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Original poster

I can never tell if men want to be friends or more

51 replies

Boooooooom · 17/09/2022 20:33

I worked an agency shift today with a man i haven't met before, but looks a similar age.
Spoke to him briefly during the shift, seemed friendly.
He happened to be getting the same bus home as me and he asked for my phone number whilst waiting.
I said, what for work purposes? And then he said no no so I said I have a partner I'm not interested in that way, I will give you my WhatsApp on a friends basis.
For whatever reason I did, I think I should have said no but I guess I felt awkward with him having to then take the bus with me.
He then rang my number to see if I got a missed all so I couldn't have given him a fake.
I'm thinking shall I just ignore if he messages?
But what if he's just trying to be friendly and it's platonic?
If it were a woman I wouldn't think twice about it.
I just wonder if he'd have asked if I were 67 year old Jane size 22.

OP posts:
Original poster
Boooooooom · 17/09/2022 20:34

I do overthink stuff a lot. I've zero intention of seeing him outside of work, I only worked with him once. I'm always looking to make friends but not sure what his intentions are.
I know men and women can definitely be friends but sometimes it's hard to know.

OP posts:
Cosycover · 17/09/2022 20:36

I would just wait and see if he messages. He might be fine with being friends. If not then his intentions will become clear and you can deal with it if that happens.

I have loads of male friends who really are just friends.

Original poster
Boooooooom · 17/09/2022 20:38

I'll wait and see I guess. Another male asked for my Instagram after one shift together. He messaged me once, it was a very mundane 5 minute conversation and I haven't heard a word from him since.
My partner has all his female colleagues details but I guess they've worked together for quite a while.

OP posts:
TheNewSchmoo · 17/09/2022 20:38

Your last sentence is nasty.

Comedycook · 17/09/2022 20:39

Men rarely ask for a woman's phone number to just be friends

Original poster
Boooooooom · 17/09/2022 20:39

Sorry it wasn't meant to be i just feel like it's true though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Boooooooom · 17/09/2022 20:40

I've probably been naive.

OP posts:
newsaint · 17/09/2022 20:43

I sympathise OP, in terms of "can never tell".

I am married now, but I was not cut out for the dating game at all. I was hopeless at it (low confidence at the time didnt help, right enough).

I do not "get" what are referred to as 'signals' - at least, anything short of something fired out a flare gun. I do not do subtlety.

OLD was a blessing for me, to be honest. Much more straightforward.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 17/09/2022 20:46

I'd normally give people the benefit of the doubt. However in this case he has met you that day. Loads of blokes have my number through work, but it's people I've known a while, or they need my number for something specific like organising a night out. There is literally no reason why someone you've met that day would need your number. If a woman I met, on one day asked for my number, I'd feel similarly

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 17/09/2022 20:47

What I'm trying to say is either sex, get to know someone before trusting them

Original poster
Boooooooom · 17/09/2022 20:47

Yeah true..it might be with the nature of the work there's no guarantee you'd work together anytime soon, we are both from different agencies. But i just never know what to believe

OP posts:
mooongooose · 17/09/2022 20:48

He checked you didn't give a fake number. That's what men do when they want to chat up a woman. He's not into being mates.

JessesMum777888 · 17/09/2022 20:48

Boooooooom · 17/09/2022 20:33

I worked an agency shift today with a man i haven't met before, but looks a similar age.
Spoke to him briefly during the shift, seemed friendly.
He happened to be getting the same bus home as me and he asked for my phone number whilst waiting.
I said, what for work purposes? And then he said no no so I said I have a partner I'm not interested in that way, I will give you my WhatsApp on a friends basis.
For whatever reason I did, I think I should have said no but I guess I felt awkward with him having to then take the bus with me.
He then rang my number to see if I got a missed all so I couldn't have given him a fake.
I'm thinking shall I just ignore if he messages?
But what if he's just trying to be friendly and it's platonic?
If it were a woman I wouldn't think twice about it.
I just wonder if he'd have asked if I were 67 year old Jane size 22.

I’m sure 67 year old size 22 Jane would be a lot nicer than you come across.

Original poster
Boooooooom · 17/09/2022 20:49

The guy asking for my Instagram last time never actually did anything else though I guess, it was literally one message, "hi what are you up to today" , I said what shift I was doing, he said 'ok', and not heard a word since.

