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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel sad on the eve of my birthday

31 replies

Poppins17 · 16/09/2022 21:41

It’s my birthday tomorrow.

My Husband has bought me a watch (step count one I chose myself for £20) which has been put on the dining room table since it arrived a couple of days ago and my parents have bought me some face cream which is in a gift bag open with my card in… so I’ve realised I have nothing to actually unwrap.

It sounds really materialistic, but it’s not that, it just makes me feel sad that I make so much effort for everyone else and always make sure whoever’s birthday it is they have something to open even if it’s just a couple of small things but no one has thought about me like that.

Perhaps it’s a sign of me getting old, which makes me feel even sadder. I’m feeling quite emotional.

I’m just being silly, sorry - just needed to get it out of my head.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 16/09/2022 21:44

Happy birthday for tomorrow! Any chance DH will pull something of the bag on the day?

If he doesn’t all you can do is dial back what you do for other people so you don’t feel mugged off by your comparison and plan something nice for yourself for next year.

What plans do you have? Always a treat having a weekend birthday.

purpleme12 · 16/09/2022 21:48

It annoys me when people don't wrap to be honest.
Even small things should be wrapped so they can be opened

Original poster
Poppins17 · 16/09/2022 21:49

AnneLovesGilbert · 16/09/2022 21:44

Happy birthday for tomorrow! Any chance DH will pull something of the bag on the day?

If he doesn’t all you can do is dial back what you do for other people so you don’t feel mugged off by your comparison and plan something nice for yourself for next year.

What plans do you have? Always a treat having a weekend birthday.

Thank you!

No, unfortunately not - he has been busy with work just lately.

I have booked lunch in town tomorrow so that will be nice 😊

OP posts:
Stopthebusplease · 16/09/2022 21:58

Tell them!

I've posted about this before, but maybe you haven't read it. The first birthday I had with my DH he bought me some lovely gifts, but didn't wrap them up, just left them on the table for me to find in the morning. I was, like you, incredibly disappointed, as unwrapping, even when you know what the gift is, is the exciting part of being given a gift. I did of course thank him for the gifts when he got home, but would much rather he'd wrapped them and said 'wait for me to get home before you open your presents', but he didn't. All evening it bothered me, and after he'd gone to sleep, it was still bothering me, so I went downstairs, wrote him a note telling him how I felt, and saying that the reason I hadn't said something earlier, was that I didn't want to seem ungrateful, but knew that if I didn't say anything at all, he would continue not to bother wrapping gifts, because he didn't know how important it was to me. He was devastated when he found the note by his coffee cup next morning, brought me breakfast in bed, and told me how sorry he was. He's NEVER done it again, and has found that he too gets pleasure from seeing me unwrap, so it's a win both ways.

However, if you've told him/them before, and this is a repeat of the same behaviour, I'm afraid I would be really disappointed particularly in my partner, and wonder just how much he was taking our relationship for granted. I would then not bother putting any effort in to doing anything for him, but that's a slippery slope. So you'd have to consider whether your relationship is worth continuing under those circumstances.

All that said, I hope you have a Wonderful Birthday OP! Do let us know if he surprises you though.

BeachTree · 16/09/2022 22:02

I hope you have a good birthday. Do something nice for yourself soon x

Badger1970 · 16/09/2022 22:11

I get you, OP. It's so disappointing when you put an effort in but it's not reciprocated.

I used to spend hours planning DH's birthdays - days out, homemade cakes/picnics, evening meals with our DC. And got more and more pissed off that he'd never plan anything for me and spent the day asking me what I wanted to do. So now he gets what he gives and we're both disappointed. It is what it is.

FlissyPaps · 16/09/2022 22:16

Happy Birthday OP💐❤

YANBU. Not in the slightest. I really hope you receive something nice to unwrap that is a surprise from a friend or other family member. & if not, treat yourself to something nice.

Speedweed · 16/09/2022 22:26

It may sound silly (probably to anyone whose thoughtful family gives them beautifully wrapped gifts) but I'm going to suggest it in case it helps, OP - next year get yourself some treats a while before your birthday, wrap them up and put them away, then open them on your birthday. Treat yourself the way you treat others. Even if your other half just gives you the money, you can make a fuss over you

Luredbyapomegranate · 16/09/2022 22:46

Happy birthday for tomorrow!

I do know exactly what you mean and I have had a few birthdays like that. I have come to the conclusion you have to design your own birthday, so try and enjoy this one as much as you can, while putting plans in place for next year. People need very. clear. instructions.

Original poster
Poppins17 · 17/09/2022 05:49

Thank you everyone for your comments and birthday wishes ☺️

OP posts:
Aprilx · 17/09/2022 05:59

I am honestly baffled as to why you want to unwrap something when you already know what it is. I enjoy unwrapping things as much as the next person but I genuinely would feel quite daft enough wrapping something up when the the other person knows what it is and likewise unwrapping something I picked. So perhaps they just thing along those lines and it has no hidden meaning or suggestion that they do not care.

But Happy birthday, enjoy your day.

oopsfellover · 17/09/2022 06:23

I get you OP, it’s nice to have a surprise or two and something to unwrap. But enjoy your lunch and any attention! Happy birthday 🥳

Shoxfordian · 17/09/2022 06:33

Happy Birthday!

Stop making effort for people who don’t make effort for you as your gift to yourself this year

jeaux90 · 17/09/2022 06:49

Happy Birthday OP, I hope you have a lovely day. Cake

nancydroo · 17/09/2022 06:54

Happy birthday OP. Shite isn't it!? Getting older sucks for birthdays. I get a whole heap of nothing for birthday or Christmas from DH. We no longer do anniversary cards let alone gifts. Dull dull dull. Have a great lunch

CrystalCoco · 17/09/2022 06:56

Happy Birthday 💐... but... come on, you're not 5 are you? (Assuming not since you're married)

There are MNers who post that DH made zero effort for their birthday, no card, no gift, no meal. I think you're sounding just a wee bit precious.

If gift wrapping is 'your thing' which it sounds like it is, then by all means go town wrapping up friends and family's gifts because you enjoy doing it, but you can't expect everyone to like/enjoy doing it just because you do.

I'd just be grateful they bought me a present that I wanted!

Milknosugarta · 17/09/2022 07:00

Happy birthday Poppins. 💐I agree with speedweed, treat yourself to some things that make you happy.
Try to have a nice day. X

jumperfromasda · 17/09/2022 07:03

Happy birthday OP! Have a lovely lunch out today and hopefully a few other little treats too x
I love unwrapping presents too - adds a sense of ceremony! I really hate it if I have chosen a gift and then it just arrives and isn't wrapped, feels more like DP has carried out a basic shopping list instead of buying me a present. Now if asked for input I give DP a long list of suggestions and say just to buy one of them (or something else if inspired to do so) so that it's still a nice surprise when I open it on my birthday. This has worked out quite nicely. Too late for this year, but maybe next time?
In fairness, you say DH has been really busy with work. Maybe he's just up against it at the moment? Maybe you should have a chat about booking a weekend break together when his work settles down? X

suzyscat · 17/09/2022 07:06

Happy birthday OP!

I had a birthday a few years ago. My presents didn't arrive in time, though I knew what they were. I'd had one early too. My kids were small and were devastated there were no decorations or presents on the table or a special breakfast like i do for everyone else.

I explained that my presents would come another day and that presents weren't the most important thing but tbh I was sad too.. I explained to the kids that those things only happen if someone makes them happen.

Do you have any plans for today? Can you take yourself off for a treat? A massage or a bite to eat or get yourself something nice. It's not the same as others surprising you but it can still you a boost and help get away from the glums.

Hoping you a have a fabulous day yet! CakeFlowers

KangarooKenny · 17/09/2022 07:10

I’ve found that birthdays become such a let down as you get older, I’d rather not have them.
But happy birthday to you 🎂🥂🍾🎁🎈

Lemonlemon88 · 17/09/2022 07:12

Happy birthday! As a previous poster said, I no longer put in any effort for DP on his birthday because he doesn’t put in any effort. I wrap up a cheap present and get a cake for him, I buy myself an expensive present and wrap it plus a cake for myself because I want my children to grow up seeing a celebration of people you love.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 17/09/2022 07:25

It’s mine today too! Happy birthday twinnie. I’ve got nothing too, but that’s ok. We’d got a lovely day planned, but life has thrown a curve ball and I’m not celebratory. But honestly, let them know, ignore the “you’re a grown up”, we get so little joy the smallest thing can mean so much.

Original poster
Poppins17 · 17/09/2022 07:29

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 17/09/2022 07:25

It’s mine today too! Happy birthday twinnie. I’ve got nothing too, but that’s ok. We’d got a lovely day planned, but life has thrown a curve ball and I’m not celebratory. But honestly, let them know, ignore the “you’re a grown up”, we get so little joy the smallest thing can mean so much.

Ah happy birthday!! Thanks for your message - I hope you have a wonderful day xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Poppins17 · 17/09/2022 07:30

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 17/09/2022 07:25

It’s mine today too! Happy birthday twinnie. I’ve got nothing too, but that’s ok. We’d got a lovely day planned, but life has thrown a curve ball and I’m not celebratory. But honestly, let them know, ignore the “you’re a grown up”, we get so little joy the smallest thing can mean so much.

Sorry - just re-read your message - I hope you are ok… sorry you’ve had a curveball thrown at you - hope you are ok ☺️

OP posts:
Original poster
Poppins17 · 17/09/2022 07:31

Sorry if my post came across as childish or silly - it was just an overwhelming feeling of sadness that I had to get off my chest.

I have booked lunch in town so have that to look forward to.

Thanks for all the messages, I appreciate it.

OP posts:
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