How to recover from embarrassment?

M08my · 17/09/2022 19:07

I'm really sorry for your loss.

Speak to your manager, you might be able to get unpaid leave after the 5 days. You need rest at least

whatyousayin · 17/09/2022 19:08

Very sorry to hear of your loss 💔

It's perfectly normal to feel like this.

Don't worry about work colleagues thoughts, when they come to hear the news the penny will drop.

I'm sure you could always take extra time you needed off and go to the doctor whenever you can get in and they will back date a sick note which would be suitable for your work.

Be kind to yourself, it's ok to not be ok right now.

TabithaTittlemouse · 17/09/2022 19:09

I’m so sorry for your loss.
Speak to your manager, you can’t work.

Cosmos123 · 17/09/2022 19:09

You need comfort and support. Sending you his. Tell a close friend who van maybe speak to your boss for you.

Cherish the memories and hug someone close.

EnjoyingTheSilence · 17/09/2022 19:09

You need to take some time off, the death of a parent is devastating, you need to be able to grieve.

Take care of yourself x

Mummydoingmybest · 17/09/2022 19:10

santorinii · 17/09/2022 19:05

I was at work today and was crying badly all day. Everyone noticed. My mum died this morning. I didn’t tell anyone at work so they just think I’m weird. Work only gives 5 days off for bereavement and I don’t think it’s enough time. At any given moment I could just burst into tears and can’t focus on anything. Obviously can’t get help from GP until Tuesday but even then, what could they do to help? I just can’t get myself together

Sorry for your loss.
If she died today why are you at work? You get five days off so take them! People will think you’re weird if you don’t tell them why you’re crying!

look after yourself and take the five days off!!

BamBamBilla · 17/09/2022 19:11

Speak to your manager. You can get a sick note from the gp retrospectively.

iwonttaketheeasyroad · 17/09/2022 19:11

Go to your GP and get signed off sick. You need more than 5 days

Chainunderreaction · 17/09/2022 19:11

Sorry for your loss op

Why didn't you go home after finding out?

Take the time you need, speak to your manager or HR about taking unpaid leave after the 5 days

JustBkind · 17/09/2022 19:11

I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. You really do need to take time off and take care of yourself. Go to your GP and they will give you a fit note stating bereavement for as long as you need. You can have this extended when it runs out if you need to. Most people do this until after the funeral at least. Please do this and take time to grieve properly. Big hugs xx

Littlegoth · 17/09/2022 19:12

So sorry for your loss. From an HR perspective I would completely be expecting you get signed off, and if you didn’t I would probably find an excuse to check in with you.

SettingPrecedents · 17/09/2022 19:13

I’m so sorry for your loss. Take your five days, then go to the GP and get yourself signed off. If you don’t feel up to a phone call then can you text or email a manager for now? You have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about.

yourestandingonmyneck · 17/09/2022 19:13

I'm so very sorry.

You can't work just now. Speak to your manager.

Don't worry about colleagues. They will understand when they hear what's happened. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. At all.

Xxxx

ExpectMore · 17/09/2022 19:14

santorinii · 17/09/2022 19:05

I was at work today and was crying badly all day. Everyone noticed. My mum died this morning. I didn’t tell anyone at work so they just think I’m weird. Work only gives 5 days off for bereavement and I don’t think it’s enough time. At any given moment I could just burst into tears and can’t focus on anything. Obviously can’t get help from GP until Tuesday but even then, what could they do to help? I just can’t get myself together

I'm very sorry to hear of your loss 🙏

In terms of a practical solution, could you take 5 days bereavement leave followed by at least 5 days of sick leave (you can take sick for up to 5 days without seeing a GP. I'd cite "stress" or similar). Within this period, you could visit the GP to ask for more time off.

Definitely speak to your manager. They humans and most will understand and be sympathetic.

Original poster

santorinii · 17/09/2022 19:15

Thank you. Yes I definitely regret going in! I work in a public department where everyone is over worked and people on sick leave are considered letting the team down as it impacts service users. For that reason I didn’t think management would be supportive. Also the grief randomly hit me, I was okay at first as was just thinking work could take my mind off

OP posts:

Luredbyapomegranate · 17/09/2022 19:19

So sorry to hear about your loss. You need to tell your manager what’s happened and take your 5 days. It’s very short I agree so you can go see the GP and be signed off for another week or two,

Luredbyapomegranate · 17/09/2022 19:20

santorinii · 17/09/2022 19:15

Thank you. Yes I definitely regret going in! I work in a public department where everyone is over worked and people on sick leave are considered letting the team down as it impacts service users. For that reason I didn’t think management would be supportive. Also the grief randomly hit me, I was okay at first as was just thinking work could take my mind off

No one is going to think this after someone’s mum has died.. and if they did., let them.

Groovee · 17/09/2022 19:21

I am so sorry for your loss. I only get 5 special leave days at work and my manager told me to go and get signed off from work by the GP if I needed to. As it worked out I only took 2 days as then it was the Christmas holidays. Be kind to yourself x

Fallstar · 17/09/2022 19:23

I'm so, so sorry for your loss, OP.

My mum died last week and I would have struggled to go into work.

Take care of yourself and give yourself time to grieve. As others have said, that may involve taking sick leave in addition to bereavement leave.

Y7drama · 17/09/2022 19:24

So very sorry for your loss. I’m sure you could take sick leave after your bereavement leave if you need it.

HuzzahIndeed · 17/09/2022 19:28

I'm so sorry. X

IBroughtTheBunny · 17/09/2022 19:50

Im so sorry for your loss. I totally know what you mean about thinking you would be “ok”. I found out my dad had past away whilst on my way to my husbands grandads funeral and just kind of went into auto pilot mode. It wasn’t until I was waking towards the crematorium that it all kind of hit me and the grief was like a wave. In hindsight, I should have just went home as soon I found out about my dad but when you are in the moment, it’s so hard to think rationally. Hugs to you xx

Theworldisfullofgs · 17/09/2022 19:55

Tell your manager. No one will think you are letting the team down.
You need time to process this.

People will be understanding.
I'm so sorry for your loss

Maytodecember · 17/09/2022 20:08

I’m so sorry for your loss. 💐
When you say the grief is randomly hitting you, that is normal. It’s horrible, it’s difficult to cope with but it is absolutely normal. It’s called a grief rollercoaster and you will feel all different emotions.
Stay off work but talk to people. Family or friends, it’s important to talk.
And silly though it sounds drink plenty of fluids, even if you can’t eat. I cried and cried when my DH died and didn’t drink enough, got quite ill from dehydration.
Let others look after you if you can and be very kind and gentle to yourself.

FinallyHere · 17/09/2022 20:26

I'm very sorry for your loss.

In the UK, you can self certify the first seven days of absence when ill. It does not sound as if you are fit to work. Tell your manager that you are not fit to work, so they can arrange giver for you.

These days illness will be added to the five days bereavement leave you mentioned.

It's important that when you are at work, you are capable. If you are not fit, which is entirely understandable after such a bereavement, then take advantage of the leave til you are able to face work again.

Sorry if I sound a bit forceful, sometimes people do not see clearly what is right. It feels to me as if this is one of those times.