New School - Very worried 😧

[PeggySueSue]

Hello,

My 14 year old is due to start his new school tomorrow, he was a victim of horrendous bullying at his previous school.

This time round I have opted for private education, we have visited the new school, teachers seem very caring and have assured me that what happened at my sons previous school will not be tolerated there.

I am a bit worried because my son has autism, I always say that wouldn’t know unless you were told (but maybe I’m just saying that because he is my child)

Although he has autism he is extremely intelligent, and has always done well academically.

I am very worried, because I’ve heard that privately educated child can be just as bad (if not worst) when it comes to bullying.

Does anyone here have a child who experienced bullying whilst being in private education?

No, but I’ve taught pupils with autism and other additional needs in private schools and I hope it reassures you to know that all were happy and treated kindly by the other children.

There is bullying in private schools. In my experience it’s dealt with reasonably swiftly, I think. Though my kids haven’t been victims, fortunately.

Heard from friends that her child was comfortable and safe at private school where she moved after facing bullying in last school

Thank you for the reassurance!

I am still feeling very guilty that I wasn’t able to protect my son at his previous school, it went on for many months, and the school did very little.

OP - Have you had meeting/s with the school/head and importantly his new teachers? It helps.

There is bullying in both state and private schools unfortunately. You sadly can’t minimise the risk by choosing one form over another.

A school with a good pastoral ethos and good parent/teacher communication will take it seriously and deal with it. It’s irrelevant whether you are paying for this.

Good luck to you and your son.

My DD was bullied at Private School.
it was dealt with swiftly and firmly. One girl was expelled and 2 more were put on behaviour contracts with expulsion being the next step

Your poor son. Unfortunately bullying can happen in both private and state schools and anyone who says otherwise is lying. My youngest son went to a private school where fortunately he was not bullied however, it was evident that various rather unpleasant behavior was tolerated by the head and other teachers if that child was good at a particular sport. I would try to be positive about his new start at a school and help him to develop strategies to cope.

Does anyone here have a child who experienced bullying whilst being in private education?

I’m not sure that is going to help you much. You might get 1000 posters saying they went to private schools and weren’t bullied, but your son is still bullied.

There is bullying in some private schools and there is bullying in some state schools. Keep talking to him so you can check in on what’s going on.

@Raul57

Yes, we met with a number of his new teachers.

@Thepeopleversuswork

That is exactly what I am worried about, my son is very excited to start and make some new friends, he had a few good friends in his previous school but that didn’t stop the bullying, which was verbal/emotionally/physical and also racial.

@Redbone

My son isn’t good at sports, except for running. He is very good at art. The most upsetting thing is that he suffered in silence for months before he told me, when he did tell me the school didn’t do anything except to place the main bully into isolation. Their excuse was “he has problems at home; he lives in a hostel”

He was only permanently excluded (because I told the school that I was getting the police involved) this was shortly after he punched my child and called his disgusting racial slur whilst his friend spat on my child (he was only excluded for a few days) that’s when I withdrew my child from the school.

The whole transition to another school is giving me extreme anxiety.

Sadly there is bullying everywhere, and very commonly in places of work. It's not something just in a certain type of school. You cannot avoid it. You can just hope that your son will feel comfortable here and that he will have kind teachers to look out for him.

Don’t project your anxiety onto your child. Be breezy and excited for him, he’ll be absolutely fine.

@Summerfun54321

Thanks, I pray he has the best day tomorrow. I will keep you all updated.

My dd goes to private school, she's been attending for the last 14 years.
She did experience a little girl bullying her when she was age around 8, the school dealt with it immediately.
When you are paying for your child's education school is MUCH more receptive to parents concerns.
I'm sure your ds will be fine...if he has a tutor overseeing him make sure to establish good relationship with him/her.
Good luck to your son! X

Thinking of you and your son tomorrow.
Try and be positive in front of him so he is confident about his new start x

Be postive and confident. Fresh start, new friends. If he is good at running he might like to get involved in track or cross country.

You probably need some counselling for yourself in dealing with the effects of the bullying. This will help you but also your child. It is really, really hard being a child growing up dealing with a parents anxiety.

the question youve asked here is asking for negative experiences to fuel your anxiety.

is the case against the previous school still ongoing?

