New School - Very worried 😧

[PeggySueSue]

Hello,

My 14 year old is due to start his new school tomorrow, he was a victim of horrendous bullying at his previous school.

This time round I have opted for private education, we have visited the new school, teachers seem very caring and have assured me that what happened at my sons previous school will not be tolerated there.

I am a bit worried because my son has autism, I always say that wouldn’t know unless you were told (but maybe I’m just saying that because he is my child)

Although he has autism he is extremely intelligent, and has always done well academically.

I am very worried, because I’ve heard that privately educated child can be just as bad (if not worst) when it comes to bullying.

Does anyone here have a child who experienced bullying whilst being in private education?

[PeggySueSue]

Thank you so much, he had another great day today!

I have been so worried that the same thing will happen again; my mind is at ease and it’s so lovely to pick him up from school and to see him happy.

[Hapoydayz]

That’s great news! It’s amazing the difference a school can make

[User287264]

I'm glad to hear he had a good start. I hope things continue this way.

[Hoppinggreen]

Great news @PeggySueSue
Really glad it went well

[PeggySueSue]

My son had a great day at his new school 🙂🙂🙂 he said that it is so much different from his old school, and everyone the staff and pupils in his class are so kind, he also told me that everyone was so nice to him, and he had already made some new friends.

I am so happy and relieved but annoyed at myself that I didn’t opt for private education in the beginning, even though I could easily afford it. I guess I wanted him to grow humble and grounded, I am going to try and put everything behind us and start to move forward.

[PeggySueSue]

Good morning

I’m feeling very hopeful this morning; my son was happy and excited to start his new school this morning, upon arrival we were told that a few boys have already volunteered to look after him 🙂

[IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads]

Good luck to your and your son today @PeggySueSue.

[User287264]

OP my ds was horribly bullied and I can relate to so much of what you say. I'm sorry this has happened to your ds, and to you.

A change to a new school made the world of difference to him.

I hope your ds has a good day today and a smooth transition to his new school..

[MichelleAnderson]

I'm so sorry for his previous experience:(
I'm sure he will find new friends! I remember one post on Reddit where the guy had autism and his friend was always defending him when op could not. I never forget that post and I pray that your child also finds someone like that!
Back to school tips here, if you need them:) They talk about bullying as well
Please share his experience after a while!

[PeggySueSue]

@Wagsandclaws I am so happy that your son is now happy and having a good time at school.

[Wagsandclaws]

My ds was bullied and ostracised when he developed a severe stammer which, 7 years later he still has.

I used to ask him what he'd done in his break time and he would tell me he played alone and made mud castles.

It was heartbreaking and we took him out of that ( private ) school ) I home educated him ( not very well ) for a year.

At the time We were living in Norfolk but we made the decision to move home to Wiltshire and find him a good school.

He now attends a ( private ) Christian school which is excellent, it's quite small and they take them from 5 to 16.

He settled in straight away and made friends very quickly. Not a hint of bullying in the last 4 years he has been there - the children are lovely and inclusive. His younger db attends as well and loves it.

The moral of the story is I think it depends on the school, private or otherwise.

Ds original school did nothing and didn't seem to care. You will only know when he gives you the feedback as to whether he is happy and settled. I really hope he is OP

I understand how worried you must be but try not to be. Fingers crossed it's a lovely school and he settles quickly and makes friends.

[SuperCamp]

It’s school by school, OP.

Bullying was dealt with instantly and really well in 2 of the 3 state schools my Dc have been through. My own Dc with a noticeable physical difference experienced nothing but sensitive support from their peers.

Meanwhile my friend’s Dd left a well thought of private school due to bullying, centred on a disability.

If you have confidence in the school, and they have been alerted in advance, you are doing the best you can for your Ds.

Sending good luck and best wishes.

[Shitfather]

I’m so sorry your child has faced racism on top of everything else. Heartbreaking. I’d definitely have a chat with the Head and SENCO about his history.

