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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you’ve never left where you grew up

108 replies

Lasagnafortea · 18/09/2022 14:43

Why not?

Sort of inspired by another thread.

Did you want to leave but couldn’t, never had the yearning to see more? did you want to stay, are you happy?

Just curious really!

OP posts:
Thisismynamenow · 18/09/2022 14:46

I got an apprenticeship rather than went to a brick uni, and had a long term boyfriend (now husband) who I lived with by the time I was 18, so had financial responsibilities alot sooner than my friends.

I regret not moving away for uni, but I'd of probably come back as I'm a homebody.

I wish I lived abroad for a year, would of loved to do a gap year in Japan.

Marvellousmadness · 18/09/2022 14:52

Eek..

BearGryllsDad · 18/09/2022 14:53

I'm fascinated by people that have never had to move for money or love. All the resources and relationships in one place. How lovely!

In the childrens school there are families that have been there for generations. It's quite middle class and this does make it a bit insular.

InstantMagic · 18/09/2022 14:56

I left briefly - a short stint working in the USA - but I’ve pretty much always lived in London, where I was born. I’ve raised my kids here, too (now teenagers).

I love big cities. The only place I ever seriously considered leaving for was New York, back in the early 2000s. But it didn’t work out and I came back and then couldn’t really imagine anywhere else I’d want to live. I’ve travelled a lot and appreciate other places. I can also totally understand why people don’t want to live here. But I genuinely love this city.

I do have fleeting thoughts about retiring somewhere more peaceful and scenic. But then I look at my ageing parents (who are separated) and think maybe not. My Dad lives rurally and it’s hard now he’s old and not that well. He’s quite isolated and doesn’t have good amenities nearby. My mum lives in London and is out and about on public transport using her freedom pass, has her doctor and dentist and a good hospital on her doorstep, is involved in so many social and community activities. It seems to be keeping her young!

Changemaname1 · 18/09/2022 14:58

Worked abroad for a time but then ended up back here , likely wouldn’t have stayed but ended up having dc . I travel as much as possible and will move abroad again when they are older hopefully

appletizerandcake · 18/09/2022 15:01

I've lived in the same place all my life (am early 30's now). I've not travelled either (went abroad once just before I got married). When I was in my mid to late teens I wanted to move, I had loads of ambition to work and live abroad and in different parts of the UK. But I got average grades at school, didn't go to uni and when I left school just got a low paid office job and stayed in it until I had kids. I know it sounds boring but I managed to save money and buy a nice little flat and I enjoyed my twenties. I've always felt secure where I am and now I'm a bit older I don't really feel the need to go travelling. Where I live though if you want a career you do really need to move away though, there aren't many opportunities- as I've got older I've just not been bothered about a career though

ComtesseDeSpair · 18/09/2022 15:02

never had the yearning to see more?

I’d imagine most people who still live in their hometown do leave it sometimes! They've probably seen plenty more places. And somebody who grew up in place A but now lives in place B may have seen far less.

Paparazzicrap · 18/09/2022 15:02

I was all set to go to Scotland for uni until my mother started to show symptoms of arthritis and became reliant on a crutch. We were told she'd end up in a wheelchair eventually. My DF was working full time and they needed his income so I gave up my uni place, got a job locally and am still here 20 years later. DPs still think I stayed for DH, they don't know he was planning to move with me

Northernsoullover · 18/09/2022 15:04

I did live abroad for two years but I like my city. I've got children now and parents are getting on so I have no plans to move.

KangarooKenny · 18/09/2022 15:04

I’m still homesick for the town I grew up in, but it’s changed and the people I grew up with have now gone, so I know it wouldn’t be the same. But I still yearn for what I had.

ScrambledEggsOnToast2 · 18/09/2022 15:06

Nit the same thing I know but I lived away for uni and then afterwards for a couple of years, then I travelled the world and lived and worked in Australia for a period of time. Moved back and settled in my home town. I met my husband at uni, he's from the same place as me. I love where we live, we are very happy, I have seen lots of stunning places and had lots of experiences but my home is the place I grew up. Christmas is fab we can visit everyone, there's no travelling hours. Friends spend all Christmas driving miles across the country, we don't. We have lots of friends who have done the same, left for uni but returned to settle down. I feel like it's the best of both worlds.

CakeCrumbs44 · 18/09/2022 15:07

I live in the same town I grew up in, my husband grew up here too. We did rent in a nearby city for a while when we were younger and I was at uni there (about 20 minutes away) but we then bought a house in our town.
We live in a lovely area - great schools; low crime, rates; plenty of community events; lots of green space; close(ish) to beaches, forests, area of natural beauty; things for kids to do; travel links to lots of different places; our close family live within 20 minutes drive. I don't see why we would want to live somewhere else.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 18/09/2022 15:13

Poverty and abuse.

I've never had the money. Probably never will, despite no longer being trapped in abusive situations.

