DP always out.

[camen]

I would like to ask for some opinions, and whether i'm being unreasonable or not, because part of me thinks i'm somewhat overreacting whilst the other part of me is fed up of this routine.

DP works mon-fri, off on saturdays and sundays. when he comes in from work, he's tired from work and i'm exhausted from childcare (we have a 7 month old-teething and starting to crawl) so we usually will have dinner, sit for a while and go to bed early to repeat. the only days where we can be slightly more chill and spend quality time and share some childcare (as i don't impose it on him during weekdays since he works) is the weekend. i don't mean to seem bratty, up until this point i've been fine handling childcare and housework on my own, but our DS starting to crawl and become more active, whilst teething has made it that i'm constantly on my feet and just pretty tired if i'm honest.

my issue is- every saturday DP goes off somewhere and returns late afternoon just before dinner. he has a great relationship with his DM and DSF but i can't help but get a little annoyed that they rely on him for everything. two weeks ago, his DM asked him if he would go with her to upgrade her phone, then shopping. last week he went to go pick her up from work, go out for a coffee and then drop her home. today he's gotten up (his family dog has a vet appointment at 1:30) and he's told me that he will be going to meet his mum for a coffee then she's going to go do her nails so he's gonna take the dog to the vet, drop the dog off home, then go with his DSF to see cars.

my birthday was on thursday, but as it was a weekday i held off any celebration for today where i've invited some family over for dinner, and i'm guessing DP will only show up with his DM and DSF for dinner.

every weekend he has to go do something with them, and whilst it's sweet, he then complains he's tired he's up early every day, which irritates me because i've been up all day (and nights now because of teething) and he complains when he chooses to go out.

am i overreacting?

Exactly. You are behaving like a complete doormat, no wonder he takes advantage. What is that impose nonsense that you are talking about? Why haven't you sent your ds along with him? And why on earth would you still not go ahead with your appointment. It's you, your entire willingness to put up with this nonsense.

Tell him to take baby with him on these weekends where he once again opts out of parental duties, leaving you to cope alone. He and his parents seem to think he’s still a single man.
Perhaps a few weekends of feeding, changing, entertaining s 7 month old will bring him and his mother to the realisation that he’s a father now .
And why are you doing all childcare during the week after he’s finished work for the day? He can still do bath time, feed him, play with his child. Stop the martyrdom and put a stop to this. He’ll be expecting you to be warming his slippers next.
Why isn’t his stepdad driving his mother to her appointments?

And his step dad can do more

Wow this thread just shows how few people think breastfeeding is the norm. It just wouldn't occur to me that he take the baby out for a whole day a week. Instead I'd say that there needs to be a way for him to have balance and for you to get both family time and downtime yourself OP, whatever way that works. But the starting point is him actually wanting to be part of your family.

He is taking the easy way out. DH was not keen on helping me with HIS family. Some men want a child or two but do not want the day to day effort of being part of a family they have created. My DH was very keen to have a family but not keen to be a dad. DDs are now 28 and 30. He’s still only interested in their achievements. Not in their lives overall. Sadly it’s difficult to know men will be so useless beforehand.

It’s difficult to know what to do. I don’t see there’s much to lose by contacting his mother! Or telling him clearly that you are arranging things to do at weekends that require his presence. Don’t have his dinner ready when he gets back by the way! Also make arrangements to see friends. Plus see your own family. I remember my DH went all summer seeing hardly any friends because he played golf at weekends. I started to invite friends round. Do not let what he does affect friendships.

Ask him to do bathtime. Make sure he plays with baby whilst you get on with dinner. Arrange days out for all of you. He is obviously not really bonding with your baby and you need to try and find things you can do together to reinforce the family. Why don’t you all go to his DM’s? Suggest this.

Well, he needs to do his share of parenting in the week, even if he is working.

And at weekends his priority should be you and his dc, not his parents. He has some really odd ideas.

You need to talk, and he needs to step up and start doing his share.