I have the ebook and here it is
“With present-day technology, how much time would you have to spend with a stranger before she wouldn’t be a stranger anymore? How many of your low-tech tests would a baby-sitter have to pass before you’d trust her? We undertake this common yet very high-stakes prediction by reviewing an application and asking a few questions, but let’s really look at this prediction.
For starters, we wouldn’t just interview a woman we met in a park. No, we’d want someone who was recommended by a person we know, because we like to rely on predictions made by others. Our friend Kevin is so bright and honorable, we think, that if he endorses somebody, well, that person must be okay. What often happens, however, is that we attach Kevin’s attributes to the person he recommended, and we don’t listen to our own uncertainty. As we drive away from home, leaving our child behind with someone we met just a half-hour ago, there is that tug that says, “You never really know about people.
In our interview with the baby-sitter, we watch her attentively for any signs of… of what? Drug use? Well, that can be tested with reliability; tens of thousands of drug-screen tests are done every week by employers who have less at stake than parents do when hiring a baby-sitter. Though most people believe the drug question is a critical one, have you ever heard of a parent requiring a drug screen of a baby-sitter candidate? Or a Breath-alyzer test to see if she’s been drinking?
Most parents don’t even contact all the baby-sitter’s references, so it’s no wonder they drive away feeling, “You never really know about people.”
I am not, by the way, suggesting drug tests or polygraphs for baby-sitters, but I am pointing out that we rarely bring even a tenth of the available resources to high-stakes predictions. For example, the question people really want answered by a prospective baby-sitter is
Have you ever mistreated a child?
But they never ask it! Why not? Because people feel that asking a question so direct is rude, or ridiculous, since it wouldn’t be answered truthfully by someone who had mistreated children. Ask the question anyway, and how it is answered will make you more comfortable or less comfortable with that applicant. Imagine you asked, “Have you ever abused a child?” and the applicant responded “with “Define abuse,” or “What have you heard?”
It is entirely fair and appropriate to ask someone to whom you’ll entrust your child to discuss the very issues you care about most. Good applicants will certainly understand, and bad applicants may reveal themselves.
Having not sought any of the information he or she really wants to know, a parent might see the applicant stroke the family cat and think: “She likes animals, that’s a good sign.” (Or worse still: “Tabby likes her, that’s a good sign.”) People want so badly to get someone hired for a job that they spend more time qualifying a candidate than disqualifying a candidate, but this is one process in which it’s better to look for the storm clouds than to look for the silver lining.”
Excerpt From
The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals that Protect us from Violence
Gavin De Becker
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