OP posts:
TheYearOfSmallThings · 17/09/2022 20:55

He asked for your number because finds you at least somewhat attractive and he wants to know whether you like him enough to give him your number. He may or may not then use it to find out whether you would be willing to have sex with him in the future.

If a man who does not want to have sex with you asks for your number (eg for practical reasons) he will be careful to say why he wants your number. And it is never, ever because he just wants to be your friend.

CristinaNov182 · 17/09/2022 20:57

If a man called me to check that I didn’t give him a fake number, outright said that, I’d block him, even if I had fancied him before.

he imposed on you by asking for the number, knowing for some women it will be hard not to give it, specially put in a position to sit through a bus ride and next to have to continue to work with him.

He knows it’s an imposition (bc women have given him fake numbers) and he still feels entitled to do it & to call and tell you he is checking!

He might take pleasure in forcing himself this way, back women in corners, even to the extend of pretending to be just friends, but “checking” and pestering you why you don’t reply, telling you it’s not nice to ignore a coworker, someone who is “just” trying to be friendly etc.

he doesn’t need your private number to be friends at work. And you had no connection with him so he’d feel you could be friends outside work, that wouldn’t happen anyway on the day you just met

llisten to your instinct, you already got it

Original poster
Boooooooom · 17/09/2022 20:58

I didn't mean to be nasty with the last one.
It's just such a cliché...whenever you read on here about women's partners having a new 'friend' from work it's always the 25 year old size 8 who they happen to have loads in common with. It's never a mature or larger older lady that they try to be friends with for some reason.

OP posts:
CristinaNov182 · 17/09/2022 20:59

Boooooooom · 17/09/2022 20:58

I didn't mean to be nasty with the last one.
It's just such a cliché...whenever you read on here about women's partners having a new 'friend' from work it's always the 25 year old size 8 who they happen to have loads in common with. It's never a mature or larger older lady that they try to be friends with for some reason.

It wasn’t nasty at all, it’s your instinct tell you the truth in not so many words.

Original poster
Boooooooom · 17/09/2022 20:59

I should block the number. It's just awkward as i like working at that nursing home but feel like i can't go back now (he's there 4 days a week)

OP posts:
Royalbloo · 17/09/2022 21:05

Well, see what he does with your number? If he's a normal dude = yay. If he's creepy as fuck = block and delete.

you can't always tell x

EmmaH2022 · 17/09/2022 21:07

OP when I saw your title I thought, yes, I have that too

but asking for your number is pretty clear. Plus he rang it to make sure? I find that rather aggressive.

when I were a lass, it was pretty common to respond to number requests with "shall I take yours?" It would be greeted with "oh yeah, don't call us, we'll call you" and used to be okay. Now people seem much less protective of their info, it might be considered rude, but if not, then a good one for the future.

Original poster
Boooooooom · 17/09/2022 21:07

Yeah you're right I'll just have to wait and see

OP posts:
Original poster
Boooooooom · 17/09/2022 21:08

Yeah the ringing me was a bit sinister.
I'll need to work on being firmer.
I think as i then had to get the same bus home as him I felt a bit backed into a corner

OP posts:
CristinaNov182 · 17/09/2022 21:10

Boooooooom · 17/09/2022 20:59

I should block the number. It's just awkward as i like working at that nursing home but feel like i can't go back now (he's there 4 days a week)

This might happen again and what’s the solution, stop working completely?

do you have to work just with him, will there be other people around, can you excuse yourself if you need to?

it might be awkward, but to lose money over this?

if you don’t feel like you can stand up to him on your own, use your boyfriend.

1.I”d block the number and if he asks you later, say you”re not interested in being friends.

  1. If he pesters you, go to hr
  1. have your boyfriend pick you up. Your boyfriend can tell him he is looking for friends himself, wouldn’t he want his number.

4.or don’t block the number and have your bf reply to this guy, say he heard this guy is looking for friends and he (your bf) is very interested in making new platonic friends, you not so much. You can use a pretend bf here if you don’t have one.

you’ll see this guy will avoid you after this. If not, hr.

Original poster
Boooooooom · 17/09/2022 21:13

The actual shift would be ok as I didn't work directly with him today. It would just be the getting there and back as we used the same bus both ways and the bus stop is a good 10 minute walk from the home.
But you're right I can't just stop going a place because of things like this.
Sadly neither me nor my partner drive! But good suggestions

OP posts: