Does this sound normal for 8yo?

[DCNormal]

DD is 8, Year 4.

She’s never had a playdate with a school friend but does get invited to parties that aren’t whole class (she’s been invited to two this school year alone, neither whole class, one had only 3 others from the class the other was 8 from the class). We’ve had playdates with my cousins DC and friends with DC but never a classmate.

She does Brownies and Gymnastics outside of school. Both leaders/instructors tell me she’s chatty and seems to get along with everyone but has no set friends or group but she’s not excluded and just happily chats away. Brownies often use her as an example as she gets lots of badges due to doing the Interest Badges and the other girls seem to like her there. None of her classmates do these things at the same time as her, only 1 other girl in the class does Brownies, although it seems all the other girls do Gymnastics.

All her teachers (in the past not spoken to the Y4 teacher yet) have said similar to Brownies/Gymnastics. She plays with everyone, doesn’t seem to have a set group or friendships but seems happy enough to play with James and Amelia one day but Ruby and Emily (not real names) the next.

She has some SN and comes across a bit younger than she is but not by a huge amount, she seems maybe 12 months at most emotionally behind, so she still plays with Barbies and her dolls houses (sylvanian families and similar) whereas her classmates now suddenly seem into makeup and hair, they also seemed to have ditched bikes and scooters in favour of running or walking where as DD still rides her scooter.

There’s no bullying going on from what I can tell, but I do try to steer DD in the direction of the interests of the other girls in her class when we’re with them and not with family as there’s been the odd comment in the past about DD being a baby – this was heard by her HT even though it wasn’t in school time HT dealt with it and there’s been no comments since as far as I know.

Does DD sound normal? It’s a worry of mine and ExH as we were both horrendously bullied at school due to being the weird kid and don’t want that for DD. My bullying started in Year 3 and ExHs Year 5 so DD is around the age we were.

She sounds great. I'd be more concerned if my 8 year old was worrying about hair and make-up than playing with toys!

What happens when you invite someone over for a playdate? Do they say no?

She sounds utterly normal to me. My dd is a few years older, but certainly at 8 her and her friends were still playing with toys. Until the end of year 5 probably. It sounds as though the others are influenced by older siblings or encouraged by parents to grow up quickly.

She sounds totally normal and lovely to me. Healthy too - I think sometimes having too strong a friendship groups or cliques can stop kids developing their own sense of self and autonomy and interests eg if they’re overly worried about doing what their friends are doing.

I think you might be over-worrying based on your own history - totally understandable! I think the world is a bit different now though. Assuming you grew up around the 90s, when everything was about being cool and fitting in?? I think the culture amongst younger generations has moved on now, to acknowledging and celebrating everyone’s uniqueness - thank god!

What if you invite children over for play dates? If she flits between groups maybe the children don’t always think of asking her but obviously like her if she’s asked to parties.

Sounds totally normal to me. I have an 8yo dd and she still plays with toys. She was playing house with her figures with the almost 10 year old girl from our street this week. She still plays with her bike, scooter and roller blades too.

Your dd sounds lovely and exactly the type of friend my dd would love to play with. Try not to worry too much. I’d say the 8 year olds who don’t play and are into makeup are much less common than how your dd is.

8 is too young for makeup and hair. My 10 yr old and friends still don't care. At 8 that's parents and siblings pushing it which is a bit sad.

They're also quite fluid with friends. Having a dedicated 'best friend' to the exclusion of others isn't really encouraged these days, so the kids are happier being friends with more people. Perfectly normal.

She sounds lovely and not young for her age at all. Eight seems very young for children to be interested in hair and make up. It sounds as though they are growing up too quickly rather than your daughter being behind.
Regarding friendship groups. If she is happy playing with many people rather than one or two special people that is good too. She just Having a small closed friendship group has problems of its own.

However I would just keep an eye out to make sure she doesn't feel excluded or unhappy.

Sounds lovely, she’s obviously sociable. Mine is a bit like this and I was a bit concerned until my friends with kids with intense friendships told me they were concerned about that! Maybe try some play dates if you want to - we like having a couple over at a time.

Playdates in the class don’t seem to be a thing, I’ve invited children over before and get told “we’ll arrange something when I’m not working” and I keep trying but nothing ever materialises. There is a lot of children in the class who have a sibling 1-2 years older and then 1 or 2 years younger as well, I think something like 70% of the class is a sibling entry so maybe it’s just the mix of the class.

I chat to the other parents when I see them at parties and at school and I’m sure they’d know who I am and who DD is. Other parents and grandparents chat to me at pickup when they’re there as well.

She seems fine when playing with my friends DC or my cousins DC, chatty and happy to follow their games.

I think I’m probably overthinking everything, as she does seem younger than the others in the class.

This might not be personal, but organizing playdates is really up to parents and their schedules. When I do playdates for my 6yo DS we usually prioritize family friends over school friends.
Maybe you need to make parent friends?

Barbies and her dolls houses (sylvanian families and similar) whereas her classmates now suddenly seem into makeup and hair, they also seemed to have ditched bikes and scooters in favour of running or walking where as DD still rides her scooter.

