To hand in my notice at work

[ohwhattodo4]

I've NC because I don't want this thread connected to my previous ones as fairly outing to some.

I have worked in my workplace for around 13 years. Fairly demanding job but I work part time (mornings), so not too bad.

My role has changed since September which I agreed to because of the way it was 'sold' to me but the intention was that it would hopefully only be for 6 weeks or so. Fine.

However, it is becoming very clear that this is likely now to be extended for at least another 10 months and I hate it. I mean, really hate it.

I am early 50s, not in amazing health particularly, feeling quite bogged down right now and I have approximately £60k from an inheritance from my parents.
(DH is self employed and also has some inheritance money too.)

WIBU to hand in my notice and just take some time out for a bit? I earn around £10k a year and DH is being fully supportive of whatever I decide because he can see how unhappy I am right now.

What would you do?

You may find that if you say you'll have to quit if you can't go back to your old role then they'll work it out. Good luck!

Why is the new role so difficult to fill? Do you have very niche experience? If you do, you already know you're not being moved back...

I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you cry! But hopefully it helps you to make up your kind. I know what I would do in your position. Go for it!

Mind

I know it's not the point of the thread, but it's really common for women whose mothers died young/fairly young to struggle to imagine themselves living beyond the age their mum was and to make decisions on the assumption they will die at that age too.

Just be careful you don't undermine your future because of those (totally understandable) feelings.

You've got more power than you realise.

You don't have to stay there. At any point, you can just think 'fuck this' and walk out. Your bills will still be paid, you have a lump sum behind you - there's nothing stopping you from walking away with or without notice.

The people piling on extra work and who misled you about this role don't have that freedom. They are relying upon you needing the job to endure it.

You've got power and freedom above and beyond what most people have - so what do you want to do?

@ohwhattodo4

I'm your age. I wouldn't hand my notice in because getting another job doing what I do, the hours I do & the pay I get just wouldn't happen. Would you be able to step into an equivalent job/hours/pay? I think we're a bit old to 'start again' (well my brain fog would stop me anyway), but too young to retire.

if you were happy in your previous position, it seems a waste of your inheritance at this stage if your life when it could make your actual retirement years much more comfortable. (Presuming you don't have some absolutely incredible pension - if you do that might change things)

you say your new role is needed much more, but if you leave they're worse off than if you just go back to your old role.

Talk to them!!

if you are genuinely ready to leave rather than do the new role, tell them you cannot continue with the new role & want your old one back in x weeks or you'll have no choice but to resign. It's not a threat, it's just how it is.

I was in a similar position as yours, early 50s, job I no longer enjoyed, people pleaser, felt like I was letting people down. Well I left Jan '21- took time for myself until July '21. Did a bit of temping to see what exactly I wanted going forward. Am now in a job I love, with a great team, earning more than ever and my working day finishes when I log off instead of being on call like before!
There is so much more to life
I also secretly take a bit of pleasure knowing that my previous job is now on their 3rd replacement of my job! 😊

@tickticksnooze yeah that makes sense re losing your mum early.
My Great Nan died in her 90s, my Nan died early 70s (I thought that was quite young at the time) and then my mum died at 64.
I have a few health niggles, hence why I'm a bit worried and feel like life is too short to dread going into work.

Why is the new role so difficult to fill? Do you have very niche experience? If you do, you already know you're not being moved back...

Not particularly very niche but not super easy to fill either.
The thing is, is that I'm actually trained in other areas, including my old role (not many of my colleagues are) and not remotely trained and no experience in this role!!! I've just kind of been chucked in at the deep end because others who I work with, are experienced and able. They're already working different roles to me though and we wouldn't be able to 'swap'.

I absolutely think I wouldn't be going back to my old role any time soon.

That's what I'm thinking. Take 6 months/a year off and see where that takes me.

I also resigned from a job I hated and tried to make work for nearly two years without another job to go to. I got a temping role within weeks and was then offered the position permanently along with another job I was offered. I took the new job and have just moved roles within the company into a better job. I've been there almost 4 years and am very happy. Seeing as you have money I would definitely resign.

I’d resign in a heartbeat.
my sister and nephew died young. Life is too precious to waste doing something you dislike or with people you don’t love.

The time and space will give you energy to make a new plan.

Thank you @teaandtoastwithmarmite and @ElectedOnThursday**

The consensus so far is definitely swaying towards resigning.

It's just I've always told people to have another job lined up before you leave one but I honestly think I just need some time out.

They'll probably give me my old role back after all this worry and angst!

To all the kind posters that replied to my thread, I have indeed handed my notice in today.

I thought I'd feel relieved but I don't.
I'm feeling all sorts of emotions right now.

I'm hoping I'll feel better about my decision once the dust has settled, so to speak.

Thank you to everyone for your thoughts and opinions.

Hi Op, congratulations on handing your notice in, it may not feel like it yet, but I do think you’ve made the right decision from what I’ve read ☺️

I hope you fill your days with the things that make you happy and arrive at a better headspace as a result of it. What an exciting time for you, the next few months could really be the making of you! You have the chance to find out more about yourself, what makes you happy and find wondrous new ways to fill the days.

How you are feeling is pretty natural considering this is ‘all you’ve ever known’ but I reckon you’ll look back at this moment and think it was the best thing you’ve ever done 💐

Well Done for making a decision. I’d take a few weeks off then maybe look for another Pt job or see what courses or volunteer jobs there are to keep your cv going then you will be in a strong position should you decide to return to paid work.

Congratulations, enjoy this weekend. Come Monday you'll be feeling relieved and looking forward to your time off. Now is the time to be strong just in case they bombard you with everything under the sun to make you stay. Don't believe them - they won't have your best interests.

Well done OP, it's a great decision, a brave move that's prioritising what you really want.

It's absolutely natural to have mixed emotions about it. Take a few days to process it all.

Well done OP that was very brave of you. I'm sure you feel conflicted right now but this could be the start of the rest of your life. Enjoy your free time and enjoy finding you again. Good luck.

Would they do a deal with you?

You would work in the current job for X more weeks but no more.

They can recruit someone for this in that time, and you can then go back to your old job.

My point is that if you have an end date for this horrible work you can bear it for a while.

Worth a try?

Sorry. I'm a bit behind.

Well done!

@Wordsofthewise thank you. I'm hoping it will be the start of me getting back on track. Every lovely thing that I do, even if it's sitting in a cafe people watching, I will think of my mum because we loved doing that!

Thank you everyone for your good wishes.
I had a chat at work a few days before I handed my notice in re going back to my old role but it was very clear that I was needed more for the new role and this swayed my decision.
It's only one factor in it though, albeit quite a large one.
My boss was lovely and hinted that the door may always be open but we shall see. I'm thinking maybe a complete change may be in order. Who knows?!

Go for it and make yourself happy again! We are all longer dead than we are alive so if you can leave the job and manage, you do that! Life is much too short to spend it being stressed and miserable, especially if your job earns others further up the chain more than you for less stress, whilst you make their lives easier by being there to fill that role.