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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Which person is in the wrong here?

63 replies

sallylouise2 · 17/09/2022 12:51

Parent A was supposed to be watching toddler in the living room while Parent B made lunch for toddler in the kitchen.

Toddler got out of open patio doors in living room onto a raised wooden balcony where there are steps that toddler could have fallen down.

Parent B went back into living room to ask Parent A something, spotted toddler outside and asked why is she out there? Parent A was sitting scrolling on their phone, jumped up and said they "hadn't realised".

This has caused Parent B to feel stressed and upset that toddler was not being properly watched while they made toddler lunch. This is because of the potential that toddler could have fallen down the steps outside.

Parent A argues that it was Parent B's fault, however, because they opened the patio door a couple of hours prior when toddler was sleeping to let some air in as it was hot in the room.

Parent A believes that because Parent B opened the door, they are responsible for what happened.

Parent B argues that Parent A was the one who was supposed to be watching toddler while they made lunch, and therefore they are at fault for being on their phone and not properly watching toddler.

Who is at fault here?

OP posts:
JellyJolly · 17/09/2022 13:24

A

Floomobal · 17/09/2022 13:26

Parent A is clearly a useless parent who is not used to childcare, and is lazy/not particularly interested. Guessing it’s Dad, and you are overworked Parent B

JaninaDuszejko · 17/09/2022 13:39

Obviously if he's assaulted you you need to leave him asap.

However, in this particular example which is a 'near miss' (probably because the toddler is sensible enough to not attempt the steps) apportioning blame does not help and you are fighting a losing battle if you shout at anyone and expect them them to apologise. In a healthy relationship (don't bother trying in this relationship) you should work together to work out how to minimise the risk. So teach your toddler to climb down stairs backwards, it's much safer.

giveovernate · 17/09/2022 13:43

Given your updates why does it even matter? You're leaving, let this make you leave faster.

Adultchildofelderlyparents · 17/09/2022 14:00

The parent watching the child is responsible for watching the child.
I hate all of this person A/person B nonsense, it's always plainly obvious which one the post writer is, why not just say what the problem is.

billy1966 · 17/09/2022 14:16

Absolutely his fault.

Well done for planning on getting out.

SandieCollins · 17/09/2022 14:20

ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 17/09/2022 12:57

You, for the A and B bullshit.

This. It’s always really obvious who’s who

girlmom21 · 17/09/2022 14:25

@PeekabooAtTheZoo I didn't 'victim blame' without the facts. I said this sounds like this if all the examples are similar. Which clearly they're not and they guy is a nasty cunt.

OP is there anything we can do to help you get out sooner?

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 17/09/2022 14:32

Patio Door C is partly to blame for not highlighting itself to Parent A.

EndTheMonacyNow · 17/09/2022 14:33

sallylouise2 · 17/09/2022 12:57

Thanks all. Just needed confirmation I wasn't going insane. This is part of a pattern of behaviour on his part where I'm always somehow to blame for his fuck ups 🤷‍♀️

C'mon, you didn't really need to ask. Your OP couldn't have been more one sided. You partner is obviously in the wrong

badbaduncle · 17/09/2022 14:46

Yes, he should have been watching and is now DAVROing and trying to gaslight you

nachoavocado · 17/09/2022 15:41

sallylouise2 · 17/09/2022 13:13

@nachoavocado

Yes. Just waiting on a suitable property becoming available and trying to sane in the meantime

Good luck 👍

sallylouise2 · 17/09/2022 18:58

girlmom21 · 17/09/2022 14:25

@PeekabooAtTheZoo I didn't 'victim blame' without the facts. I said this sounds like this if all the examples are similar. Which clearly they're not and they guy is a nasty cunt.

OP is there anything we can do to help you get out sooner?

Not really. But thank you.

I'm just biding my time and getting my ducks in a row. It's been a long time coming.

OP posts:
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