DP always out.

[camen]

I would like to ask for some opinions, and whether i'm being unreasonable or not, because part of me thinks i'm somewhat overreacting whilst the other part of me is fed up of this routine.

DP works mon-fri, off on saturdays and sundays. when he comes in from work, he's tired from work and i'm exhausted from childcare (we have a 7 month old-teething and starting to crawl) so we usually will have dinner, sit for a while and go to bed early to repeat. the only days where we can be slightly more chill and spend quality time and share some childcare (as i don't impose it on him during weekdays since he works) is the weekend. i don't mean to seem bratty, up until this point i've been fine handling childcare and housework on my own, but our DS starting to crawl and become more active, whilst teething has made it that i'm constantly on my feet and just pretty tired if i'm honest.

my issue is- every saturday DP goes off somewhere and returns late afternoon just before dinner. he has a great relationship with his DM and DSF but i can't help but get a little annoyed that they rely on him for everything. two weeks ago, his DM asked him if he would go with her to upgrade her phone, then shopping. last week he went to go pick her up from work, go out for a coffee and then drop her home. today he's gotten up (his family dog has a vet appointment at 1:30) and he's told me that he will be going to meet his mum for a coffee then she's going to go do her nails so he's gonna take the dog to the vet, drop the dog off home, then go with his DSF to see cars.

my birthday was on thursday, but as it was a weekday i held off any celebration for today where i've invited some family over for dinner, and i'm guessing DP will only show up with his DM and DSF for dinner.

every weekend he has to go do something with them, and whilst it's sweet, he then complains he's tired he's up early every day, which irritates me because i've been up all day (and nights now because of teething) and he complains when he chooses to go out.

am i overreacting?

Really weird. Does he never take your DC with him?

Why doesn't he take the baby with him and give you some peace and quiet?

I was also going to book an eye test today for myself and he said he would go with me as he also wanted an eye test. but asks me if it can be another day since he's busy today. am i an a**hole if i go myself alone?

Why cant he take baby with him and give you a break?

When you ask if you’re overreacting, what has your actual reaction been? Have you actually spoken to your husband about this? As it doesn’t sound like you have.

You should both have an equal amount of leisure time and some time together. Have a conversation and see how you can make that happen.

Is this a serious question?

Why can’t he take the baby with him, especially to see his mum. I could not be attracted to a man that behaved like this.

I think you have normalised this it is not normal at all and certainly not overreacting indeed I think you are under reacting

Why does he not take baby with him?

And why does his 'DSF' not help at all?

Can his Mum drive?

Are they helpless? In which case get social services involved.

Or is he using this as an excuse to get out of caring for his child?

How old are his parents?

He needs to take baby with him. Grandparents get to see baby and you get a rest. Problem sorted.

Op, he's taking the piss. You need to have a conversation with him, because he thinks everything is ok, you look after the baby & he can swan off for the day. He probably doesn't even realise he's being selfish. But have a word with him, you guys should come first, not his mum & dad x

Same as everyone else.
At first I assumed it was going to be another moan about a Dad playing sport, but if he is pottering around town with his Mum, doing jobs, surely the obvious thing is for them to take the baby ?

Apart from anything else, wouldn't they want to spend time with the baby ?

Does he actually do any parenting?

Or husbanding for that matter

Very easily solved. He takes the baby with him. Obviously grandparents wouldn't object to spending time with their grandchild. Obviously father wouldn't object to spending time with his child he barely sees. It's good for DS to spend time with his father he barely sees and good for DS to get out and about in different places.

It shouldn't even be a question. He needs to be taking DS on his outings.

Is baby BF, so he cannot take him/her?

Is he definitely always doing what he says he is doing? Also working full time shouldn't be a get out for mid week parenting 🙄

the only days where we can be slightly more chill and spend quality time and share some childcare (as i don't impose it on him during weekdays since he works) is the weekend

What's he like when he's with you and the baby? How are his interactions with you both? How is your relationship in general?

If baby takes the bottle then it goes out with dad. It needs to be brought back appropriately fed, appropriately slept and properly clean.

I went back to work (just a little bit) after 4 months and dh, who worked all week, did just fine. Depends on my hours that day, sometimes I would come home and do dinner, sometimes dinner would be partly done and sometimes I would have dinner placed in front of me.

Your dh needs to be a parent.

share some childcare (as i don't impose it on him during weekdays since he works)

"Impose" ????
Does he not want to spend time with his child ?

Presumably, whilst he is outside the home at his paid employment + commute, you are then employed in looking after the baby. Once he is home, then looking after the baby surely becomes something you do between the two of you ? Or do you think it right that you work 24 hours a day whilst he works presumably around 8 hours a day ?

Tell him he can take the baby with him. Stop being a mug.

The arrangements people settle for always amazes me. I don't know why someone would want to opt out of parenting, or why they are facilitated in this by their partners.

Does he do nothing at all at home?? Even the dishes, dinner, washing? Why even have a child? Why does having a job suddenly make a man the Lord and Saviour in some womens eyes?

i have a 7mo. And 2 older dc. Dp leaves early, sometimes he gets up at 4:30 to put dinner on before he goes . He picks up one dc from childcare a couple of times a week, does bath and bed, weekend activities have to go in the diary and suit us both, because these children are our family we had together.
go to your eye test. Think of some errands and ask him to do them next Saturday - if he can run errands for his parents he can run them for his own family. Book a day out the Saturday after, tell him casual boyfriends are ok to only turn up for your birthday dinner, good husbands should make their wife feel a little special for their birthday instead of just the cook, and you’ve booked x next Saturday and he can make it up to you then. Think very hard about this relationship, because if you don’t fix it now there any many many years of being the only parent who parents and house drudge while he does more for his mum than for his own child and wife.

Pack a bag and send him home to his mother.

What a waster.

OP, your relationship bar must be on the ground for you to tolerate this.

It is actually unbelievable.

He is a shit partner and a shit father.

Get yourself back to work and sort your contraception out pronto.

Your relationship is not going to last with someone so selfish.

You deserve better that this selfish waster.

That's so shit.

That he hist expects you to be the default carer. That he expects you to pick up his share of childcare all the time. That he doesnt discuss it with you in advance.

He is treating his own life like he has no responsibilities and your life is unimportant and secondary to his wishes (and these wishes dont even seem very important. For example if one of his parents was ill and he wanted to take them to hospital appointments to support them - fair enough. But a bloody phone or shopping trip? Surely if his parents are completely clueless he can do some research for them and tell them a couple of recommendations to buy instead of physically going with them?)

Have you tried talking to him about it? You really need to stop this now as it will only get worse as his parents age.

If that doesn't work, just go out first and leave the baby with him, he can take the baby with him or see what it's like to be left at home for a change. It might be worth doing this anyway - arrange to meet some friends next weekend or something