I read this thread first .. but I didn't

it's about the attitude of parents that other people shouldn't talk to, admonish, or touch their child .. that they would be livid about it

anyway it wasn't in relation to this but it was pointed out to me that it could have been

In this situation I would not assume that another parent just swooped in and took my child off a toy, I would make the assumption that the other parent had been talking about someone else having a turn and taking turns and maybe counting down ... but that was only if I was so far away I couldn't hear what was going on .. if it was a swoop and grab I'd feel it was inappropriate and would speak to the parent along the lines of what OO says

as for the hat .. some children are close to things .. was the owner crying for it?

I agree Twiglett, I donb't have a problem with other people gently reprimanding ds if he has done something wrong and like all toddlers he can snatch, push etc and in fact I told him off and made him apologise to a little girl he had pushed earlier in the morning. If he had taken the toy off another child or pushed or whatever I wouldn't have minded but I was watching from a distance and he was jsut driving around. I'm sure the other mother just felt he had had longer than a fair turn and chose to give the digger to her son instead.
I think I will give it one more go as the women I got chatting to were very friendly adn ds does like being around other kids.

I do think if the other little boy wanted his hat back though. and if I hadn't noticed that one of mine was hogging the desirable ride 0n, I can't see a problem with another mother gently lifting him/ her off and putting another child on. But I think I'm much more of a believer in communal child care than a lot of other people!

where do you live?might be other groups in area people on mn can point you in direction of?
i think the lady doesnt sound very nice!

But Im sure if the other mum had said to your ds, 'Hello, my little boy would like a go on the tractor too, would you mind if he had a go in a minute?' He probably would have got off anyway, wouldnt he?
Children are not deaf, and to have just taken him off the tractor, and not asked him was very rude imo.

I agree with Lizandlulu I would distract my child rather than take a toy off another child, and wouldnt really like another parent to do it to my child.

I like VS ideal of smiling is that with or without gritted teeth