My Dd is 10 and totally uninterested in makeup and hair. She has a few close friends in her class and from what I can tell, none of them are that bothered yet. Her class and the class above definitely still go everywhere by scooter (she has the wrong brand 🙄and is going to put it on her Christmas list). She's never been one to play with dolls but still plays with Lego and Sylvanian families. Her best friend's mum mentioned that one of the girls in the class commented at BF for still playing with Playmobil when she was at their place but that's the only incident I've heard of.

I wouldn't worry too much, unless it's bothering her or she starts to get drawn into the inevitable playground spats. There's a risk of her being caught in the middle of e.g, Ruby and Emily have a fall out.

My DD was honestly just the same and I used to worry about it in the younger years.

My advice? Don’t worry. My daughter is older now and very socially aware. She has a lot of friends spanning the many different groups you get in a state secondary. She’s actually really socially intuitive and doesn’t feel the need to attach to a particular group. Zero problems now she’s older and she has escaped a lot of drama over the years.

Literally everyone is her mate!… albeit quite superficially but it suits her as she’s even said her home life is the most important to her. She gets by very well indeed.

She sounds perfectly normal to me, I have an 8yo dd

Wow my 9yo going on 10 plays with sylvanian families and barbies and we are still buying these as gifts for other dc. I'd be horrified if she'd rather have makeup.
Normal in my world. My dc flits between friends. We ask others over but overall play dates tend to mainly happen in the holidays now.

What SN does she have? It's common for children with ASD to mature more slowly than other children and be emotionally behind. It also tends to be quite uncommon for children to be friends with everyone no matter how much they are encouraged - although to be honest I think your dd's way of doing things sounds much better!

You say you and your ExH were the weird kids at school so perhaps this also was due to being ND, it tends to run in families. ASD may not have really been on the radar when you were there. I would try not to worry though and just let her be her, it's likely it will become more obvious as she gets to Secondary age if she is ND.

@Choconut shes just down as learning difficulties no actual diagnosis, I suspect ASD as ExH is diagnosed but school disagree.

I had a chaotic home life particularly in secondary which contributed a lot I think to my perception of school.

She sounds an utter darling.

My 10 year old still plays with Sylvanian families, Barbies etc - totally normal. She has only just started to become aware of make up and so on.

If you are concerned about play dates etc just see if you can arrange some for her. A lot of friendships are engineered by parents. If she is happy enough then don't try and fix it - it's not broken.

She sounds lovely and you sound very caring.

Do her school friends come to her parties?

I think continuing to encourage her to mix with different groups outside of school is a very good thing to do as that will put less emphasis on school friendships if she ever does start to feel left out. Personally I think playdates are a good way to deepen friendships so I'd continue to suggest them, maybe with non-school friends if school friends don't do them.

I do try to steer DD in the direction of the interests of the other girls in her class when we’re with them

Stop doing this.
Let the girl be herself.

DS1 has ASD and we would have had all the same comments from teachers about playing with lots of different people but always being on the outer edge of friendship groups and never really having a 'best friend'. It never bothered him and he actually never seemed to notice (it worried us a lot but never him).

DD is 8 and she and her friendship group swing from playing dolls/teachers etc to wanting to put some make up and make up a dance routine and then off out on their bikes. So I think at this age it's a mixture of it all and I wouldn't worry if she was going one way or the other as they're all different.

I would keep trying with the play dates though. They're a great way of helping her create better friendships.

@DCNormal most DC I know are like your DD.

one friend has a DD age 10, going on 20. She's ALL about the makeup, clothes, hair etc it makes me sad for her because I'm sure it's all to 'impress' her 16 yo SS. She wants to be her. Terrifying as her SS has an eating disorder & is very unhappy (friend and DH trying to get her help, but mum blocking)

if your DD is happy I'd leave well alone. She's not you or your DH & your home life is good, not chaotic. If you DD is unhappy with the situation, then maybe invite friends from clubs, rather than school OR school friends for a sleep over (very few parents don't jump at that opportunity!!)

but try not to stress, at 8, she sounds lovely !!

neighbours DD IS 8, mainstream school, chatty, friendly, but has ADHD she's always out playing happily with her folks & teddies and any if the other kids playing out who all seem to join in. Except one, but her mother is neurotic about her not messing up her hair or dresses, poor kids is 'kept' like a China doll!

She reads as completely normal. My kids have clubs go to the parties albeit not as many as pre-covid. Both get on with everybody at school But once a year maybe have a play date from someone from school normally during summer holidays.

I'm aware some mums make it their mission to get loads of play dates in with school bods. One particular comes to mind and it looks like she's trying to increase the popularity of her child. Really no need as she's plain lovely.

Relax a bit maybe let her enjoy what she likes to do. She seems happy from what you say.

I think she sounds lovely, evidently happy, sociable and comfortable in her own skin.

I think 8 year olds being interested in hair and make up is a little unusual and your DD is perfectly fine as she is.

So sad that Babies and dollhouses are considered too young for 8 year olds! I was mostly playing with plastic animals at that age, sometimes even baby dolls, and with friends we mostly played make believe.

Your DD sounds perfectly normal and very lovely. Sounds like she is happy, self assured and well liked.