[PeggySueSue]

@Shitfather

Yes, that’s what I am worried about ☹️

My son is also mixed raced and was sometimes racially abused by the bullies, his previous school was very much multi-cultured his bullies were from a south asian background that’s the first time he has ever experienced racism.

The majority of his friends are white, and have shown him nothing but kindness.

His new school is 95% white and I hope that there isn’t going to be no issues, or maybe I’m thinking too hard ☹️

[Daisymae55]

My daughters still a baby but I went to private school and part of the reason was because of bullying. This was never a problem in private school in my experience whereas in my previous school it had been a daily problem. In fact none of my year were victims of bullying. I may have been lucky and just gone to a lovely school or had a lovely year group but the teachers there definitely didn’t tolerate anything in that area. Even the “mean girls” of my private school were miles away from being bullies.

I’m sure your son will be ok and if there are any issues they’ll be resolved quickly! In my experience teachers at private schools are very quick to tend to any issues! But wishing you and son all the best with his new school!

[PeggySueSue]

My son says he is ok and he forgives the bullies, I think he is not affected by it so much because when the main bully used to say horrendous things to him, on a few occasions people in his class did stick up for my son, on one occasion when the main bully called my son “an ugly dog” and told him he is worthless and useless, a girl in his class told the bully to shut up, and told my son he is just saying those things because he is jealous, so luckily my son never took anything to heart or began to believe what the bully used to say to him.

Also on another occasion when the bully said something nasty to my son, and hit him one of the popular children in his class again stood up for son and assaulted the bully.

It did give me a bit of comfort knowing that there were some nice children in his class, who were willing to stick up for him 🙂

My son is very kind and before the bully and his little gang decided that my son would be there next victim, never had any issues at school with bullying, he made some very good friends, who were sad to see him leave the school.

I am just so angry, because the main bully was trying his best to ruin my sons self confidence and self esteem, he would continuously call him ugly, worthless and useless, as I said above my son is exceptionally good at art, on a few occasions the bully ruined his work. I don’t understand why another 14 year old child would behave like that, especially when my son was completely innocent.

[Shitfather]

Sadly, there is bullying in the private sector also. It all comes down to the ethos of the school and how they respond. Some of it can be low-level and chip away at a child.

[PeggySueSue]

You probably need some counselling for yourself in dealing with the effects of the bullying. This will help you but also your child. It is really, really hard being a child growing up dealing with a parents anxiety.

I don’t show my anxiety to my child, I lock myself a way a lot and cry. **
**
the question youve asked here is asking for negative experiences to fuel your anxiety.

I know
**
**
is the case against the previous school still ongoing?

No, I did get the police involved though.

[JulesCobb]

You probably need some counselling for yourself in dealing with the effects of the bullying. This will help you but also your child. It is really, really hard being a child growing up dealing with a parents anxiety.

the question youve asked here is asking for negative experiences to fuel your anxiety.

is the case against the previous school still ongoing?

[Hankunamatata]

Be postive and confident. Fresh start, new friends. If he is good at running he might like to get involved in track or cross country.

[Worriedwilma123000]

Thinking of you and your son tomorrow.
Try and be positive in front of him so he is confident about his new start x

[yougotthelook]

@PeggySueSue

@Summerfun54321

Thanks, I pray he has the best day tomorrow. I will keep you all updated.

My dd goes to private school, she's been attending for the last 14 years.
She did experience a little girl bullying her when she was age around 8, the school dealt with it immediately.
When you are paying for your child's education school is MUCH more receptive to parents concerns.
I'm sure your ds will be fine...if he has a tutor overseeing him make sure to establish good relationship with him/her.
Good luck to your son! X

[PeggySueSue]

@Summerfun54321

Thanks, I pray he has the best day tomorrow. I will keep you all updated.

[Summerfun54321]

Don’t project your anxiety onto your child. Be breezy and excited for him, he’ll be absolutely fine.

[Mariposista]

Sadly there is bullying everywhere, and very commonly in places of work. It's not something just in a certain type of school. You cannot avoid it. You can just hope that your son will feel comfortable here and that he will have kind teachers to look out for him.