I'd leave tonight if I could afford it. But we can't.

glamourousindierockandroll · 18/09/2022 15:16

I lived away whilst studying but I missed my family and always felt like my home town was home.

I always knew that I wanted children and to raise them as part of an extended family, so I was wary of dating people who lived away, just like I wouldn't have dated someone who didn't want kids.

In terms of location, where I live suits me very well. It's not big but it is well connected to other parts of the country, the housing is not expensive, there isn't a lot of crime and there is a lot of varied natural beauty within a few miles.

duckme · 18/09/2022 15:19

Despite how crazy they make me on a regular basis, I really do love that everyone I love is within a mile and a half of where I live (most of the time - every now and then someone irritates me enough that I'm on Rightmove looking at shepherd huts in Abergavenny). I know that if anyone of us needs anything, there is someone who will be there to help within minutes.
My kids are lucky that they've had lovely relationships with grandparents and great grandparents and those grandparents and great grandparents are lucky that they have everyone living so close to them too.

Babyroobs · 18/09/2022 15:20

I did move away for Uni then lived abroad for a few years but ended up coming back to my home village and never leaving. Once my elderly dad is no longer here and adult kids have all flown the nest we will move.

illbeinthegarden · 18/09/2022 15:20

I live about a ten minute walk from the house I was born in. I had my first child at 19 after falling for a wrong un and got stuck. No one I knew went to uni we all worked. I worked retail type jobs around bringing up my children. Moving away never even entered my head. It just wasn't what people did in my family.

Now I'm older and have a career having gone back to education.. I am starting to get itchy feet and thinking about a move but who knows if it will happen. I'm almost mortgage free now so don't want to add any more debt now.

My own kids have moved away for uni and I've always encouraged it. No one ever spoke about it to me.

mynameisbrian · 18/09/2022 15:27

Most of my family have remained where we grew up as do their DC. I don’t understand it myself as I couldn’t wait to get out but realise we are all different. I sometimes envy but when I visit it reminds me why I left. Each to there own and they are happy if anything they judge me for leaving and think I have gone all ‘posh’. Can’t win really. And also London is very different to a small town out in the sticks where poverty is in your face, poor social housing and lack of work opportunities

felulageller · 18/09/2022 15:47

I moved away for uni. I expected to move again but got stuck. I feel disappointed in myself for not living in more places.

I meet people who have only lived in one place and I find them so parochial. They are so closed in their thinking.

I can think of nothing worse for my DC's than only living in one place all their lives. (Although I'd like them close enough to visit the grandkids regularly!)

Dalaidramailama · 18/09/2022 15:48

I wanted to stay in the city I was born in. I never would have left my mum and I met my husband at age 17. He is also from this city and never wanted to leave his family either.

We have been married for years and our 3 children have lots of extended family here. 3 Aunties, 4 uncles, 16 cousins and two sets of involved grandparents close by.

I class myself as very fortunate to have these close family bonds that are easily maintained with the close proximity.

Zingy123 · 18/09/2022 15:49

Live 5 minutes from where I was born. My family all live within 5 minutes of each other. Perfectly happy not sure why the judgemental post.

Ridley10 · 18/09/2022 15:49

My husband has and me in a way. Though we lived in a nearby city for three years. I lived anyway from where we grew up for 7 years and we moved back for parental support as we have children with special needs. I don’t like living here so am desperate to leave when the kids finish education.

abovedecknotbelow · 18/09/2022 15:51

I moved countries for uni, and had a five year stint working in the ME. Ended up coming back to where I grew up, no need to move tbh. I think we may go further out in the future but not until DC finish secondary, and I worry what will happen to my mum if and when she needs support so being near to her makes sense.

Mushroo · 18/09/2022 15:51

Moved away for uni but my husband who I met at uni is from the same place as me so it made sense to move back. (Large city).

Toyed with moving to London but realised I couldn’t afford to buy there. Looked at working abroad but at the time I wasn’t married and would have been complicated with DHs job.

Essentially chose to settle down and get on the properly ladder early, and stay near to family as I think it’s nice for kids to be near GPs. we do a lot of holidays though.

duckme · 18/09/2022 15:52

illbeinthegarden · 18/09/2022 15:20

I live about a ten minute walk from the house I was born in. I had my first child at 19 after falling for a wrong un and got stuck. No one I knew went to uni we all worked. I worked retail type jobs around bringing up my children. Moving away never even entered my head. It just wasn't what people did in my family.

Now I'm older and have a career having gone back to education.. I am starting to get itchy feet and thinking about a move but who knows if it will happen. I'm almost mortgage free now so don't want to add any more debt now.

My own kids have moved away for uni and I've always encouraged it. No one ever spoke about it to me.

Funnily enough, whilst I wouldn't say I have encouraged my kids to move miles and miles away for uni, I have suggested staying in Halls at the uni in the nearest city to us. Just so they have the social aspect. I'd hate for them to think they've sort of fell into staying around here. None of them want to at the moment though.