HELP, NOSEY MIL

[autumnisnear]

AIBU in wanting my privacy when I have a day off work?
MIL sees my car in the drive on her way to work, so if my car is there she will ask my husband why I'm not at work. Then she will continue to ask me when I next see her if we haven't told her why. I've just lost my job so I don't know what to tell her but I don't want her knowing at all. How can I shut down the question of why I'm not at work.

I want to say something along the lines of "don't worry about my work schedule so much" any advice

Was your job one where you could work from home? If so, just say that you're now working from home mostly. Big hugs, I would hate to feel like someone was watching my every move, especially my MIL (luckily she lives in another country!)

Mmm, I se both sides. I understand what you want privacy. I also understand why she's asking the question. I'd be inclined to tell her ad then ask her not to make a thing about it as it's a difficult time.

Park it somewhere else for a while until you want to tell her. Although tbh it's none of her business

Is there a reason you don't want her to know you've lost your job? What do you imagine she'd do if she knew? I get that you don't like her being nosy but it seems like a pretty normal thing to mention to family.

Tell her you're working from home or have some time off?

My job cannot be from home. And I don't want to tell her because then she wants to know if I have enough money in the bank, can I afford rent ect. It's too much

Is she being nosey or kind/worried?

I couldn’t imagine not telling my PIL I’d lost my job.

Then just tell her you're fine or can manage.

It sounds like she cares.

That's exactly why I began to park my car somewhere different on a Sunday afternoon. I didn't want MIL calling in for hours. Luckily I'm no conract no so don't have to worry about unannounced visits.

Could you say you are walking or commuting to work now to save money on petrol? Can it waiting to be fixed? DH is dropping you at the station etc? Friend is car sharing with you now?

Yeah say you're walking to work/train station because you want to save some extra money or because it's healthier or something.

Depends on whether she would be worried about you or not. It's a normal concern as to whether you would be able to afford things or not and she might want to help. If it's too much just tell your partner to have words with het or better yet tell her yourself and close down the conversation. You need to get stronger at doing this and establishing your boundaries. Unless there is a massive backstory you are being quite strange.

Sounds to me like it’s coming from a place of care and concern. Are you ashamed to be out of work? Did you get sacked for some sort of mis conduct, or laid off? If it’s the latter she may have heard on the grapevine your employer was in difficulties.

Just park your car in someone else's drive - maybe someone who your MIL might drive past. Give her something else to distract her with.

Say your car broke down and are waiting on it being taken to garage.

You shouldn’t have to move your car to accommodate her nosiness.

could DH have a word? MIL-management is really the responsibility of their offspring.

Hope you’re okay OP re: the job💐

You don’t have to tell her anything you don’t want to. She isn’t entitled to know every detail about your life.

You know her and none of us do, so only you know if she’s coming from a place of concern and care or just being plain nosey and interfering.

You just need to be short, sharp and brief with her when she asks any intrusive questions that make you uncomfortable. Such as “how much money do you have in the bank” say “I have enough” / “can you afford rent?” Say “yes I can”. Then change the subject.

It's not from care, she will talk about me to the family and try to control our expenses. She wants to know every single detail, gets angry if I don't invite her son to my house for dinner etc, she is VERY Controlling

I was going to ask why you wouldn't just tell her you've lost your job, but it sounds like you have your reasons.

Can DH tell her you've started car sharing with someone from work a few days a week to get her off your back?

Then your DH needs to cut her off at the chase.

Do you have decent public transport links around where you live? Could you be trying to take the bus/train to work (as a white lie)? Could you be car pooling?
Your DH has to stop his controlling nosey mother though.

Ask her why she thinks asking about your whereabouts is any of her business? Ask her why she thinks asking about your finances is any of her business?
Answer - neither are her business. She's not doing it from a place of concern, she is being nosey.

She reminds me very much of a Hyacinth Bucket character or going even further back, someone like Lady Catherine De Bourgh in Pride & Prejudice "I must know it all" type woman. Enough with that.

Is there other work on the horizon? If so, I would just fob her off by saying you had some time in lieu due or something. If it’s longer term then that’s more tricky.

Well it would have been better if you had mentioned how controlling she is from the start.

Personally I wouldn't lie as you are going to get yourself into a mess. And won't your husband tell her that you are no longer working? What then?

I say "I don't know" to nosy relatives. It doesn't matter what they ask. It's like the grey rock technique. Don't know, don't know.

They get pretty bored and it saves me telling them they're a daft nosy old bint.

I'd just tell her to fuck off. She sounds super controlling.

Failing that hide the car, park it on another road.

Is she just concerned? It’s the sort of question I would ask someone just to make sure they are ok.