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To think AIBU is pretty toxic these days?

20 replies

CalmdownCampers · 17/09/2022 10:12

On some threads, people seem happy to kick each other to death, merely because they do not agree on a point. Insults start getting thrown instead of debates and it gets ugly, early on

Some adults seem to have not realised that this is how the world works, others have a different opinion and this can be an interesting conversation point. I realise this is an online forum, as people act on here in a way they would not in the real world = approaching a stranger and hurling insults

I do not think this board is the place to ask a genuine question, it is more of a troll fest with the chance same posters are changing names. I would never seek support on here. I honestly think this board could be damaging to a persons mental health which is worrying.

Having said the above, there are some nice posters obviously so I am not tarring everyone with the same brush but the bad seem to over rule the good, these days

I think people are changing names in order to back up their 'point' on a regular basis, and I think this is something Mumsnet should put a stop to, one user name per person

YABU = No this board is fine
YANBU = This board could be a kinder place

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

46 votes. Final results.

You are being unreasonable
You are NOT being unreasonable
CalmdownCampers · 17/09/2022 10:13

Just to reiterate, before anyone says otherwise I am not tarring everyone with the same brush

OP posts:
Antarcticant · 17/09/2022 10:14

You are more likely to get helpful, supportive replies if you post in a niche topic, but the downside to that is lower traffic means you might wait a while for them.

Nothingbuttheglory · 17/09/2022 10:15

It's been like this for years.

Luredbyapomegranate · 17/09/2022 10:16

Always been like that

There is good advice but you have to brace yourself

Shmithecat2 · 17/09/2022 10:16

I voted YABU. Not that I disagree with your opinion on it being toxic (it is), but YABU to say 'these days' - it's been toxic for years.

Myotherdogsaballboy · 17/09/2022 10:17

If you have a question you want considered and thoughtful input on, it's def not going to happen on AIBU. The board seems to be the place where all niceties and consideration are chucked out the window and no matter how sensitive or innocent a subject is, the replies are full of insults and judgement. It's always been grim though but I think it descended into outright bullying over the last few years.

Nitgel · 17/09/2022 10:18

it';s always been the arse end of mumsnet never been a good topic, shame it took off really as mn changed at that point.

Sapphire387 · 17/09/2022 10:20

I think it's getting worse. It's gone from arguing needlessly to real nastiness at times.

LondonWolf · 17/09/2022 10:22

It's always been like that but imo MN as a whole is getting worse and I blame Twitter. It's become acceptable to write shortly, sharply and rudely and go for the jugular in as few words as possible.

CoatyWonder · 17/09/2022 10:22

I think it's worse.

Check out this thread pulled at random from 2007. Note how relaxed the replies are. Now try and imagine the responses an OP would get asking today

girlmom21 · 17/09/2022 10:23

Lots of posters openly admit they only go to AIBU to give people a good kicking. Some people are arseholes.

IWillComplaininWriting · 17/09/2022 10:25

Yes, you are right. I suspect there are misogynist troll groups related to gender issues.

Trytoavoidthebastardbus · 17/09/2022 10:25

Some people are completely ridiculous just to be contrary on here.

xsquared · 17/09/2022 10:36

AIBU has always been toxic and a magnet for trolls.

Some people seem to like to post just so they can be condescending.

It's not really to be taken seriously.

rosamacrose · 17/09/2022 10:44

I remember a thread, which I think, maybe,, iirc, asked a similar question. It descended into an argument about whether using the phrase 'taring everyone with the same brush was appropriate or not.
Derail arriving in 3...2...1...

fairgame84 · 17/09/2022 10:44

MN in general is quite toxic atm.
Just look at the replies to the poor lady having to go through a selective termination yesterday. The replies on her thread were disgusting.

RedElephants · 17/09/2022 11:02

That's the internet for you, to many keyboard warriors, try to out do each other...

Susie45344 · 17/09/2022 11:02

I used the relationships board last month and was surprised by the kind responses. It was a short thread with good advice and it was invaluable to me, but in the last few days I have seen a few threads that just make me wonder why I am still here. I know there is an expectation in AIBU that posters will put the boot in. I think people come here to let some of their stress go by being nasty online, in a way that they wouldn't be able to do in real life. But I have seen the same attitudes in Chat and relationships.

I did receive good advice on my thread but so often I see posts that aren't just nasty, or judgemental, they also offer terrible advice! I am starting to think mumsnet is full of very young people with little life or relationship experience and they lack the intelligence/capacity to insert themselves into the OPs situation. Empathy is something I find useful to measure, the posters who give too little, or the posters who give too much are not useful to the OP. It's like snow white's porridge, the posters who can read the situation appropriately and give measured advice are worth their weight in gold. They are just swimming in mud on here. And it isn't going to get any better.

I have asked for advice and received good advice but at the same time, it would be a last case resort for me. Your OP has to be bulletproof for the advice to remain calm and useful, any sign that you made a mistake, it's game over and some posters just look for that, the crack in the armour to attack.

It is an open forum and it is free, but more and get what you paid for.

RedElephants · 17/09/2022 11:02


Myotherdogsaballboy · 17/09/2022 11:08

Oh god yes the thread by the woman wanting opinions about whether to wait as long as she could to terminate one of her twins was full of the vilest and most inhuman of replies. It is the most horrible and haunting of situations to be in and the poor woman had the book thrown at her for choosing not to bring a disabled child into the world because it didn't feel right for her. It was just awful to read

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