You probably need some counselling for yourself in dealing with the effects of the bullying. This will help you but also your child. It is really, really hard being a child growing up dealing with a parents anxiety.

I don’t show my anxiety to my child, I lock myself a way a lot and cry. **
**
the question youve asked here is asking for negative experiences to fuel your anxiety.

I know
**
**
is the case against the previous school still ongoing?

No, I did get the police involved though.

Sadly, there is bullying in the private sector also. It all comes down to the ethos of the school and how they respond. Some of it can be low-level and chip away at a child.

My son says he is ok and he forgives the bullies, I think he is not affected by it so much because when the main bully used to say horrendous things to him, on a few occasions people in his class did stick up for my son, on one occasion when the main bully called my son “an ugly dog” and told him he is worthless and useless, a girl in his class told the bully to shut up, and told my son he is just saying those things because he is jealous, so luckily my son never took anything to heart or began to believe what the bully used to say to him.

Also on another occasion when the bully said something nasty to my son, and hit him one of the popular children in his class again stood up for son and assaulted the bully.

It did give me a bit of comfort knowing that there were some nice children in his class, who were willing to stick up for him 🙂

My son is very kind and before the bully and his little gang decided that my son would be there next victim, never had any issues at school with bullying, he made some very good friends, who were sad to see him leave the school.

I am just so angry, because the main bully was trying his best to ruin my sons self confidence and self esteem, he would continuously call him ugly, worthless and useless, as I said above my son is exceptionally good at art, on a few occasions the bully ruined his work. I don’t understand why another 14 year old child would behave like that, especially when my son was completely innocent.

My daughters still a baby but I went to private school and part of the reason was because of bullying. This was never a problem in private school in my experience whereas in my previous school it had been a daily problem. In fact none of my year were victims of bullying. I may have been lucky and just gone to a lovely school or had a lovely year group but the teachers there definitely didn’t tolerate anything in that area. Even the “mean girls” of my private school were miles away from being bullies.

I’m sure your son will be ok and if there are any issues they’ll be resolved quickly! In my experience teachers at private schools are very quick to tend to any issues! But wishing you and son all the best with his new school!

@Shitfather

Yes, that’s what I am worried about ☹️

My son is also mixed raced and was sometimes racially abused by the bullies, his previous school was very much multi-cultured his bullies were from a south asian background that’s the first time he has ever experienced racism.

The majority of his friends are white, and have shown him nothing but kindness.

His new school is 95% white and I hope that there isn’t going to be no issues, or maybe I’m thinking too hard ☹️

I’m so sorry your child has faced racism on top of everything else. Heartbreaking. I’d definitely have a chat with the Head and SENCO about his history.

It’s school by school, OP.

Bullying was dealt with instantly and really well in 2 of the 3 state schools my Dc have been through. My own Dc with a noticeable physical difference experienced nothing but sensitive support from their peers.

Meanwhile my friend’s Dd left a well thought of private school due to bullying, centred on a disability.

If you have confidence in the school, and they have been alerted in advance, you are doing the best you can for your Ds.

Sending good luck and best wishes.

My ds was bullied and ostracised when he developed a severe stammer which, 7 years later he still has.

I used to ask him what he'd done in his break time and he would tell me he played alone and made mud castles.

It was heartbreaking and we took him out of that ( private ) school ) I home educated him ( not very well ) for a year.

At the time We were living in Norfolk but we made the decision to move home to Wiltshire and find him a good school.

He now attends a ( private ) Christian school which is excellent, it's quite small and they take them from 5 to 16.

He settled in straight away and made friends very quickly. Not a hint of bullying in the last 4 years he has been there - the children are lovely and inclusive. His younger db attends as well and loves it.

The moral of the story is I think it depends on the school, private or otherwise.

Ds original school did nothing and didn't seem to care. You will only know when he gives you the feedback as to whether he is happy and settled. I really hope he is OP

I understand how worried you must be but try not to be. Fingers crossed it's a lovely school and he settles quickly and makes friends.