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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

If you never worked again, would your mental health suffer?

119 replies

EmptySpacess · 15/09/2022 11:17

Currently a SAHM to a young child, and thought about continuing to be when they go to school. But I'm now thinking perhaps it's not all it's cracked up to be. Personally if I have too much free time on my hands, my mind starts doing overtime and I can have lots of negative thoughts. I'm now thinking it's probably best to keep very busy. Is this just me or are many people like this? They say an idle mind is the devils playground. And yes I know you can fill your time doing things but everyone else would be working, so you would be on your own a lot.

OP posts:

Notplayingball · 15/09/2022 18:49

Slightly different situation to yourself, but my youngest is in school now. I use that time as respite as it's often stressful looking after him after school. Possible autism diagnosis.

I had actually planned to return to my career as youngest is 5, but I don't think I will ever get back. My own health is deteriorating toodue to stress and a few other health problems.

Fairislefandango · 15/09/2022 19:37

No. I have hobbies that I’d do far more of if I could. Sincerely feel sorry for anyone whose happiness depends on such a rigid structure.

That's ridiculous. First of all, not all jobs have 'such a rigid structure'. Secondly, why would you feel sorry for someone for getting paid to do something they want to do and enjoy doing?

Whadda · 15/09/2022 19:40

My mental health takes a massive dive if I’m out of routine. I know not everybody is the same, but I need a reason to get out of bed early, or else I tend to lollygag and get into a cycle of feeling annoyed that I’m not productive, and feeling unproductive because I’ve put myself into a bad mood!

Financially, I don’t need to work, but won’t give it up any time soon.

Mimilamore · 15/09/2022 19:41

Bloody live not working, retired 2 years ago. My time is mine and I don't have to explain to anybody why I need to do certain things... many interests which I can do as little or as much as I desire.
Can spring out of bed at 6 or stay put until 10... just love it !

JustJustWhy · 15/09/2022 19:45

I barely worked during lockdown - long periods off and hardly any time in work at all. I've never been so physically and mentally fit in my whole, adult life.

W0tnow · 15/09/2022 19:50

Not in the slightest. If I had time on my hands, I could fill it.

1FootInTheRave · 15/09/2022 19:59

My mh is far better when working.

But, I work part time in a job I love with colleagues that I really like.

Totally different to working full time in a job I grew to hate. That destroyed my mh.

Tumbleweed101 · 15/09/2022 20:04

After ten years as a single parent doing everything I would love to be a stay at home parent and not work. My mental health would improve.

Simonjt · 15/09/2022 20:26

Not working wouldn’t suit me, I have three jobs, I love two, the third pays the bills, I maintained my two smaller jobs when I was on adoption leave as I knew I would lose my last remaining sanity if I didn’t.

I do want to retire early from my ‘big’ job, but I will still continue working.

osmanthusfragrans · 15/09/2022 20:31

I have enough engaging, time-consuming hobbies (and housework and gardening chores) to keep me happily busy for the rest of my life. I'd be happy to not have to work and be free to do exactly as I pleased, but not everyone is the same.

Notplayingball · 15/09/2022 20:36

YourSpleenIsDamp · 15/09/2022 17:31

Yes - it has. Initially went back to work part time after DC were born. Then quit when they were both diagnosed autistic - neither of them could cope with after school and holiday child care on top of the demands of school. I wouldn't say I regret it, cos it was absolutely the best decision for all of us, and the kids have thrived as a result of shorter days/mum always around in the holidays etc. But my god, I never thought I'd miss working so much. Don't underestimate the loneliness and boredom. I've lost a big part of me, and I don't think I'll get it back. And I certainly couldn't do my old job any more - been out of the loop too long. I'd recommend working part time if possible - it felt like the best of both worlds to me.

This is more or less my future. I will never get back to my career.

CandidaAlbicans2 · 15/09/2022 20:37

Nope, but only if I didn't have money worries. So if I won a huge amount on the lottery, much as I enjoy my job, I'd most likely give up work. There are loads of other things I could be doing, and having to go to work really interferes with that.

JaneDoe222 · 15/09/2022 20:41

Definitely not. It would improve massively. Fortunately, my mental health is OK, but not having to deal with the normal day to day stresses of the workplace would only benefit me.

inthekitchensink · 15/09/2022 20:41

It depends entirely on your structure outside of work and parenting. Obviously financial independence should be the first consideration, but beyond that- It’s six hours a day if you’re a SAHM, and that goes in a flash if you’re happy. Bloody awful if you're isolated (emotionally rather than physically), or unfulfilled.

And it’s very easy to put things off if you have a lot of free time, you may find you can’t be arsed to see people or write that book/paint the kitchen/start that course. But if you’re self disciplined, good at getting out and seeing people, and one of those people who get shit done (unlike me) it could be a whole new world of exploration l, creativity & self fulfilment. As long as you keep doing the things you love/like or need to do to stay sane and healthy whatever they may be.

brookstar · 15/09/2022 20:45

Yes. Me and DH were talking about this earlier. Our careers are such a big part of our identity that not working would be really challenging.

PumpkinPie2016 · 15/09/2022 20:49

I think it probably would, yes.

I enjoy my job (most of the time haha) and it is very varied and rewarding (teacher, head of dept in a secondary school). I enjoy the structure and pace of the school day and would probably miss it.

That said, I'm only mid 30s - I may feel differently in the future 😂

TowerRavenSeven · 15/09/2022 21:02

Part time for me is perfect!

Crispyturtle · 15/09/2022 21:04

I’m a midwife and the best thing I could do for my mental health is stop working. If I get out of this career with my mental health intact I’ll be amazed.

NoMoreChubRub · 15/09/2022 21:07

I loved being a sahm. My MH was better than when i was working my job before that.
I now wfh. And i chose my hours anything from as Little as 1 or 2 hours a week to 20.
And i find it perfect now especially the lesser hours i do.

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