to be annoyed that 2 grown women took toys off ds at a toddler group today?

[deaconblue]

It was our 2nd visit to this toddler group and it is a bit cliquey, but I went back as I don't know anyone in the area and feel I should make the effort. Ds was happily driving a digger around for about 10 minutes wearing a fireman's hat. I was watching from the other side of hte room when a woman lifted him off and put her son on it. Ds just stood there looking crestfallen and confused. AS I went over to comfort him a different woman took teh blody hat off him adn gave it to her son!
I think this is awful but maybe I don't get the etiquette of these places, should I have timed how long he played on one particular toy and then made him get off it? There were plenty of other similar toys there, it's not like he hogged the only ride-on.

I don't think YABU at all. I can understand how annoyed you must be feeling, i'd be the same. Personally i wouldn't go to the group again, as i always find that bratty kids/parents (if the parent is like that its going to have an effect on her child too), then their behavior tends to rub off on your own child. Sounds a bit drastic but its what ive found.

Off topic a bit, but there was a total bully kid in a group i used to go to who would always shout "NOOOO, its MINE!" then snatch the toy, for about a week later, my toddler did the same. We never went again and my 2yr old never acted that way since.

Whilst I agree that the women's behaviour was a bit much - you say there was only one digger. I must admit in the same situation I would have been mindful of that, and warned my ds that he could only have a short go -because some other children might want to take a turn on it.

Not criticising at all, but I truly would have anticipated this...

Not excusing the women but perhaps their dc had been whingeing for several minutes about when were they going to get a turn. A far better way for them to have handled it would have been to make a friendly overture towards you and let you tell your ds to give the others a go

yanbu

those women encourage selfish behaviour in their precious DCs.

Vile.

And it was the the other child's fireman's hat! Why shouldn't he have it back when he wanted it?

I would have been taken aback too. But seeker's last point made me think..... last summmer we bought a couple of plush lilos for the kids (and us) to use in the communal pool. However, whenever one of us got off, they were seized by other kids and jumped on/monopolised for the rest of the time. Both got punctured from the jumping on/off so we had to buy new ones. In the end, I'm afraid I did ask other kids to get off... so we could enjoy something we'd paid for. Got some filthy looks, however.

i dont like playgroups much tbh

but i reckon the hat was probably ok - lets hope she said something as she took is eg sorry that is fred's hat - etc

toy - i wouldn't have done that - she should have just left him to play and think - oh well, my son can play on that next time

Reminds me why I don't like playgroups-hate all the cliques and the politics!

1st woman was very rude, could have politely asked you if their dc could have a turn.
In these cliquey groups, new mums and their dcs normally stick out- so not as if she couldn't at least have looked for you first!

If the 2nd woman just took the hat without saying anything then also very rude.

Don't give up, you may find a group that's much nicer-unless you aren't a playgroup person-not everyone is!
Is hard if you're trying to socialise though- your hv might know of some other places you can go.

Seeker - Yes, she should have taken the hat back, but if she didnt say anything to the op's ds, then how would he know it belonged to the other boy?
A simple, "Do you mind if I take the hat, its X's you see. Hes brought it from home, is that ok?" , probably wouldnt have hurt anyone.

I agree the woman should not have lifted your son off, cheeky cow

and the op was watching from the other side of the room - maybe something was said? I'm not sure you would hear across the room at a toddler group!

agree with mumzyof2 kids need an explination and learn how to share by this being offered and taking tunrs. not being plonked off like some sack of toys thats in the way

I personally don't think children shoul;d bring toys from home to playgroup. My dd has a soft toy that goes everywhere and even that stays in the car. Unless your child snatched something nobody has the rightr to take a toy of him. If that had been either of my dc they would have screamed the place down, mind you the horrid women would have been embarrassed then wouldn't they.

I think it is fine for the boy to have his hat back, just felt bad for ds when it was taken back immediately after the digger was taken away. I do still think it's strange to take personal stuff to playgroups; nurseries and schools really discourage that as it inevitably leads to children arguing over the possessions.

It sounds to me that their could be a few parents at that toddler group, that are very settled in the group, and an important part of toddler groups is to make people welcome and to get them involved. I don't agree that another mum should take a child off a toy, Inless their is another waiting, and then it is up to their parent to take the matter in there hands or for another to make them aware.

This is when women become arseholes. Especially groups in large towns and cities when they know they won’t have to interact with you. It’s a cesspit of shit behaviour and I avoided these like the plague. If you are feeling low and insecure already they prey on you like vultures.

None of this would have bothered me and it would have been quite common in the groups I went to, but as a PP said, we all believed in communal child care. We also were beside our DCs most of the time and if we were at a different part of the room, then the closest mums would do what the mums did at your group.

Resurrection throll at it again. Talk about having no life!

Zombie 🧟‍♂️